To tell my husband that his parents cant come over

[alwaystired234]

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?

When i read posts like this it is so easy to see why marriages break up.

In laws that invite themselves over without checking would it suit....Rude.

A husband who accepts it...Rude.

A husband that tells you that it's happening...rude.

The expectation that YOU will cater...fxxking unbelievable.

A husband who does nothing to help when his family invite themselves over...again unbelievable.

A husband who would just tell you this is happening....so rude.

Neither my husband or myself would dream of being so rude and disrespectful of eachother.
We always check will things work with the other. Basic courtesy.

It does help that neither of our family's would dream of being so rude though.

YANBU OP.

What a crowd you married into.

They want a home cooked meal? He can sling chips and nuggets in the oven then. Fuck that.

@billy1966

When i read posts like this it is so easy to see why marriages break up.

In laws that invite themselves over without checking would it suit....Rude.

A husband who accepts it...Rude.

A husband that tells you that it's happening...rude.

The expectation that YOU will cater...fxxking unbelievable.

A husband who does nothing to help when his family invite themselves over...again unbelievable.

A husband who would just tell you this is happening....so rude.

Neither my husband or myself would dream of being so rude and disrespectful of eachother.
We always check will things work with the other. Basic courtesy.

It does help that neither of our family's would dream of being so rude though.

YANBU OP.

What a crowd you married into.

Absolutely this

Not to mention (!) that the entire family is expecting the OP to join them in openly breaking the law and somehow she’s the unreasonable one.

*He hasn’t seen them in a year, they are driving 4 hours to celebrate his mums birthday and you want to stick to the rules. Give over.

Exactly*

Um.. if it is such a big deal then HE could go to them instead of them deciding to have a party of 10 at OP’s home without seemingly asking him or OP! He is their son. What excuse does he have for not visiting them? Can’t say it for the rules since he would be breaking them if they visited him. They also obviously don’t care about rules since again, they’ve decided to have a party at someone else’s home without asking. Did you even read the thread?

@billy1966

When i read posts like this it is so easy to see why marriages break up.

In laws that invite themselves over without checking would it suit....Rude.

A husband who accepts it...Rude.

A husband that tells you that it's happening...rude.

The expectation that YOU will cater...fxxking unbelievable.

A husband who does nothing to help when his family invite themselves over...again unbelievable.

A husband who would just tell you this is happening....so rude.

Neither my husband or myself would dream of being so rude and disrespectful of eachother.
We always check will things work with the other. Basic courtesy.

It does help that neither of our family's would dream of being so rude though.

YANBU OP.

What a crowd you married into.

Oh do fuck off making sense!

It spoils it for all the "My partner isn't a child he can do what he wants; I can rustle up the enthusiasm, time and ingredients to feed 10 people who don't like me much with 2 days notice; why are you being mean they are his family; get a takaway for 10- 20 people, easy peasy!" posters!

Why there are any answers other than "Fuck! Does he often forget to communicate and then expect you to jump to at short notice?" answers I have no idea!

Can they not each bring something and do a lovely indoor picnic?

Mind you, this isn't about catering is it.

@Bluntness100

So it’s his sibling coming over with their kids? And his dad?

It’s quite a big gathering to be fair, but did you have something else planned? What difference does two weeks make?

A quick google search shows that enforcing the uk lockdown just a week earlier last year could have saved ca 20,000 lives.

Every day thousands more people are getting vaccinated. Every day matters.

It's not that he hasn't seen them for a year, he hasn't even bothered to speak to them a for a year and expects OP to do everything, keep in contact, host, cater etc

YANBU.

1. They should have checked with you.
2. It's illegal regardless of the weather so your counteroffer is perfectly reasonable.
3. Why are you the one planning and cooking? Why can't your husband do it? We don't live in 1950s.
4. Sounds like your relationship with in-laws is not good so I wouldn't worry about making it worse. You're trying to compromise and if they won't take it, it's not your fault.
5. If your husband can't make them not to come, you could tell him you'll be out and you want nothing to do with it.

