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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I tell him about period??

155 replies

postcardfromme · 10/05/2021 10:35

I feel very childish asking this!! Been with someone for around 6 weeks. He's coming over after work tonight and will stay the night - I'm on my period so don't really want to be intimate but I do want to see him.
Do I tell him before he comes over?

OP posts:
minniemomo · 11/05/2021 17:17

@postcardfromme

Sounds like a good omen, he wants to spend time with you!

ChairmansReserve · 11/05/2021 17:19

@LeilaLiesLow Tue ChairmansReserve Are you very squeamish? This thread is about sex or no sex during a period. Maybe it's the wrong thread for you if you don't like reading some posts grin What did you expect to read?

Not remotely squeamish. And I do have sex on my period. But I don't understand why you want to know the details. Surely you can imagine? I mean you've literally suggested a load of possibilities yourself. What are you expecting to hear that would change your mind? A penis goes into a vagina. Blood is washed off things. shrug

I don't go on the sex topic very often because I'm not a huge fan of men indulging their weird masturbatory fantasies by pretending to be women.

sammylady37 · 11/05/2021 17:23

Dismissing the views of these women, and mocking them, is just bloody nasty

It’s a bit rich if you to talk about dismissing the views of women and mocking them when you yourself said:

It's fucking gross to shag when you're on your period. Ewwww, why WOULD you? shock

despite multiple women giving their view that it’s perfectly acceptable to them. The outrage and disgust aren’t very nice, are they? Maybe you should have a word with yourself
@littlepattilou

ScabbyHorse · 11/05/2021 17:29

I had my period when I first went to my boyfriends house. I had a moon cup in so we still could do quite a lot of things.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 11/05/2021 17:42

@sammylady37

Dismissing the views of these women, and mocking them, is just bloody nasty

It’s a bit rich if you to talk about dismissing the views of women and mocking them when you yourself said:

It's fucking gross to shag when you're on your period. Ewwww, why WOULD you? shock

despite multiple women giving their view that it’s perfectly acceptable to them. The outrage and disgust aren’t very nice, are they? Maybe you should have a word with yourself
@littlepattilou

This! What a strange way of 'not' judging others, to say ewwww and call their personal decisions about their sex life 'fucking gross' Hmm
LeilaLiesLow · 11/05/2021 18:11

@ChairmansReserve I think the problem, to call it that, is it's a hell of a lot of effort go to to avoid permanently stained bedding or towels (unless it's in the shower perhaps) when someone is bleeding heavily.
I guess i was simply curious why anyone would be bothered and not just wait a few days. I'm not very impressed with being asked to justify my curiosity .

ChairmansReserve · 11/05/2021 18:44

I guess those of us who do have sex on our period enjoy it enough to make it worth a potentially stained towel. You don't. Each to their own.

Your judgement and disgust is not very impressive either. It's very literally none of your business.

TeddingtonTrashbag · 11/05/2021 19:42

It is actually very effective in minimising period pains...Grin

karmakemmie · 11/05/2021 19:46

[quote LeilaLiesLow]@ChairmansReserve Are you very squeamish? This thread is about sex or no sex during a period. Maybe it's the wrong thread for you if you don't like reading some posts Grin What did you expect to read?

Half or more of the posts here are from women saying they can't countenance sex during their period because of the mess. (I am with that tribe.) The other half say it's okay.

Given that on MN women spend hours discussing how often they wash their sheets (yes, hot topic), asking about how they manage sex in the middle of a period is not so out of order as you are trying to make it.

(Don't ever go to the SEX forum on Mumsnet or you won't cope.)[/quote]
There's a SEX forum here?
scuttles off to find mumsnet sex forum

Palavah · 11/05/2021 19:52
  1. some women find they are more touch-sensitive during their period, in a good way. Some feel hornier.
  2. orgasm is an excellent antidote to period pain.
  3. it's not a huge effort to pop a towel on the bed and then in the washing machine afterwards. Or to use a condom.
  4. some women might not want to go 3, 5 or 7 days without sex. Not everyone spends every night with their partner.

Stop telling people they're gross when they do something that doesn't harm anyone just because you don't like the idea yourself.

CovidSmart · 11/05/2021 20:36

Stop telling people they're gross when they do something that doesn't harm anyone just because you don't like the idea yourself.

As long as you don’t have a go at women who find it disgusting.

Each on their own on that one.

Lweji · 11/05/2021 20:49

@LeilaLiesLow
This thread is about sex or no sex during a period.

I think you and many pps got the wrong thread. The OP wasn't asking whether to have sex during her period or not.
So, the silly argument going on about this only details the thread. Angry

Glad you had a good time and he wanted to spend the time with you, OP. Seems promising. Smile

aurynne · 11/05/2021 21:01

Bloody hell. How do the women who are so grossed out by bodily fluids during sex deal with the fact that men drop a load of sticky smelly white milky sperm in/on them every single time they have sex? How do they cope with "the mess"? How can they stand the linen being stained? How do they not vomit every single time? Or are bodily fluids only "gross" when they come out of a woman's vagina?

