Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

[DrunkPosting]

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

@DragonMuff

But yes if people invite babies to weddings they must know there's a risk of disruption to proceedings and don't care too much

Or they do care and don’t want the babies there for this reason, but feel pressured into having them along by arseholes who will complain/call them megalomaniacs/claim to have been excluded/say their marriage will fail through lack of child weddings guests etc if their baby isn’t invited.

Yes good point, as it was pointed out that the likelihood of the marriage failing increases if you have a child free wedding. Who knew?

Also child free weddings are both boring and formal yet drunk and disorderly. 😂

[quote littlepattilou]@DrunkPosting I agree, but I know many people on MN disagree.

I have always been to weddings where children are invited, and have only been invited to two (out of 30-odd I have been invited to in my lifetime) where children were excluded. I didn't go to those 2.

I just don't really want much to do with people who exclude children from weddings.[/quote]
You also don’t want much to do with vegan weddings either, if I remember rightly. Do you have some sort of issue with people having the wedding they want instead of the wedding you want?

I do get why people don’t wants kids there but we had kids at our wedding and it was great. They were all really well behaved and no trouble.

We had a child-light (close family DC only) wedding, mainly so we could fit in more friends.

Even then, my one of my nephews was allowed to scream through the speeches until the best man fixed the parents with a death stare (amusingly caught on video) and they finally took him out. It really spoiled an emotional moment though, as my DH was talking about his father, who had only recently died.

Parents can be very self-centred about not wanting to miss what's going on - have seen it happen in virtually every wedding ceremony too. So I don't blame anyone for preferring to be child-free, even though -apart from my noisy nephew- I enjoyed having some kids at ours.

I'd be direct on the invite if I decided to invite DC the invite would read "they can't sit or be quiet during important moment, please remove or they're out on their ear".
I went to a colleagues wedding she has 4 DC of her own so was happy inviting others she hired a children's entertainer while the speeches were on, it was a brilliant wedding.

[quote minniemomo]@saltinesandcoffeecups

Actually yes, my kids were taken to nice restaurants, pubs, cocktail parties etc because we didn't have the option of sitters, one of my DD's has sn and sitters rarely come back a second time. My DD's loved dressing up and knew how to behave at the table. Unfortunately this means they have a taste for expensive food!

[/quote]
So you subjected your ill behaved kids on random strangers, because your babysitters wouldn’t look after them for a fee.

Ouch... I’m not sure you made the point you thought you were making.

I just don't really want much to do with people who exclude children from weddings.

There's lots of valid reasons for weddings to be child free.

All those who can't get babysitters - do you never go out without your children? It's not as though a wedding is suddenly sprung upon the guests, there is usually plenty of notice. If you can't get someone to mind the kids then don't go to the wedding. It's really quite simple - stop making out that you are the most important guest and the whole affair will be a washout if you, and your kids, aren't there!

Exactly!

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

We had a child-light (close family DC only) wedding, mainly so we could fit in more friends.

Even then, my one of my nephews was allowed to scream through the speeches until the best man fixed the parents with a death stare (amusingly caught on video) and they finally took him out. It really spoiled an emotional moment though, as my DH was talking about his father, who had only recently died.

Parents can be very self-centred about not wanting to miss what's going on - have seen it happen in virtually every wedding ceremony too. So I don't blame anyone for preferring to be child-free, even though -apart from my noisy nephew- I enjoyed having some kids at ours.

This is exactly why I think they shouldn’t be there for at least both the vows and the speeches. Completely spoiling emotional moments like that.

@ghostyslovesheets

Nope other people’s children are hell

In many cases, this is true.

Admittedly adults can be hell too, but you can choose your guests. When you invite adults plus kids, even if you are friends with the adults you don't always know what their attitude is like - ie whether they'll take their child out the minute they start to make a noise, or whether they'll decide that it's their little darling's divine right to express her- or himself.

People can invite who they like to their weddings, especially when they are paying for them.

I can easily understand why some people don't want kids there. I was at a very posh wedding where they'd paid loads for a decent video guy. As the vows were being said somebody's kid shouted "mummy, I need a poo" and it's clearly audible in the video recording. 🤣

Although - it also depends on what you define as "children". I recently went to two "child-free" family weddings where 16 and 17 year olds were excluded. I thought that was taking things a bit far on the child-free thing!

