AIBU?
Is having kids all its cracked up to be?
Coldwine75 · 10/05/2021 14:35
Watching Location Location Location and all these young couples looking for homes to start their families, all dreaming of a house full of kids and idyllic bliss........is it like that though? I find having a family is mainly tiredness, stress, odd socks , messy house and theres some nice bits thrown in but its exhausting. I dont regret having having kids but its a constant worry , moreso as they get older and you have less and less influence over them.
I get why people turn grey......
Am I being unreasonable?
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Yamaya · 10/05/2021 14:50
I think it's all I wanted and more. For me. Yes it's exhausting and relentless and thankless. But the love is beyond compare, my kids make me laugh every day, I love them more than anything. My life has purpose now. Life before kids was boring and pointless, now making them happy makes me happy. Even though I am knackered and stretched to my capacity 😅 might sound mushy and pathetic but it works for me!
Coldwine75 · 10/05/2021 14:50
@Chunkymenrock
Not 18 years, that's a myth too, my mum worries about me/ us and im well in my 40s
Plus 20 somethings now living at home for much longer these days...................
Hobnobsandbroomstick · 10/05/2021 14:51
I think when deciding to have children it's very much through rose tinted glasses for most people (otherwise more people wouldn't do it in the first place!).
A lot of my friends who have had kids say that they didn't think much past getting pregnant or having a small baby, when they had the real thing it was a bit of a shock!
FieldOverFence · 10/05/2021 14:51
I think it is yeah...I read a quote from someone a while back that said they felt more full of a member of human race after having kids, and that resonated with me. Apart from the fact that mine are a lovely age (early primary), and I find them the best little people in the world, I also feel more connected to my family and wider community than I did before theey were born.
I accept that that sounds a bit weird and hippy :D
Coldwine75 · 10/05/2021 14:51
@Yamaya
They must be young, my teens make me laugh sometimes but more than not its the opposite !!
Wearywithteens · 10/05/2021 14:52
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Hobnobsandbroomstick · 10/05/2021 15:08
I'm early 30s and have gone from thinking that I definitely want kids, to now being unsure if it is the right decision for me and my partner (and potential children). A big part of this has come from watching my friends have theirs and struggle with the realities of being a parent. I didn't fully appreciate what a complete life change it is, how common post natal depression and anxiety are, how it might change my body and affect my relationships. I don't have much family support nearby either, which is a bit of a worry. I feel sorely jealous of friends who have supportive mums in their 50s and 60s, as I know I won't have that. It's the biggest decision I'll ever make and the fact that it's irreversible scares me.
I still get asked by people when I'm having kids all the time though, and looked at like a weirdo when I say I'm not 100% sure 
.
Neonprint · 10/05/2021 15:09
@Hobnobsandbroomstick
A lot of my friends who have had kids say that they didn't think much past getting pregnant or having a small baby, when they had the real thing it was a bit of a shock!
I don't have children and I think one of the reasons is I think way beyond this! My friends have a range of ages and one thing that seems like a lot of work is managing their education. Choosing schools, dealing with friends, any additional need or behaviour issues. Urgh just couldn't be arsed!
Mahrezis · 10/05/2021 15:16
@Hobnobsandbroomstick
The lack of support is the hardest bit, believe me. I had none and it is such hard work without that support network.
I know couples who go out every weekend whilst their little ones go to Nanny’s or whatever. We have been out twice in 3 years.
readingismycardio · 10/05/2021 15:22
@Hobnobsandbroomstick
I still get asked by people when I'm having kids all the time though, and looked at like a weirdo when I say I'm not 100% sure
.I'm almost 29 and I feel the same. If someone could guarantee me 100% I won't regret not having children, I wouldn't.
Bibidy · 10/05/2021 15:23
@Coldwine75
So agree with this, I think lots of people think about having a little baby and then having a family/grandkids when they're older...not as much the bits in between when you're juggling school runs and after-school hobbies with work for years on end and never really get any time to yourself/with your partner.
Bibidy · 10/05/2021 15:27
@Hobnobsandbroomstick
I still get asked by people when I'm having kids all the time though, and looked at like a weirdo when I say I'm not 100% sure
.Yes I'm sort of similar, although the realisation for me has been through having a partner with children, so I have experienced living with kids and seeing what a relentless grind it can be.
I still want to go ahead but I definitely have a much more realistic (and depressing
) idea of what it will look like now.
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