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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

548 replies

DrunkPosting · 07/05/2021 22:20

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

OP posts:
IceSwallowCome · 09/05/2021 13:53

"Utter bollocks"

Why else would someone call others "megalomaniacs" for choosing who they do and do not want to invite to their own wedding? The very nerve of thinking something that you're organising and paying for is about you, rather than an excuse for some random child to wear a pretty dress and "learn" how to behave at social occasions.

Flaxmeadow · 09/05/2021 13:55

I think part of the fashion now for excluding family members is that weddings are too highly planned down to every minute and nothing must interfere with that, even to the extent of excluding people.

One of the best weddings I went to was inexpensive and the event was allowed to unfold naturally. It was a local small town parish church, packed out and anyone was invited. Then a pub across the road with a buffet, also packed out and anyone was invited. Bride wore a simple but beautiful inexpensive dress, carried wildflowers, grooms hair was ruffled and his tie relaxed. It was a very traditional wedding in an old fashioned 18th century country way. Best wedding I've been to since I was a child

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/05/2021 13:56

@RaraRachael

My cousin's wedding was ruined by a small child running up and down the aisle repeatedly, then grabbing its mother's hat and stamping on it. Cue much hilarity from large part of the congregation.

Sorry it this is an unpopular view but they weren't in the habit of attending church and didn't seem to have much idea of how to behave in one.

I think a bigger factor is that some parents secretly enjoy their kids hogging the attention like this.
RainedOn · 09/05/2021 14:00

I'm really embarrassed now that we said no children. We just weren't very child focused in those days. Knowing what problems it causes now I'd definitely allow children.

IceSwallowCome · 09/05/2021 14:01

Ah, the good old MN weddings held in a binshed and organised on a budget of 50p.

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2021 14:04

@IceSwallowCome

Ah, the good old MN weddings held in a binshed and organised on a budget of 50p.
Grin Chippy tea and booze from Aldi. Job's a good 'un.
IceSwallowCome · 09/05/2021 14:07

" Chippy tea and booze from Aldi. Job's a good 'un."

Now you're talking...

KaleSlayer · 09/05/2021 14:09

I'm really embarrassed now that we said no children. We just weren't very child focused in those days. Knowing what problems it causes now I'd definitely allow children.

I really wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think most people care if you invite kids or not. They just go along with whatever. It’s only on mumsnet that I’ve seen such strong views about it.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/05/2021 14:09

Chippy tea and booze from Aldi. Job's a good 'un

And a wedding dress that was actually a 50p nightie from Oxfam

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/05/2021 14:09

@Flaxmeadow

I think part of the fashion now for excluding family members is that weddings are too highly planned down to every minute and nothing must interfere with that, even to the extent of excluding people.

One of the best weddings I went to was inexpensive and the event was allowed to unfold naturally. It was a local small town parish church, packed out and anyone was invited. Then a pub across the road with a buffet, also packed out and anyone was invited. Bride wore a simple but beautiful inexpensive dress, carried wildflowers, grooms hair was ruffled and his tie relaxed. It was a very traditional wedding in an old fashioned 18th century country way. Best wedding I've been to since I was a child

Well that's not a rule at all from my experience.

Some people just don't want children there even if it's low budget, fun wedding. Doesn't have to be super organised

It also, just a suggestion, may have something to do with parenting styles lately. I mean have you seen the mess families leave behind in restaurants? Or heard them?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/05/2021 14:11

The best weddings are the expensive ones where amazing high quality food is served, there's a free bar and a stunning location.

Not a popular opinion on here but I bet many people agree with me

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2021 14:12

@IceSwallowCome

" Chippy tea and booze from Aldi. Job's a good 'un."

Now you're talking...

Actually the binshed wedding is sounding quite appealing. Child free though, obviously. Grin
SecretSpAD · 09/05/2021 14:18

*The best weddings are the expensive ones where amazing high quality food is served, there's a free bar and a stunning location.

Not a popular opinion on here but I bet many people agree with me*

I totally agree with you!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/05/2021 14:20

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

The best weddings are the expensive ones where amazing high quality food is served, there's a free bar and a stunning location.

Not a popular opinion on here but I bet many people agree with me

The best wedding is the one everyone (most) are enjoying. Some cheap ones are great, some expensive ones are great. Some are shit😁
Daphnise · 09/05/2021 14:22

It's up to those getting married.

I prefer no children present, as there always seem to be some real brats, and idiot parents at weddings allowing children.

Wizzbangfizz · 09/05/2021 14:30

Totally agree @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

coogee · 09/05/2021 15:08

The best weddings are the expensive ones where amazing high quality food is served, there's a free bar and a stunning location.

Well, we had the free bar and stunning location but a lot of the food was brought by guests.

They only had themselves to blame if they thought the quality was low. Grin

AIMD · 09/05/2021 15:13

Wanting a child free wedding doesn’t make people megalomaniacs.
However those that say their weddings are child free and then get shitty when people can’t attend or can’t stay over due to childcare issues or not wanting to leave a small baby are a bit self obsessed.

I totally understand why someone, especially without their own children, might prefer an adult only even. To be honest most weddings have long boring bits that are hard for adults let’s along kids. You got expect some people to not be able to make it when you make that choice though.

ihavethehighground · 09/05/2021 15:17

YANBU OP. What's the point of a wedding without family being there? Joyless

DragonMuff · 09/05/2021 15:20

@ihavethehighground

YANBU OP. What's the point of a wedding without family being there? Joyless
The OP said child free, not family free.
IceSwallowCome · 09/05/2021 16:01

"YANBU OP. What's the point of a wedding without family being there? Joyless"

Not everyone has children in their family. 🙄

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/05/2021 16:07

It makes no sense to say that a childless wedding will be joyless - I have been to weddings with children and without, and both sorts were joyful occasions - we were all sharing in the happiness of the bride and groom on their wedding day.

Were the weddings different? Yes, they were - but different doesn’t mean better or worse.

If the venue for the reception has a maximum capacity, or if the bride and groom have a budget for the reception, they may have to make the choice between having some of their friends and relatives there with their children, or more of their adult friends and family there, but no children - and I can understand why they might want more adults rather than fewer adults but whole families.

They might want some children - children they are close to/know well/see often - but not want friends’ children who they’ve never met - one wedding we went to was child free apart from the children of close family - the venue was limited on capacity, so the groom was very apologetic about some children (close relatives) being invited, but not most people’s children including ours. We said no apology was necessary, and we absolutely understood their decision. It may be that some couples have a blanket ban on children because some of their friends/relatives would kick off if they were told that, although some kids would be there, their children were in the group of not invited ones.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/05/2021 16:09

@ihavethehighground - if a wedding is ‘joyless’, I’d suggest that there are bigger problems than the absence of children. The joy of the day should be in sharing the happiness of the people getting married, so a joyless wedding doesn’t speak well of the happiness of the couple.

juice92 · 09/05/2021 16:29

YABU

It is up to the people getting married. I chose not to have children at my wedding because I don't have them myself and all my friends children were toddlers at the time. I am not a huge fan of toddlers and didn't want to have to deal with them on the wedding day. We were polite about it and it was included on the invite, we were also fully prepared (and would not have been offended if it had happened) for someone to say they couldn't make it, not one couple with a child turned down our invite.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/05/2021 17:11

Gosh childless weddings are joyless?

When I was in my early 20's I knew a few people who got married and no one had kids there because everyone was still very young and hadn't had children yet. They were child free by default. We all managed not to despair at the lack of joy somehow 😂