CovidSmart · 11/05/2021 21:07

I don’t think the amount of liquid involved in ejaculate is quite the same than the one involved with periods.
Unless you have light periods of course....

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 11/05/2021 21:11

Late to the party on this thread but -

I would hope to be able to say no to sex and not have to explain myself like that. A simple 'not today, thank you' should really suffice without me having to divulge my private bodily functions to a guy I have just begun seeing.

Is that terribly naive?! Maybe I'm just naive....

Glad you gad a nice evening OP

aurynne · 11/05/2021 21:16

For the women who genuinely do not understand how a bedroom (or kitchen, or lounge..) could possibly NOT look like a "slaughterhouse" after having sex while on the period, here's a how to:

a) If you wear a tampon/mooncup and remove it just before sex, and wipe your vagina or have a shower beforehand, the vagina is cleaner and there is less blood to spill.

b) No matter how heavy your periods are, surely in 1 hour that sex may last you cannot lose litres of blood? If you did, you'd die after some hours hours on your period. And yes, we women who choose to have sex on our period tend to avoid the heaviest day. Or not, shock horror, if the prospect of sex is too tempting :)

c) The penis being in the vagina does tend to stop most "spilling", in the same way that semen often does not spill out till the penis comes out, so you can actually have a towel ready when he comes out and voila! Most of the blood goes there.

d) Unless one of your sexual fetishes is rub yourself all over your lover with your vagina like a slug, the man does not end up "covered in blood".

e) Semen actually dilutes the blood, so the resulting small stain actually looks pinkish and not that gross for the majority of the population.

f) When you have sex on your period you are indeed a bit more careful about positions/where a small spill may happen, the same way you'd be careful if you had an injury/a cast/a bandaged wound, and you modify sex accordingly, so yes, swinging off the chandeliers may be off for a couple of days. But I swear to you, it really is not that gross or that complicated. Pinky swear.

My - apparently very popular - comment had nothing to do with telling the OP what to do, I couldn't give a flying fig what other women choose to do with their sexual partners. It was a way to show surprise that having the period seemingly automatically ruled out sex.

notanothertakeaway · 11/05/2021 21:21

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

AIBU is great for conversations I would never have in real life....

If you have sex during your period, don't you get blood everywhere / on the sheets? I just assumed no one would DTD during their period

aurynne · 11/05/2021 21:26

@notanothertakeaway read above.

How do you cope with semen everywhere/on your sheets? How much blood can you lose in an hour?

mummysharkk · 11/05/2021 21:53

My guess is he will think: “Great, oral sex for me tonight then!”

Totally this Grin

borntobequiet · 11/05/2021 21:54

surely in 1 hour that sex may last you cannot lose litres of blood?

I’ve bled through a super plus tampon and a maxi pad in 20 min before now. Plus clots. Some women bleed a lot, and perimenopause can make it worse. Anyway, you don’t need litres to ruin a mattress, a few tablespoons will do.

Happycat1212 · 11/05/2021 22:13

Hmm I don’t want to have sex on my period and that’s ok, I wouldn’t feel comfortable, I find the ones who do and moan about others saying it’s gross are quite happy to put down others that don’t want to, just because you are comfortable with it doesn’t mean others are, I don’t feel particularly sexy when on my period and I would rather not!

Palavah · 11/05/2021 22:18

@CovidSmart

Stop telling people they're gross when they do something that doesn't harm anyone just because you don't like the idea yourself.

As long as you don’t have a go at women who find it disgusting.

Each on their own on that one.

I haven't had a go at anyone who doesn't like the idea for not liking the idea. I don't need to be called disgusting or told that something I might do IS disgusting.
MrsGRamsay · 11/05/2021 22:22

Oh for f sake - we had just started a long distance relationship and I told him I would be ‘indisposed’ the next time we were due to meet up; he chuckled and said we would always have a nice Dinner be very grateful if anything else was on the cards! This was over 30 years ago!!!

aurynne · 12/05/2021 03:01

"I’ve bled through a super plus tampon and a maxi pad in 20 min before now. Plus clots. Some women bleed a lot, and perimenopause can make it worse. Anyway, you don’t need litres to ruin a mattress, a few tablespoons will do."

Surely if you bleed so much during your periods sex is not the only time you risk "ruining the mattress", you would regularly be bleeding on the sheets at night too?

cupsofcoffee · 12/05/2021 07:55

@aurynne

Bloody hell. How do the women who are so grossed out by bodily fluids during sex deal with the fact that men drop a load of sticky smelly white milky sperm in/on them every single time they have sex? How do they cope with "the mess"? How can they stand the linen being stained? How do they not vomit every single time? Or are bodily fluids only "gross" when they come out of a woman's vagina?
I mean, I've not said periods are gross but I did mention vomiting.

The vomiting has nothing to do with the bodily fluids involved and everything to do with how sore, tender and nauseous I feel for the first 48-56 hours of my period every month. I've been sent home from school and work throughout my leave due to the horrific nausea and vomiting.

Sex doesn't even cross my mind when I feel like that Grin

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