I don’t like children, at all. I pay extra for adult only spaces regularly. I would pay double for child free flights. Children and weddings don’t mix.

Parents can be very self-centred about not wanting to miss what's going on - have seen it happen in virtually every wedding ceremony too.

People are quite within their rights to not invite kids. But I honestly don’t know anyone who wouldn’t take out a crying or noisy child if they were disturbing the speeches or ceremony. Who would be more interested in a speech that comforting and calming their own child? And surely if it’s speech, the person speaking would pause as they wouldn’t be heard, meaning anyone who even thought about not taking out a crying child, would be left with no choice. Unless they just don’t understand social norms? Your friends and family are obviously very different to mine if this is true.

@looptheloopinahulahoop

Although - it also depends on what you define as "children". I recently went to two "child-free" family weddings where 16 and 17 year olds were excluded. I thought that was taking things a bit far on the child-free thing!

DH has one surviving brother, he is married and has three DC, also all married. When our DC get married they would want to invite them all, so that’s eight invites. As the cousins are all older than out DC they have children, eight between them, the oldest being 18. To invite them all would be 16 invites, from one brother. It’s not a matter of ‘excluding’ the teenagers, it’s just not possible to invite them.

YABU

I love my children but I would happily leave them at home to go to a child-free wedding. Heck, I would happily leave them to go to a wedding that allowed children. My 3.5 year old wouldn’t be able to sit still for long (unless it was for food), can be loud and chatty and I would spend the entire wedding keeping an eye on him and keeping him out of trouble so wouldn’t be able to enjoy the wedding or catch up with people. My 6 yo is barely verbal, asd so wouldn’t bring him either (too unpredictable and he can get upset at the drop of a hat). My husband and I would take turns depending on whose wedding it is. Unless it was a family member who wanted children there, that would be the only reason we would go otherwise one of us would go depending on association.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

My friend had a child free wedding, and as a result loads of people couldn't come. I had to negotiate to even be able to bring my EBF bottle refusing baby. She was really huffy and offended that some people didn't come, and made a whole big thing of explaining that the reception venue could only fit so many people. In the end, having the perfect reception venue was more important to them than everyone being able to attend.

My other friend who got married a months earlier had lots of guests with young kids so she decided to hold the reception in a cheap and quite plain but very large and child friendly village hall/community center. It wasn't a grand and elegant wedding like the child free one, but every single person she invited was able to attend and we all had a blast. It was easily the best wedding I've ever been to. In the end having everyone she loved at her wedding was more important to her than having the perfect venue.

Of course everyone can make their own choice and I don't think it makes anyone a "megalomaniac" or anything, but I don't personally understand prioritising the perfect elegant venue over all you guests actually being able to attend.

I do wonder how many of these people couldn’t come and how many wouldn’t come. There’s a big difference between apologetically declining because, try as you might, you simply can’t get childcare, and huffily declaring that if your little darlings aren’t invited, you’re not going either. From your comment about her priority being the perfect reception venue, I’m guessing a lot of people fell into the latter category. They thought the event should be planned around them rather than the bride and groom.

For all the people saying child-free weddings are ‘joyless’, am I missing something, or isn’t the ‘joy’ of a wedding in the fact that two people in love are coming together? If you can’t find any joy in that because they’re aren’t any under-tens present, I think you need to seriously assess why you’re attending the wedding in the first place.

I still don’t know what couples who don’t have family members or close friends with small children are supposed to do to bring this much-vaunted joy to their wedding. None of my close friends have children - if I get engaged, should I make it a long engagement and tell them to hurry up and come off the pill, because I need some munchkins and their joy for my big day? Or do I just hire a gaggle of chirpy orphans for the day? Like Oliver Twist, but with less gruel and more fruit and marzipan-based cake?

