Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

[DrunkPosting]

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

[quote GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman]**@DragonMuff* @CokeDrinker* I don't define weddings as 'adult affairs', while I do agree that some things are in that category.

And yes, I think everyone has a responsibility to the children of the society they live in, just as we all do to the elderly or the out of work. Takes a village an' all that. I'm not saying that anyone MUST invite DC to their wedding, but I find it bloody odd when they exclude them, especially when that means excluding a number of their potential guests who can't find childcare. Had I not been able to take my baby to the wedding where I took her out, I wouldn't have been able to attend: she was EBF at the time, and even if we had been able to find childcare, it would have been yet another expense at a time in our lives when we had to budget pretty carefully.

I find it extraordinarily disturbing that people think weddings is a place for children.
I find it very strange that you feel like that. I'm not exactly ancient, but when I was a kid it was entirely normal for children to go to weddings. You learned to sit quietly in church during the service (plenty of chance to fidget when everyone got up and down to sing or pray or whatever, plenty to look at, bride's dress, bridesmaids, hats...) and when it got to the 'lewd speeches', if you were under about 10 you didn't understand the joke and if you were over about ten you were probably with the other kids scrounging leftover desserts and chocolates and exploring the corridors and grounds of whatever hotel the reception was held in. I've not been to a wedding for a few years now, but the last one I went to had loads of DC present.[/quote]
I don’t necessarily think weddings are “adult affairs”. I invited my nieces and nephews (and there’s quite a few of them!) to mine, but that was because I love them and wanted them there, not because I thought they needed to learn about weddings. I agree that society has a responsibility to children but hosting an event with children’s socialisation in mind rather than making it the celebration you want is really not part of that in my opinion.

Not allowing babies or in fact any children isn’t “excluding” anyone, any more than having a wedding on a weekday is “excluding” teachers. Sometimes people host events that others can’t attend for various reasons, it’s really unhelpful for people to interpret that as others “excluding” them. It isn’t. It’s just an event that isn’t convenient or possible to attend like any other.

We were invited to a wedding with DS who was then 2 months old or so. I was very apprehensive (bf and a clueless first time Mum) but groom insisted we came. (Not family - son of DH’s business partner). The church was fine and at the reception we put him in his carrycot in a pantry type room next to the room the reception was in and I sat at the table by the door. |t worked perfectly, though service might have been a bit slow because the waitresses spent so much time cooing at DS!

@KaleSlayer

*you CAN always just not attend.

Part of the problem is that that's not always true - not without someone taking offence and falling out with you or putting huge pressure on you.

If couples getting married stopped taking offence that people can't get babysitters, can't take random days off work, and can't fuck off to somewhere random for a week then it would make things easier.

Both those getting married and invited guests need to see invitations as just that.

We had a child free wedding. Specifically so as our friends could hang out together and have a drink and a dance with out worrying about where their kids were, what they were doing, if they were tired, if they were bugging anyone etc etc etc. They could have a day off and stay in hotel and not have to think about getting up in the morning and deal with making breakfast, looking after kids etc with a hangover. I also had no bridesmaids so as everyone could have a nice chilled out morning without feeling like they would have to pander to me though so maybe I'm not the person to comment on this!!

'Part of the problem is that that's not always true - not without someone taking offence and falling out with you or putting huge pressure on you.

If couples getting married stopped taking offence that people can't get babysitters, can't take random days off work, and can't fuck off to somewhere random for a week then it would make things easier.

Both those getting married and invited guests need to see invitations as just that.'

Spot on. Couples can invite or not invite whoever they like to their weddings, obviously, but if they don't include my children in the invitation, they should suck it up with grace if I decline.

Those child-free weddings sound awful. Long sit down dinners. Lewd best man speeches. Whisky tasting (why?!).

The weddings I go to have all ages and are far less formal and more fun.

Those child-free weddings sound awful. Long sit down dinners. Lewd best man speeches. Whisky tasting (why?!).

