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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband that his parents cant come over

264 replies

alwaystired234 · 06/05/2021 13:45

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?

OP posts:
JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 06/05/2021 17:14

I think you’re being a bit mean.

AlwaysLatte · 06/05/2021 17:16

Yes a discussion first is always best, most people would. Why can they not come just a week or two later when hopefully the rules will be lifted enough for them to stay the night - if you offered that and a day out the following day it's a nicer birthday treat than 8 hours driving in one day just to sit in a (possibly) wet garden.

SugarCrash1 · 06/05/2021 17:16

People in a democracy should keep the law with only a few possible exceptions for civil disobedience on matters of principle.
Even if you disagree with that, it is bullying to say that keeping within the law is unreasonable behaviour.

SandyY2K · 06/05/2021 17:31

he does whatever he wants 99% of the time.

And you let him.

I'm just not a fan of being told I'm going to have to drop all of my plans cook for 10 (because he won't) with no notice.

You may not be a fan, but if you continue to do it and bow down, you'll always be in this or similar situations.

It's a blatant disrespect of him to agree to have them over, when the catering falls on you. He should have checked with you first.

People treat you how you let them in life.

randomer · 06/05/2021 17:37

Buy a load of ready meals and sprinkle parsley on top.

Coffeepot72 · 06/05/2021 17:37

Practically everyone I know seems to have restarted indoor socialising - but that doesn’t make it right.

singleagain22 · 06/05/2021 17:40

Have you had any other guests inside? If not, your suggestion of waiting until restrictions are lifted is perfectly fine.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 06/05/2021 17:42

Yabu.

We've booked a sneaky hotel stay before things get stupidly busy and going by the fact every hotel in the same place there'll be a lot of people going to ' funerals' this weekend too.

We're all fully vaccinated and have stuck to the rules throughout. A few days will make no difference in the grand scheme of things.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 06/05/2021 17:43

@randomer - I love your thinking!

CustardySergeant · 06/05/2021 17:44

[quote alwaystired234]@MichelleScarn I have 2 children and they have 3 and theyd bring partners fil.[/quote]
They are bringing your partners father-in-law? Confused

3Britnee · 06/05/2021 17:45

@alwaystired234

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?
Yes you are. And contolling. It's his house too.

What difference does it make if they come inside this weekend or one in 2 weeks time??

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 17:52

I'd tell you to get knotted.

CirqueDeMorgue · 06/05/2021 17:53

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.
Totally agree with this.
Maggiesfarm · 06/05/2021 17:54

alwaystired234

Husband has very on and off relationship with his family and will make effort every 4 or 5 months then not taking at all inbetween and has not seen his parents in a year. Purely his and their choices. hes told me yesterday that they will be coming over on Saturday to celebrate his mums birthday. They live 4 hours away and will be driving. I told him that I'm not sure that it's a good idea as its scheduled to rain and we will not be able to stay in the garden the entire time. I told him why dont we wait a couple of weeks until we can stay inside and I will cook a nice meal and it will be a pleasant experience. He has told me that we can come inside if it's cold (which I've said no to) and theyve booked time off specifically to come over. But haven't even asked beforehand. Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband they can t come over?
........
Does your husband consider his relationship with his parents to be 'on and off'? Has he actually said that or is it your interpretation?

Doghead · 06/05/2021 17:59

@Bluntness100

I don’t really understand how this works, why you’re the boss and he needs to obey? He can invite his parents to his own home, hopefully with your agreement, if not you can just leave, what you don’t get to do is tell him no. He’s not your child.
This!
Macncheeseballs · 06/05/2021 18:01

It's not 'no notice', between you, you can rustle up a meal for 10 in 2 days?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 18:03

@Macncheeseballs

It's not 'no notice', between you, you can rustle up a meal for 10 in 2 days?
So can he! I'd leave him to 'rustle up a meal for 10' in 2 days and not clean up any of it, either.
IhaveMyMoments · 06/05/2021 18:04

Omg. A year.
I'd let them in, but then I stuck to the rules to protect a loved one and she died alone not of covid. But said days before she was the loneliest she'd ever been!
So from that day forward. I have made sure. My kids get to see their GPS. Whether thanks indoors our out.
We get one life. Live it.

gamerchick · 06/05/2021 18:04

[quote alwaystired234]@lweji if I dont cater the entire thing then I will be treated like I am sabotaging their relationship[/quote]
So what? The alternative being you be treated like a doormat for the rest of your life?

At least tell him he needs to go and get a lot of sling in the oven stuff. Make him go for it.

I dont understand this kind of venting. It's going to happen over and over again if you don't say no more.

IhaveMyMoments · 06/05/2021 18:05

A meal for 10 in 2 days?
A roast
Curry
Chilli

All nice and simple.

Or get a take away and be done with it.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 18:07
  • *@lweji if I dont cater the entire thing then I will be treated like I am sabotaging their relationship

So let him. Grey rock that shit. He's perfectly capable of catering.

SpaceshiptoMars · 06/05/2021 18:11

If they want home cooking, point DH to the Cook website and tell him to get ordering pronto.
www.cookfood.net

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/05/2021 18:13

@alwaystired234

I feel a lot better after the last few messages. unfortunately just washing my hands of the situation will not fly and if I do not cater then I will be treated like public enemy number one by everyone
They're already treating you like shit, telling you two days before turning up mob-handed to be catered to! So I'm really not seeing a downside to them making it official!

Seriously, just go out that day. Leave your husband to it. His family, his problem.

SkyeIsPink · 06/05/2021 18:13

Honestly, I wouldn’t cook and I’d go out for drinks for the entire time they’re there. Their relationship is already shit, you doing a big meal for them isn’t going to change that.

Arrowheart · 06/05/2021 18:14

@drpet49

He hasn’t seen them in a year, they are driving 4 hours to celebrate his mums birthday and you want to stick to the rules. Give over.
Exactly