There’s a big difference between apologetically declining because, try as you might, you simply can’t get childcare, and huffily declaring that if your little darlings aren’t invited, you’re not going either

Yes this. One of our friends had a childfree wedding and had a lot of their guests contact them complaining that they were a "unit" and you can't possibly invite the adults without inviting children etc etc. The bride and groom then rightly got huffy and pointed out that it was their wedding and their choice and if they didn't want to come then that's fine. The story we got however was that the bride and groom were immature and stroppy and nit understanding how difficult it is with children and demanding they come without them....

Since then I've wondered how many of these bride and groomzillas have actually just been like our friends, who just wanted to celebrate their marriage with their adult friends.

It isn’t just weddings children are excluded from these days.
DH is from a massive working class family. The whole family used fo be invited to celebrations growing up. It meant he spent a lot of time with his hundreds of cousins at anniversaries and birthdays.
Now they are all places where children aren’t invited.
So I never go. His hometown is 4 hours away and because all the adults are there we struggle for babysitters. One of his aunties told me her own daughter in law rarely comes to things as she is her babysitter.

For all the people saying child-free weddings are ‘joyless’, am I missing something, or isn’t the ‘joy’ of a wedding in the fact that two people in love are coming together? If you can’t find any joy in that because they’re aren’t any under-tens present, I think you need to seriously assess why you’re attending the wedding in the first place.

It's a lot about guests on MN. Like with gifts. Don't care what b&g want because their wish is just ridiculous imo, I decide what gift they get because I want to give them what I want. Same philosophy. I don't care what b&g want, I want to bring my offsprings and anything else is just ridiculous.

One of our friends had a childfree wedding and had a lot of their guests contact them complaining that they were a "unit" and you can't possibly invite the adults without inviting children

That’s just weird. Who would do that? Are these people that act normally in other situations? I just can’t imagine anyone actually contacting the bride and groom to complain. Surely if you felt like this, you just wouldn’t go, you wouldn’t actually complain.

@ClimbTime I only know one of the people who complained and she is very much of the type that she's the first woman ever to get pregnant/give birth and her child is the second coming. So it was expected from her.

The others, I don't know them.

It was a fab and joyous wedding though - very posh, but also totally chilled and fun.

I'd never expect a friend to invite my DC to their wedding, if it was a sibling I'd be disappointed if other DC were going.
I didn't have DC when the first two siblings got married they invited nieces/nephew no more than 3 DC, the 3rd sibling had DD as a flower girl there was 7 niece/nephews born by then it was outdoors abroad they all went.

I only know one of the people who complained and she is very much of the type that she's the first woman ever to get pregnant/give birth and her child is the second coming. So it was expected from her.

Sounds like she wouldn’t have been too much of a loss to the bride and groom if she didn’t attend then. 😬
I suppose some people are just quite entitled. I didn’t attend a couple of weddings because they were not allowing kids but they weren’t people I was really close to and it just seemed too much hassle to leave the kids. But I would never, ever have complained or even felt they were wrong to not invite my children.

In our case, there were very few people under 18 who would likely be considered (extended family that we rarely, if ever, saw). We were relatively young and our DPs (both sides) were very controlling of it generally including that they wanted significant numbers of their friends to attend. As numbers in our venue were limited, we had a child free policy (it was a family wedding with those DP friends who were insisted on - neither of us had any friends invited....if that helps indicate the levels of control and angst we dealt with).

My DCousins were generally mid teens to early 20s but lived hours away and overseas. In my family, weddings were always seen as an adult only affair - I got the impression at 1 point that my DGPs would have been happier to exclude at least some of my own DSiblings as they ranged from 15-24.

All siblings of B&G attended and 1 babe in arms. Otherwise, there was a 9 year old who unexpectedly arrived but whose parents assumed the invite, despite being worded only to "Mr and Mrs X", had included the DC as "everyone knows we never leave her behind".

If I had a choice of including even more "family" whom I never saw as well as all the extended DCousins etc (some of whom I met for the first time ever at the church!), or actually inviting a few of my own friends, I would have chosen my friends.

Ours wasn't an entirely traditional event though as while we had the proper meal etc, it was not a big function room but a series of dining rooms in an older country house, and all retired to the drawing room for a singsong or conservatory to chat in more peace after that. No dancing and no chance for running around on a cold, very wet day in middle of winter.