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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband that his parents cant come over

264 replies

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 13:45

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 07/05/2021 05:29

@Gogetsalife

You’re a catch aren’t youHmm. It’s been a year. What difference will two weeks make. Use your common sense. If I was your DH and knew THIS about you. You’d just open the door to them. No warning. Nothing.
Except the husband expects OP to cook for ten people and have the house clean and ready for his guests.

So he wouldn’t do what you said you’d do as your guests in this instance would end up sitting around in an untidy house with no food. Because the husband apparently is unable to cater for his own family. Who he doesn’t sound like he particularly likes anyway.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 07/05/2021 05:42

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.
Well said, and as for everyone harping on about "rules" Hmm
CirclesWithinCircles · 07/05/2021 05:48

Neither you or DP drive and the parents are travelling 4 hours to visit? And you want to.prevent this as you think it might rain?

Bloody hell, they're not moving in, the visit will be over quickly and your DP doesn't even speak to them or see them that often (like many adults), I'd just let it go ahead and stop inventing obstacles. It's not really that a big deal.

spaceghetto · 07/05/2021 05:52

Yanbu. You haven't been involved in any of the planning. Breaking rules is a personal decision and they've decided this plan without you!

devastating · 07/05/2021 05:59

@sergeilavrov

Stick to your no. The “what difference does a few weeks make” are the biggest whiners when lockdowns happen. Also the least likely to understand how important periods of monitoring are prior to opening up, in my experience. Thanks for being a responsible person.
^ this
redtshirt50 · 07/05/2021 06:09

I think YABU on the basis it's her birthday - it won't be her birthday anymore in a few weeks.

Zeewest · 07/05/2021 06:11

Order takeaway

HarebrightCedarmoon · 07/05/2021 06:21

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.
And is he the one cooking/entertaining? No, you can just unilaterally invite people to your house and expect your partner to cook. And yes I absolutely fucking am the boss where decisions like that are involved, as I will be the one doing most of the work (happily, if DH checks with me first).
Onlinedilema · 07/05/2021 06:28

Op your in laws are rude cfers. Your dh needs to grow a spine.
Stick to your guns, tell him if they come inside you will be going out.

maddening · 07/05/2021 06:31

If it goes ahead get a gazebo with walls and a heater., try and keep it outdoors and get lateral flow tests and all test as they arrive Imo..

maddening · 07/05/2021 06:32

Or suggest your dh does to them

maddening · 07/05/2021 06:33

Via taxi and public transport, will be the same code or less than entertaining 10 people.

Bumblebee1980a · 07/05/2021 06:36

@HarebrightCedarmoon

And yes I absolutely fucking am the boss

You sound an absolute delight. I hate women who think like this. Your decision whether to cook or not but not your decision regarding whether his parents are allowed around.

maddening · 07/05/2021 06:38

Oh YES. and if they come dh cooks and cleans, that would be totally on him. If he can't cook he can organise a takeaway.

blackcat86 · 07/05/2021 06:39

Sorry but you're being a huge martyr. Just refuse to do the wife work, go out, be unavailable, come down with a mystery bug. Your DH is a grown adult who can cater for the people he's invited. You do not need to drop everything to cook for 10 - he needs to make arrangements doesn't it. If it doesn't happen then so what? It's his family that will he hungry and he'll have to sort something won't he

Skyla2005 · 07/05/2021 06:45

You don't want them to come and are using COVID as an excuse. Not ok it's his mum and dad for gods sake. You can have them in I bet they have been vaccinated

Skyla2005 · 07/05/2021 06:47

@Onlinedilema

Op your in laws are rude cfers. Your dh needs to grow a spine. Stick to your guns, tell him if they come inside you will be going out.
Bonkers alert !!!!
LAMPS1 · 07/05/2021 06:48

You are not being at all unreasonable to say no.
I’d be saying no because of covid rules
I’d be saying no because I already had plans for that day
I’d be saying no because of short notice/limited time to plan properly
I’d be saying no because I hadn’t even been consulted by DH
I’d be saying no because they all invited themselves. Who does that !
I’d be saying no because of space issues indoors/unreliable weather.
And...I would be very upset that my DH couldn’t see how unreasonable he is being in not going along with my suggestion to host it properly and happily a bit later on.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 07/05/2021 06:50

[quote Bumblebee1980a]@HarebrightCedarmoon

And yes I absolutely fucking am the boss

You sound an absolute delight. I hate women who think like this. Your decision whether to cook or not but not your decision regarding whether his parents are allowed around. [/quote]
Love, no-one cares. This is Mumsnet, not Men's Rights Activists Are Us.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/05/2021 06:51

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.
Don't pretend to be stupid. If OP isn't happy with people breaking the law in her home she's allowed to say no.
Whydidimarryhim · 07/05/2021 07:02

Hi op did mother in law make the arrangements? Or did your husband invite them.
If she is rude to you tell her you won’t accept being ignored in your own home.
Is husband close to his parents?
Is it a given they come when they want?
You don’t sound like you like them much and that’s ok.
It’s meant to pee down Saturday here - London - good luck

ineedaholidaynow · 07/05/2021 07:03

@Skyla2005 it’s not just the parents who are coming, there are 4 other family members coming who may not have been vaccinated.

ememem84 · 07/05/2021 07:07

@alwaystired234

I feel a lot better after the last few messages. unfortunately just washing my hands of the situation will not fly and if I do not cater then I will be treated like public enemy number one by everyone
You said you had plans. Stick to them. Go out. Then you can’t be there to cook.
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/05/2021 09:14

Love, no-one cares. This is Mumsnet, not Men's Rights Activists Are Us.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

drpet49 · 07/05/2021 09:40

* I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.*

^Completley agree. If you don’t want to cook fine. But you don’t get to say if his parents are allowed to come. It is his house too.