You have the kind of wedding you want and let others do the same.

We don’t all enjoy the same things and that’s ok.

@PuttingOnTheKitsch

Those child-free weddings sound awful. Long sit down dinners. Lewd best man speeches. Whisky tasting (why?!).

The weddings I go to have all ages and are far less formal and more fun.

My child free wedding had none of that and was fantastic. Nothing formal about it either and I do believe people had fun. Without their children.

The one lewd best man’s speech I’ve heard was at a wedding with kids.

@Chamonixshoopshoop

The bridezillas who refused children ag their weddings (including breast feeding babes in arms), are all divorced now. The ones that made it a family occasion, to celebrate the marriage with the people who have gone onto help them through it, are all still married. People lose their minds over one day forgetting they’re actually getting married!

Yeah, right! Methinks this just suits your narrative.

Part of the problem is that that's not always true - not without someone taking offence and falling out with you or putting huge pressure on you.

If they’re the type of person to take offence or fall out or put pressure on me, then they’re probably not my sort of person anyway so I wouldn’t really care.

If someone invited me to a child free wedding and I didn't want/couldn't get childcare then I wouldn't go and that's that. I'm sure they wouldn't be losing sleep over my lack of attendance.

I had children at my wedding, tons of them and of varying ages (family and friends kids) from a couple of months old to teens. My bridesmaid brought her little baby and had to leave early, it is what it is, no hard feelings. I would expect her to have to same response when it comes to her upcoming wedding and my baby DD.

Each to their own! I can understand why some might want adults only so everyone can fully let loose and not worry about the responsibility of children/someone else's kids that they aren't managing!

I'm off to a wedding (hopefully if it goes ahead) this year and will have a 10m DD in tow. She will be one of the only kids there most likely but as it's abroad I had to tell them upfront that if they wanted me there she would be there too. If she kicks off during the ceremony, will I leave, hell yes!!!!!! It's not fair.

That being said, during our wedding, one of the kids was babbling and laughing, and wanted to walk up to us, found it very cute and for us, the children really added to the lovely rustic, laid back vibe. Probably helped that we had garden games and a pizza truck though !!

If she kicks off during the ceremony, will I leave, hell yes!!!!!! It's not fair.

Of course you should leave but if they've already 'kicked off' it's a bit late. Screaming babies aren't cute at weddings especially during the important bit.

Of course you should leave but if they've already 'kicked off' it's a bit late. sad Screaming babies aren't cute at weddings especially during the important bit.

This happened in a wedding I went to. The bride and groom laughed, as did everyone else. The wedding carried on. If they invite kids, they know there’s a chance of it happening. It’s really not the end of the world.

This thread is just getting ridiculous!!! The wedding is for the bride and groom, and they can invite who they want. If they want to exclude children, their family, their friends, whoever, they are allowed to.

All those who can't get babysitters - do you never go out without your children? It's not as though a wedding is suddenly sprung upon the guests, there is usually plenty of notice. If you can't get someone to mind the kids then don't go to the wedding. It's really quite simple - stop making out that you are the most important guest and the whole affair will be a washout if you, and your kids, aren't there!

@KaleSlayer

Of course you should leave but if they've already 'kicked off' it's a bit late. sad Screaming babies aren't cute at weddings especially during the important bit.

This happened in a wedding I went to. The bride and groom laughed, as did everyone else. The wedding carried on. If they invite kids, they know there’s a chance of it happening. It’s really not the end of the world.

They laughed at a screaming baby?

But yes if people invite babies to weddings they must know there's a risk of disruption to proceedings and don't care too much.

Two frame of minds. I have been to Child free weddings and i did prefer them, however for mine I wouldnt do child free as that would exclude too many people I know.

I have found the weddings which have had kids have been quite dominated by children, mums flaunting their girls pretty dresses, children running around, the families making it about their kids getting to play and socialize. It is as if they think everyone else there is fascinated by their children and dont seem to understand that most don't care.