Can I ask if you don't facilitate this who will be accusing you of sabotaging things? If it's them then you can just ignore them completely and if it's your partner then that's a different situation and that needs discussing more.

*billy1966
When i read posts like this it is so easy to see why marriages break up.

In laws that invite themselves over without checking would it suit....Rude.

A husband who accepts it...Rude.

A husband that tells you that it's happening...rude.

The expectation that YOU will cater...fxxking unbelievable.

A husband who does nothing to help when his family invite themselves over...again unbelievable.

A husband who would just tell you this is happening....so rude.

Neither my husband or myself would dream of being so rude and disrespectful of eachother.
We always check will things work with the other. Basic courtesy.

It does help that neither of our family's would dream of being so rude though.

YANBU OP.

What a crowd you married into.hmm
Oh do fuck off making sense!

It spoils it for all the "My partner isn't a child he can do what he wants; I can rustle up the enthusiasm, time and ingredients to feed 10 people who don't like me much with 2 days notice; why are you being mean they are his family; get a takaway for 10- 20 people, easy peasy!" posters!

Why there are any answers other than "Fuck! Does he often forget to communicate and then expect you to jump to at short notice?" answers I have no idea!*

Absolutely, totally this. Amazing how many posters there are falling over themselves to tell the OP she's being unreasonable to expect some consideration and some communication from her husband. Otherwise she's treating him like a child. God forbid that a man should consult with his wife before expecting her to drop everything to cater for his large family, who are doubtless unappreciative of her doing everything.

@alwaystired234

I feel a lot better after the last few messages. unfortunately just washing my hands of the situation will not fly and if I do not cater then I will be treated like public enemy number one by everyone

It's not like they care what you think of them for inviting themselves and giving you no say.

Are you afraid of your husband OP?
Could you just say you will not be doing any catering for a bunch of cheeky fuckers, inviting everyone ant their granny(or FIL) to your home and expecting you to just suck it up.
Tell him you will be going out for the day and he can sort it. So what if they hate you for it.

Ah of course 'it's the rules' or is it because you cannot be bothered?

@IhaveMyMoments

A meal for 10 in 2 days? A roast Curry Chilli

All nice and simple.

Or get a take away and be done with it.

Why can't he?

I'm just not a fan of being told I'm going to have to drop all of my plans cook for 10 (because he won't) with no notice.

You don't. Stick to your plans. He arranged it, he can cook.

You have plans - stick to them. There is no way DH or I would do this to each other and neither would our families expect to turn up and be catered for having invited themselves!
It sounds like some ground rules need to be laid down now.

I'd be clapping my hand to my forehead in disbelief and saying Saturday? OMG - I can't believe I forgot to tell you! I'm going out for the whole day, on Saturday. I've made plans. Sorry. I'm sure you'll have fun with your parents though, darling.

If DH wants to give in to short notice demands when they can be bothered to see him he can sort them out, not use you as a catering service.

They don't treat you with respect, have little contact with your DH and when they do make last minute demands and sulk if you don't play along? I wouldn't be making the effort to facilitate anything, if they care about your DH and DC they can go through him. Cut the wifework off.

If you don’t want to be there don’t be there but you can’t deny his parents coming.
Regardless of their relationship.

I think you're being totally unreasonable. If my other half told me I couldn't invite my parents round I'd seriously reassess our relationship.

His parents. Up to him.

This is more about your relationship with your dh than a lunch date

YANBu. We’re sticking to the rules, so in your shoes, I’d happily have them in a couple of weeks but not before. Presumably, you’ve both agreed you’re sticking to the rules. If he wanted to go to their house alone it would be different, but by inviting them in, he’s forcing you to break the rules too. That’s just as dictatorial as many have accused you of.

Yes, it’s been a year, but through their collective choice. This isn’t a family who’ve been desperate to see each other and it’s their first chance. We’ve had big birthday celebrations we’ve had to postpone for over a year, celebrating a couple of weeks late is no big deal.

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.

Completely agree. Couldn't have put it better.

It is not about you and stop trying to control things. Don’t offer to do it properly later. Leave the house and leave him to it!