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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cashier came and moved me to another till

161 replies

Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 20:08

For context, I’m abroad, if it makes a difference.
This morning I was queuing up in the supermarket (biggish queues) for picnic things whilst Dp and toddler Dd waited in the car.
One of the cashiers/staff came to me and gently guided me over to another till where there were less people. I just stood there feeling humiliated. She obviously thought I was pregnant.
As she did a changeover with another woman on the till, I saw them looking over at me and the other woman looked at me and shook her head in surprise to the woman who moved me.
Then the one lady in the queue was looking back at me.
The whole thing was very humiliating and I felt like shit all day.
I was wearing a long oversized, striped shirt and denim shorts (quite hot here) I have big boobs and am desperately trying to lose weight (size 16, used to be 10) years of fertility treatments then pregnancy.
I didn’t tell Dp as felt so ashamed, now I feel disgusted with myself when I eat anything.
Cannot believe I’m so fat now that I’m being mistaken for being pregnant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:35

@ddl1 But why just specifically little (or big) old me..! From everyone..and only me. No, it was very evident

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:36

@IceSwallowCome No not at all. I think she just really believed I was pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Rainbowqueeen · 08/05/2021 21:38

Even if you have dark skin similar to the rest of the population maybe they could tell you were foreign because of the way you were dressed. I can always pick the US tourists based on this

CervixHaver · 08/05/2021 21:39

@swapsicles

I almost said something earlier today when at the vaccination centre the lady checking in asked if it was my 2nd vaccine, I'm only 42! Angry I told myself it wasn't because I looked older but not sure why she said that otherwise. Later on she asked of people were having their first, Its not nice (or flattering) but you just have to ignore and get on with your day 😁
Because most people over 40 had their first vaccine a while back..... You could also have been an essential worker Hmm
Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:42

@Rainbowqueeen I’ve lived here for years, but my clothes here etc...even so, why just specifically move someone to the priority queue if they’re foreign 🤷🏻‍♀️There’s loads of different nationalities where I am

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:42

*Buy

OP posts:
Dipi79 · 08/05/2021 21:42

So, she thought you were pregnant and did her job by moving you to the priority queue, thus lessening your waiting time?!
I'm sorry you feel sensitive about your weight, however the store assistant didn't 'make' you feel anything. You felt how you did as a result of being embarrassed about your weight.
I'm overweight and have a protruding abdomen due to uterine fibroids, so I look like I'm carrying twins. Wish we had priority queues where I am, as I'd jump at the chance to get out of a store faster.
You can be melodramatically sensitive, or you can be an adult and move on. Choice is yours.

Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:43

Besides at the till I spoke Portuguese to ask for my bags to give my discount card etc

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 08/05/2021 21:45

I get why you're down. I mean you've lost some confidence due to weight gain and were feeling self conscious that you looked big in your oversized shirt.
The cashier simply confirmed your fears and validated your own insecurity.Sad

This might sound bossy, but give yourself a break woman. You've been through the mill with IVF and pregnancy, you have a toddler and you're recovering from covid.

You will start feeling like your old self and it's possible to lose a few pounds, especially when you've recovered enough to exercise, but give yourself some time.

Buy some nice tops you feel great in at the size you are now. If you stop hating how you look, you are far more likely to treat your body well.
You've survived a couple of tough years, don't let this little incident knock you back Smile

Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:45

@Dipi79 Wow ok 😳

I wasn’t blaming the cashier or saying anything awful about her, she was doing her job and thought I was pregnant,

I just felt really low about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:47

@SmileyClare Thank you, that is how I felt.

I’m usually fairly strong about it, but it feels like I’m piling more on recently and summers almost here and I’m in my big shirt whilst everyone around me looks fantastic

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Prokupatuscrakedatus · 08/05/2021 21:50

Nobody can make you feel something - your feelings are your own.

