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AIBU?

Should I tell him about period??

155 replies

postcardfromme · 10/05/2021 10:35

I feel very childish asking this!! Been with someone for around 6 weeks. He's coming over after work tonight and will stay the night - I'm on my period so don't really want to be intimate but I do want to see him.
Do I tell him before he comes over?

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Batshitkerazy · 10/05/2021 10:45

I personally would mention it casually whilst messaging about the arrangements. Would save any awkwardness later and be an interesting test to see if he’s still really keen to stay over without the expectation of sex! But obviously just do whatever you feel comfortable with, you shouldn’t need an excuse to not want sex, or have to explain yourself to someone you’ve only known 6 weeks. Don’t overthink it!

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Palavah · 10/05/2021 10:46

Totally up to you. I'd probably tell him today rather than wait til he arrives.
You should be able to have that conversation with someone you're sleeping with.

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postcardfromme · 10/05/2021 10:50

Yes, I also want to see if he backs out if I tell him @Batshitkerazy

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MoreMorelos · 10/05/2021 10:51

I'd just mention in passing you've got bad period pains today, don't put it as you expect him not to come, or even that it occurred he wouldn't, then see what he says

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newnortherner111 · 10/05/2021 10:52

I think you should. His reaction will tell you a lot about him.

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Lweji · 10/05/2021 10:53

Unless he has a fairly long trip, or still goes home between work and you, I'd tell him when I saw him and be clear about no sex expectations. You'll be able to judge his immediate reaction rather than getting it via text.

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StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind · 10/05/2021 10:53

Just tell him straight- say that you still want him to come over but don't want to have sex because of your period. I wouldn't say about period pains (unless you genuinely do have them badly atm)!

As you say, will be good to see if he still wants to come over!

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LindaEllen · 10/05/2021 10:54

If it was me, I'd just text him saying it'll just have to be cuddles tonight as it's my time of the month, sorry!!

If he's a decent guy it won't be the slightest problem, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed abut it :).

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ThornAmongstRoses · 10/05/2021 10:54

My guess is he will think: “Great, oral sex for me tonight then!”

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BrownEyedGirl80 · 10/05/2021 10:58

I actually came on at now dh house when we'd only been dating a while.He went to the shop to buy me Tampax coz I didn't have any on me.If he's a mature adult I don't think he'll care one bit.

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Palavah · 10/05/2021 11:25

Why say you have period pain if you don't?
It's not a given that period = no sex. You need to say what you do/don't want and it makes sense to tell him why.

I agree his reaction will tell you plenty.

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Palavah · 10/05/2021 11:26

*it's also not a given that period pain = no sex

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Jannetra17 · 10/05/2021 11:26

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Ollinica · 11/05/2021 02:18

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peanutttttt · 11/05/2021 03:26

This actually isn't childish at all. I've felt this way many times when newly dating someone. Just find a way to implement it into the conversation. It'll also give you an idea of what he feels about you.

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Doona · 11/05/2021 03:38

No? Unless it's a friend's with benefits situation, it's reasonable to assume he likes you for your company.

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1forAll74 · 11/05/2021 04:10

If he has had a few sexual partners before, he will understand that this might happen at some point in your relationship.

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TeddingtonTrashbag · 11/05/2021 05:00

My guess is he will think: “Great, oral sex for me tonight then!”
Grin

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aurynne · 11/05/2021 06:15

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

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GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 11/05/2021 06:20

Just drop it into the conversation and see how he reacts.

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GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 11/05/2021 06:22

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

It's not even that I think period sex is somehow wrong or gross (it's not, by the way) but my sex drive goes through the floor when I'm on my period so I just wouldn't want to do it. Not because of the blood.
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Silvercatowner · 11/05/2021 06:23

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change

The OP said she doesn't want to be intimate. Just because your expections of sex wouln't change doesn't mean everyones wouldn't.

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Fatladyslim · 11/05/2021 06:25

@StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind

Just tell him straight- say that you still want him to come over but don't want to have sex because of your period. I wouldn't say about period pains (unless you genuinely do have them badly atm)!

As you say, will be good to see if he still wants to come over!

This! Don't complain about bad period pains because if he is half decent he will then ask if you are still okay to see him tonight (as you are saying you don't feel amazing) and you will read into it that he is trying to get out of it because he won't get sex.
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Goatinthegarden · 11/05/2021 06:36

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

It actually wouldn’t occur to me to have sex when on my period. I think I’d be too concerned about getting blood on something nice to enjoy myself. I can’t imagine I’d feel particularly sexy.

As for telling a new partner, It always feels a bit awkward the first time you mention a bodily function, but it’s best to just set a precedent for being open and forthright - then it’ll be normal and easy to say it the next time. If the relationship is going to go anywhere, he’ll still want to hang out with you without the expectation of sex.
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BurbageBrook · 11/05/2021 06:38

Wouldn’t bother telling him before he comes unless it’s a purely sexual FWB relationship. You’re on your period, so what? You can say it casually when he’s at yours. It’s not a big deal at all.

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