To potentially ruin a lovely life with a 3rd child!!

[Noideawhatimdoing12]

I need wise advice mumsnetters and I'm secretly hoping you tell me exactly what choice to make (although I know it that's not how it works unfortunately).

So I have 2 lovely dd 11 and 8 and they are the best of friends (99% of the time). But me and dh love the idea of a 3rd child.

I'm 33 and he is 40, we come from small families. Dh is an only child and I have one sister who is my best friend but she doesn't have or want any children. I've loved being a parent and having a family and I saw a big busy family as I got older. So...

Are the age gaps to big?

I'm so worried that my dd11, who loves the idea of a big family will love a baby, but my dd8 will not cope with her big sister choosing a baby over her and feel rejected (she's more sensitive and a bit needy and hates the idea of another sibling).
She will be the poor middle child. Is this a silly reason?

Is it selfish to have a 3rd for it to spend most its childhood an only child when the other two have gone off into the world?

What if I ruin such a lovely comfortable life? For all of us.

But....
What if its lovely, and busy, and everyone gets on, and it makes my dd8 confident and capable.

I'm driving myself crazy...
Anyone any words of wisdom or experiences of 3rd babies with age gaps or regrets?

There is a big gap between my eldest two and my last. It worked OK when they were all young but now my older two are adults I feel that I am still trapped whereas I could be doing more with life now. However I did end up a single parent when youngest was two so that colours my view.

Personally I would advise 'no' but only you and your family can decide what will work for you all.

@Noideawhatimdoing12 reading with interest and wondering if you made a decision?

There are too many children in this world already. I’d be grateful for what I already have.

I'm a child that would be in a similar situation as your third. I was an only child in a family.

The others were close in age and therefore close.

I wasn't!

If you have another, then have two. So they have a close sibling.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERY

We decided to go for it. My husband had a vasectomy reversal in June and I'm 7 weeks pregnant!! It was a big a shock (i didn't think it would happen at all never mind so quickly). But we decided -better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't. We are very excited and i guess we will see...

Congratulations!! Lovely update. We're still thinking, no idea how we'll decide!

Your older DD is going to be a teenager and in my experience this will change the dynamic. Mine are 12, 10, 8 and 3 and while the older ones just LOVED the baby stage (don't we all) there is a lot more juggling now and that's just practical things. Having a teenager and a baby will be tricky. But having a bigger family is noisy, busy and great fun. I would stick at 2 though in your position.

Congrats! I wanted to come on here and add (as there are a lot of doom and gloom comments, although you did ask people’s opinions).

I honestly believe a LOT of how much siblings get on is to do with how their parented. I see many parents not fairly parenting ie. they favour one child, or treat the unfairly and this is a major cause of siblings not getting a long. Or jealously. Etc. Read up on some decent parenting books. Listen and be fair and I think it doesn’t matter on age gaps.

I’m the youngest of 3 (by 8 & 5 years). I found it fine and I’ve always been quite grown up for my age. I have two kids 3 & 6 and have constantly wondered about a 3rd for the last 18m…my husband is also one of three.

Good luck!

Oh gosh! I could have posted this! We have an 11 and 8 year old. And we debate over a third regularly. I’m 30 and DH is 40. Following for advice….

@Noideawhatimdoing12

We decided to go for it. My husband had a vasectomy reversal in June and I'm 7 weeks pregnant!! It was a big a shock (i didn't think it would happen at all never mind so quickly). But we decided -better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't. We are very excited and i guess we will see...

Ah I commented before I seen your update! Congratulations