They laughed at a screaming baby?

They laughed at the timing of the screaming. It was funny. The child was being held by her mother and calmed down very quickly.

Definitely a goady post, as it’s entirely at the discretion of the bride and groom if they don’t want children at their wedding.

I don’t have a strong opinion. We had kids at our wedding but it wouldn’t have been possible for some of our closest friends or family members to come if we hadn’t, as there were a lot of toddlers involved! Some friends made their own arrangements, but there were still quite a few children there on the day.

I didn’t mind, although obviously it was expensive and there were some people we couldn’t invite to the reception as a result.

I see weddings as family celebrations that should include children.
Loads of people disagree!
As a child I went to several weddings and loved them, there was such excitement and a real sense of occasion, it being a special day, I do think its sad that children dont often experience weddings now.
I think the emphasis has changed from a wedding being a family celebration to being more of an expensive and exclusive adult only affair.
I think it cost thats a driving factor but personally I'd rather leave off something like a photo booth or wedding favours and invite the kids.
I don't think children spoil the day and I wouldnt be precious about babies crying etc
Ultimately its the bride and grooms day but I secretly I always think its sad when children are excluded particularly within the family.

Op yanbu I agree. The formality, the ponciness, the snowflake attitudes to "my day my rulz" are not nearly as insufferable at weddings with kids present imo.

@GalaxyGirl24

If someone invited me to a child free wedding and I didn't want/couldn't get childcare then I wouldn't go and that's that. I'm sure they wouldn't be losing sleep over my lack of attendance.

I had children at my wedding, tons of them and of varying ages (family and friends kids) from a couple of months old to teens. My bridesmaid brought her little baby and had to leave early, it is what it is, no hard feelings. I would expect her to have to same response when it comes to her upcoming wedding and my baby DD.

Each to their own! I can understand why some might want adults only so everyone can fully let loose and not worry about the responsibility of children/someone else's kids that they aren't managing!

I'm off to a wedding (hopefully if it goes ahead) this year and will have a 10m DD in tow. She will be one of the only kids there most likely but as it's abroad I had to tell them upfront that if they wanted me there she would be there too. If she kicks off during the ceremony, will I leave, hell yes!!!!!! It's not fair.

That being said, during our wedding, one of the kids was babbling and laughing, and wanted to walk up to us, found it very cute and for us, the children really added to the lovely rustic, laid back vibe. Probably helped that we had garden games and a pizza truck though !!

Indeed...I mean in all honesty most couples are counting on 10% decline rate! Helps with numbers/costs and there are bound to be some people they want there more than others.....

But yes if people invite babies to weddings they must know there's a risk of disruption to proceedings and don't care too much

Or they do care and don’t want the babies there for this reason, but feel pressured into having them along by arseholes who will complain/call them megalomaniacs/claim to have been excluded/say their marriage will fail through lack of child weddings guests etc if their baby isn’t invited.

"It's two people, each from their own family, and the families are connected by means of the wedding of the two individuals, whether the two people have children or not"

Right so that covers family children.
?

Why does it mean that you have to invite the children of your mate from uni who you have never met?

@DragonMuff, because you are acknowledging that your friend from university has a life that has moved on from the days when you first met, just as yours has or you wouldn't be having a wedding, and you are respectful of the fact that your friend now has enlarged her life to accommodate a child (or two or three...)

Friendships grow, no? People's lives change, no? We take the changes in stride and accommodate them, no?

I assume if you've never met their children you don't know their partner that well either. Do you refuse to invite a university friend's partner on the basis that you've never met them or don't know them, or they weren't in the friend's life when you knew them?

Why are you inviting people you're clearly not close to to your wedding?

A young child screamed throughout the vows at my db’s wedding. The parents didn’t want to miss this special moment so didn’t leave the church. The same child then screamed throughout the best man’s speech and again, the parents didn’t want to miss the good bit, so didn’t take it out. Some years later, I decided not to have children at my wedding.