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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

548 replies

DrunkPosting · 07/05/2021 22:20

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

OP posts:
MindtheBelleek · 07/05/2021 23:42

@DrJPuddleDuck

I agree with you. I think of all events, weddings are lovely events to involve children in. But then I see marriage as an important part of family life - so it would make sense to me for children to be there to witness them.
Well, that makes sense. On the other hand, I see marriage as an individual contract, and not some kind of linking of clans, so it’s not any kind of familial affair to me.
UnderperformingSeal · 07/05/2021 23:44

@ghostyslovesheets

Nope other people’s children are hell
Sartre was almost right.
Tambora · 07/05/2021 23:45

I always thought that the whole purpose of a wedding breakfast was that when the couple marry, the family members on both sides become related by marriage to one another. Many of them may be meeting each other for the first time. It seems a real shame, since the wedding is also about the joining of two whole families, that the younger family members won't be there. They won't remember it in years to come, they won't be bridesmaids or page boys, they won't get to meet their distant cousins and new cousins-by-marriage, they won't get to party, they won't be in the photos. Children are the future and barring them from a wedding is a very odd thing to do in my opinion.

But hey ho, each to their own.

Deadringer · 07/05/2021 23:49

I think small children are lovely early in the day, hopping about looking cute, but later on when the drink is flowing and the dancing starts i would prefer them to be tucked up in bed.

CheerfulBunny · 07/05/2021 23:49

I'd be a bit gutted if my vows had the soundtrack of a howling baby that someone didn't have the sense to take outside. On the other hand, I have brilliant memories of dancing as a kid with my mum and other assorted relatives at naff reception discos. Doing the jive with my dad. Ahhh, happy days...Smile

MargaretFraggle · 07/05/2021 23:52

I said 'children welcome', though m I didn't have an evening do. I must have been mad. But the children weren't the stressful bit, it was everything else about getting married. Plus, the fact that someone (adult) always finds something to be put out about. I have lovely memories of seeing kids playing around me while I searched for a glass of wine to down.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/05/2021 23:59

@Tambora

I always thought that the whole purpose of a wedding breakfast was that when the couple marry, the family members on both sides become related by marriage to one another. Many of them may be meeting each other for the first time. It seems a real shame, since the wedding is also about the joining of two whole families, that the younger family members won't be there. They won't remember it in years to come, they won't be bridesmaids or page boys, they won't get to meet their distant cousins and new cousins-by-marriage, they won't get to party, they won't be in the photos. Children are the future and barring them from a wedding is a very odd thing to do in my opinion.

But hey ho, each to their own.

The wedding is two people entering a legal contract. Two people. Not there to entertain other peoples' sprogs or their notions of family.
elizabethdraper · 08/05/2021 00:00

Weddings are about letting your hair down, wearing your tie around your head, drinking too much, dancing to ABbA and neil diamond

Then the residents bar and the sing song until 5am

Just generally getting drunk and mayhem

ILoveMondayMornings · 08/05/2021 00:01

Disagree. I don't like other people's children.

therocinante · 08/05/2021 00:03

I don't especially enjoy spending time with children and I wouldn't invite children to any other party I was throwing and paying a lot of money to enjoy.

So we didn't invite them to our wedding. And I'm very glad, because a friend's wedding a month later was full of them and it felt like a crèche full of overtired, full of sugar children up past their bedtime with parents who could barely hold a conversation because they needed to be on the lookout in case one of the children climbed into the DJ box/under the buffet table etc.

If that makes me a megalomaniac (strange word choice - not sure why I would have an 'obsessive desire for control' over what people do with their kids - in fact I want as little as possible to do with what people do with their children, hence not inviting them) then so be it.

coogee · 08/05/2021 00:06

Each to their own.

We didn't really have to limit numbers and I don't remember specifying children or no children on our invitations. Anyway, there were loads there. Probably thirty or forty.

CloverHilla · 08/05/2021 00:08

@elizabethdraper

Weddings are about letting your hair down, wearing your tie around your head, drinking too much, dancing to ABbA and neil diamond

Then the residents bar and the sing song until 5am

Just generally getting drunk and mayhem

Oh Betty if you had said wearing a tie around your head and dancing to Thunderstruck by AC/DC I would have thought you were at every wedding I'd ever been at 😄🕺💃
IceSwallowCome · 08/05/2021 00:08

Obvious bait is obvious

AgeLikeWine · 08/05/2021 00:09

Bad parents have created the need for child free weddings.

