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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I tell him about period??

155 replies

postcardfromme · 10/05/2021 10:35

I feel very childish asking this!! Been with someone for around 6 weeks. He's coming over after work tonight and will stay the night - I'm on my period so don't really want to be intimate but I do want to see him.
Do I tell him before he comes over?

OP posts:

rwalker · 11/05/2021 06:39

Just tell him saves any awkwardness

redtshirt50 · 11/05/2021 07:04

Defo tell him.

Will be much more awkward later when he's all worked up and doesn't mind having period sex but you do.

I would text him saying 'btw I'm on my period (the hands over eyes monkey face emjoi) so you'll have to make do with cuddles tonight!'

If he's a decent guy he wont be bothered.

Don't say you're in pain because he might take that to mean you don't want him to come over / you might be in a rubbish mood cause you're feeling ill.

Whatwouldscullydo · 11/05/2021 07:10

Don't tell him unless you are happy for him.to decide there's no point in seeing you if you aren't going to have sex.

Surely he likes to actually spend time with you?

BeneathYourWisdom · 11/05/2021 07:13

Depends if YOU want to see him?

If you tell him and don’t say you still want him to visit he might think you only want him for sex?

Also some men (and women) like having sex on their period so it’s not necessarily no sex unless you make it clear you don’t want it tonight but would still like to see him?

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2021 07:23

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

I never did. Pain and suffering for me do not sit well with sex. Some women have very difficult to cope with periods.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 11/05/2021 07:33

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

No, I never have sex on my period. It kills my libido and feels disgusting to me. I don't really give a toss that 'most guys' aren't fussed by it because I don't have sex I don't want.

Ragwort · 11/05/2021 07:39

Off topic but why do people use the expression 'on my period' rather than 'I am having my period'. It seems a really gross expression...

DobbyTheHouseElk · 11/05/2021 07:44

Women who have sex in their period must have lighter flow than me. It would be a blood bath. Can’t think anyone wants that situation. What a mess to clean up.

MissSmiley · 11/05/2021 07:53

I'd mention it before he comes over to gauge his reaction for the possibility of no sex to be honest (out of interest more than anything)
Incidentally I met a guy once who said he liked giving oral while a woman was having her period, he liked the blood drying on his face, fortunately I'm past periods at my age, there were other reasons I didn't carry on seeing him

HaveringWavering · 11/05/2021 07:55

@Ragwort

Off topic but why do people use the expression 'on my period' rather than 'I am having my period'. It seems a really gross expression...

As does “came on” bleurgh.

cookiecreampie · 11/05/2021 07:55

@DobbyTheHouseElk

Women who have sex in their period must have lighter flow than me. It would be a blood bath. Can’t think anyone wants that situation. What a mess to clean up.

Same here.

gurglebelly · 11/05/2021 08:00

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

I used to, but now my period pains are so bad I don't even want him to breathe in my direction let alone touch me 🤣

Whatwouldscullydo · 11/05/2021 08:03

Also some men (and women) like having sex on their period so it’s not necessarily no sex unless you make it clear you don’t want it tonight but would still like to see him?

Whys this stuff so pre decided ? I mean either it happens or it doesn't but planning it now seems odd. Who knows how you are both gonna feel at the time.

Its really depressing to see so many people think.that it should go ahead anyway or that he needs to be spared from " wasting his time " coming over.

Roboticcarrot · 11/05/2021 08:10

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

I have occasionally in the shower, but other than that it doesn't really appeal to me to be honest.

butterpuffed · 11/05/2021 08:24

@Whatwouldscullydo

Also some men (and women) like having sex on their period so it’s not necessarily no sex unless you make it clear you don’t want it tonight but would still like to see him?

Whys this stuff so pre decided ? I mean either it happens or it doesn't but planning it now seems odd. Who knows how you are both gonna feel at the time.

Its really depressing to see so many people think.that it should go ahead anyway or that he needs to be spared from " wasting his time " coming over.

I'm old ~ divorced, no periods, no problem !

I have to say, I totally agree with this post and am more than surprised. From what we all see, hear, read etc. these days I thought women were so liberated but no, OP is worrying about this perceived problem and PPs seem to agree and are giving advice on what to say.

At six weeks, a couple is more than likely in the first flush of lust and it's usually anywhere and everywhere ! However, most in this thread seem to think it's a 'given' that Op's bf will expect sex.

I thought we'd moved on from that way of thinking.

waterlego · 11/05/2021 08:27

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I did when I was younger and my periods were lighter and pain free; different story now I’m in my 40s. Everything is too tender and it wouldn’t be at all enjoyable for me.

Sunshineandflipflops · 11/05/2021 08:28

Is this the first time you would have been having sex op? If it is, I would mention it but I usually do anyway if I am due to see my partner and we have been together almost 2 years! Just saves him getting too excited!

I do sometimes have sex on my period and for some reason there is rarely any mess...like it stops for the duration for some reason! We always put an old towel down in case though. Unfortunately, my libido goes through the roof at that time of the month!

That's irrelevant though as many women do not like it and that is fine and understandable.

cupsofcoffee · 11/05/2021 08:32

@aurynne

Do women really never have sex on their period? I have personally found most guys are not that fussed about it.

I always mention it in case it does bother him, but my expectations of sex would not change.

Nope.

Stomach cramps, nausea, back pain, exhaustion, blood and the occasional migraine- if I tried to have sex with someone I'd probably vomit on them

DrSbaitso · 11/05/2021 08:37

Interesting. Most men don't want period sex in my experience. The exception is if they know they're not going to get another chance for a long time, but if the relationship is ongoing and they just have to wait a few days, no.

I don't want it either. My libido doesn't change, personally, but I can't feel sexy or relax if I'm bleeding and I don't like the mess at all.

I think you should let him know, OP, but you can still be up for kisses, hugs etc if you want to. He's a grown man, he knows this happens.

TeeBee · 11/05/2021 08:46

I'd just message him saying 'looking forward to seeing you later. Don't get your hopes up too high, my period arrived'. If he brings chocolate/pain killers, he's a keeper. Job done.

DrSbaitso · 11/05/2021 08:50

@TeeBee

I'd just message him saying 'looking forward to seeing you later. Don't get your hopes up too high, my period arrived'. If he brings chocolate/pain killers, he's a keeper. Job done.

Oh yes, definitely.

This was actually one of the things my husband did that made me fall in love with him.

Summerfun54321 · 11/05/2021 08:51

If he’s an educated adult surely you don’t need to warn him that you menstruate shock horror some people have sex even when they are on their period.

Lovemusic33 · 11/05/2021 09:05

I don’t see the issue, all men know that we have periods, they know for a few days/a week each month sex is a no no (unless your ok with still doing it), he knows at some point you are going to be on your period?

Just drop it in to conversation, if he makes an excuse not to come then you know he’s only after one thing. Hopefully he will turn up with chocolates and snacks 😁.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 11/05/2021 09:06

So,, what happened?

KFleming · 11/05/2021 09:07

@Summerfun54321

If he’s an educated adult surely you don’t need to warn him that you menstruate

shock horror some people have sex even when they are on their period.

But clearly OP doesn’t want to.

A friend of mine dated a guy who, when she said she had her period, made a gagging/retching noise and said “gross”. It’s better to weed these guys out sooner rather than later IMO.

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