ParisNext · 08/05/2021 21:52

To cheer you up...last year I floated into town in a new Zara maxi dress to go to the Apple store child free. Covid meant massive street long queue outside the shop with a 1-2 hour wait. They came down the line with clipboards to find out which department you needed and the guy loudly and excitedly declared “madam you can come with me! No need to queue for you!!!!” He moved me straight to the front (about 100m!) all the time saying I must be hot amf he was sure he could guess how far I’d got left as his wife was just the same size as me...on and in this went! I was whisked to a seat, bought my accessory and was out in 15 minutes. He thought I was SEVEN months pregnant like his wife. I went along with it as it had gone too far and didn’t want to embarrass him! I decided to embrace my phantom pregnancy and waddled a bit. So humiliating as I thought I looked chic and floaty but almost funny now. My “baby” is 10!

ddl1 · 08/05/2021 21:54

Perhaps they noticed that you were a foreigner/ English speaker, and moved you to a till served by someone who spoke English better?

Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 21:57

@ddl1 There’s loads of different nationalities, they just wouldn’t do that, they don’t give a shit enough 🙈

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Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 22:00

@ParisNext Aww, I almost felt like going along with it, the woman in front was really turning around and staring at me 🙈honestly thinking back on this, it’s making me feel so paranoid. The guy in front was just loading his (he had a few things but not an excessive amount) there was really no need to come and get me like that, it was odd!

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LankylegsFromOz · 08/05/2021 22:00

This happened to me yesterday at the butcher. I'm not even that big. I'm also 49. So I decided to take it as a compliment that he thought I was young enough to be pregnant. 🙂

SmileyClare · 08/05/2021 22:01

I decided to embrace my phantom pregnancy and waddled a bit Grin

I like your style! Op you'll be able to look back on this and laugh too (in time). It's tough after a long illness to regain your mojo. Low energy levels often mean craving food just to get through the day, particularly with a small child to look after.

I'm not sure why so many people don't believe this happened as you describe Confused probably trying to make you feel better.

3AndStopping · 08/05/2021 22:05

Well look...

You were wearing in your words a huge baggy shirt which makes you look huge from the side. & still one cashier said you weren’t pregnant!

So you can’t be huge... can you Grin

AngeloMysterioso · 08/05/2021 22:05

@AngeloMysterioso

First of all OP you don’t know that that’s why they moved you.

Second of all, try not to take it to heart. I have IBS and get quite the pronounced bump if I eat the wrong thing. I’ve been erroneously offered seats on the tube more times than I can count... I just smile, say thanks and sit down!

Example of said bump. This was after chicken and vegetable soup!
BreatheAndFocus · 08/05/2021 22:05

@swapsicles

I almost said something earlier today when at the vaccination centre the lady checking in asked if it was my 2nd vaccine, I'm only 42! Angry I told myself it wasn't because I looked older but not sure why she said that otherwise. Later on she asked of people were having their first, Its not nice (or flattering) but you just have to ignore and get on with your day 😁
But why? Anyone who is clinically vulnerable and aged 16+ will be getting their 2nd vaccines now. It’s nothing to do with them thinking you were old at all.
Salome61 · 08/05/2021 22:12

Sorry this made you feel bad, I understand how you feel. I wasn't pregnant either, but the butcher thought I was because of my big tummy, and gave me a free chicken. I just rushed out of the shop and never went back.

KittyMcKitty · 08/05/2021 22:24

@swapsicles

I almost said something earlier today when at the vaccination centre the lady checking in asked if it was my 2nd vaccine, I'm only 42! Angry I told myself it wasn't because I looked older but not sure why she said that otherwise. Later on she asked of people were having their first, Its not nice (or flattering) but you just have to ignore and get on with your day 😁
In the nicest possible way you are reading things into a situation which aren’t there! I spent this morning checking several hundred people in at a vaccination centre. I knew the majority of people we had booked in were 2nd dose and asked people people if it was their 2nd dose - followed up by asking if they still had their little blue card. The people who said yes ranged in age from teenagers to people in their 70’s. It’s just a question and depending on your answer means different things need to be done. You know there are lots of reasons people have had their first vaccinations before March which are nothing to do with their age.

Maybe she was just someone volunteering their time for free to enable you to get vaccinated and be able to hopefully live a more normal life very soon. I can’t believe you thought about complaining and have decided she thought you looked old!

Original poster
Shoutingovertheterraces · 08/05/2021 22:26

Can we not make this about vaccines 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Notnownotneverever · 08/05/2021 22:28

You aren’t fat. That wasn’t why the mistaken thought this. It was far more likely the oversize shirt had fallen at a certain angle for a few moments and made you look pregnant just for a moment or two. It often happens with proper hanging oversize shirts. Don’t give it another thought.