Too many people have attended weddings which have been ruined by noisy, disruptive badly behaved children which their parents cannot or will not control or remove. Those people then decided that their own weddings won’t be ruined in the same way because the brats won’t be invited.

nokidshere · 08/05/2021 00:11

I wanted all my 5 sisters at my wedding. Between them they had 13 children. I lived in a tiny cottage and they couldn't afford hotels (we lived 200 miles away). So the dads stayed home with the children and my sisters came alone and stayed at mine. It was perfect. And they got some child free time as a bonus. We had a fab time and there were only 18 guests in total.

Allthereindeersaregirls · 08/05/2021 00:15

Surely it's up to the people paying? We could afford 90 people, that was 90 individuals, adults and kids, all the same charge. If we had invited kids it would have been 60 adults, 30 kids. Which adults did we not invite? And we had a cheap wedding, it wasn't an extravagant day.

Now I have kids, I don't take them to weddings. Whether they are invited or not. I enjoy a child free day & my eldest doesn't cope well with a late night, even as a one off, so we'd have to bow out after first dance anyway.

I don't expect people to pay a stupid amount for a mediocre meal that my kids won't eat. I don't want to get myself all donned up to have to try and entertain my kids or for me to miss the service/ speeches etc because they're bored/ tired/ hungry/ need to go to the loo.

Houseofvelour · 08/05/2021 00:16

I had a wonderful child free wedding 😁

I have 2 beautiful children of my own now and next time I go to a wedding, they won't be coming with me.

H2OConnoisseur · 08/05/2021 00:17

People who are vehemently against childfree weddings tend to be the ones, from experience, who completely lose their sense of self once their kids come along and cannot imagine doing anything without them. It's fine if your life revolves around your children — that's your choice. What's ridiculous is when you expect everyone's plans and wants to revolve around them as well.

Tambora · 08/05/2021 00:17

The wedding is two people entering a legal contract No, that's the marriage. You don't need anybody other than the celebrant and a couple of witnesses to do that. We tend to use 'wedding' to refer to the entire ceremony and the party afterwards. Don't we?

Not there to entertain other people's sprogs or their notions of family. Perhaps your notions of family are different from mine. In any case, it is when friends from both sides get to know one another as well.

Like I said, each to their own.

EmeraldShamrock · 08/05/2021 00:18

@nokidshere That was a perfect day. Smile

AgeLikeWine · 08/05/2021 00:20

@H2OConnoisseur

People who are vehemently against childfree weddings tend to be the ones, from experience, who completely lose their sense of self once their kids come along and cannot imagine doing anything without them. It's fine if your life revolves around your children — that's your choice. What's ridiculous is when you expect everyone's plans and wants to revolve around them as well.
Agreed. They are the ‘universe should revolve around my children’ brigade.

It doesn’t.

RaspberryRoyale88 · 08/05/2021 00:28

I agree that bad patents have created the desire for child free weddings.
And I say that as someone who reluctantly had children at her wedding.

I was extremely reluctant to have children at mine after being a witness at a wedding and not hearing a single word of the ceremony because a woman let her four year old lie in the aisle screaming, throwing a tantrum and throwing sweets. If I had been the Bride and Groom I would have been furious. The behaviour didn’t get any better at the reception and not once did her Mother attempt to stop it.

NiceGerbil · 08/05/2021 00:29

Heh fancied a bun fight OP!!

Obviously people should have whatever weddings they like.

I don't really understand no kids though.

I didn't have any and was not broody etc. I just feel events like that are about families and friends and what not. Lots of people like children- the more elderly guests often seem to enjoy a baby or watching kids playing. It's really difficult to get childcare and a pita. People don't have to bring them if they don't want to.

I just genuinely don't understand why not. It seems like saying no kids at Xmas or I dunno. It's a big celebration. Children are a part of the families you have asked to celebrate.

It also seems to cause no end of difficulty- so many threads on here with BF babies banned but there's insistence they must come etc.

That's just my opinion.

Also kids are a great ice breaker same as pets. Which is good at a wedding as often it's a pretty random bunch of people!

chestnutshell · 08/05/2021 00:29

Putting another perspective out there - some couples are facing heartbreaking infertility or know that they are very likely to have fertility problems. Seeing all your friends and siblings with their toddlers and babies on a day-to-day basis can be very painful, so I can well imagine why you wouldn't want to face that on a day that's meant to be all about you and your partner and your relationship. Of course not everyone feels this way, but I'm just saying I can see why someone would.

I also agree with all the other comments above like cost, space, screaming during vows etc.

I also don't know anyone who thinks child-free weddings are weird. They're quite normal in my circles. Even those that aren't technically childfree seem to have a majority of parents leave their kids at home so they can enjoy the evening unencumbered by bedtimes and feeding schedules.

ClarkeGriffin · 08/05/2021 00:30

If parents actually parented their kiss better, maybe they'd get invited.

Moat kids I know behave appallingly.