To want to shout F off to men perving over my teenage daughter

[Tuesdaysintheazores]

Literally on a walk to the shops, the amount who openly stare and gawp, I'm talking men in their 30s ish and older not teenagers. Gives me the rage

@Tuesdaysintheazores cannot believe any woman would question the validity of your story. I remember being started at, wolf whistled at etc. constantly from 13 onwards.

I used to sing in a band. When we were 16 we went to do a few tracks at a recording studio. The 40 odd year old sound guy told my male band mates that I had curves in all the right places.

The look of anger in my eyes when he reached my face gave him a bit of a fright though

A very curt ‘can I help you?’ Is usually enough.

I don’t doubt the OP for a second. I remember it happening to me from the age of 11. Revolting.

Yes I can’t believe any woman would question the validity of this. It’s startlingly and scarily common.

Ugh. YANBU. I remember the first time this happened, think my daughter was 13 or 14. We were on a walk and I was quite a bit behind, so saw him look her up and down from a distance. He's lucky I wasn't closer, I might have shoved him off the cliff.

@Tuesdaysintheazores yes I’m surprised people don’t believe it either! I saw the attached on twitter recently and when I look back at my teen years was surprised this figure wasn’t a bit higher!

Yep happened to my DD from the age of 13. If she felt it was safe she would call it out. She shouldn't have to make decisions like that.

Men are going to look at physically mature, attractive "women". Surely they'd have to look to decide that she's too young to be looked at?

What a strange comment. Do YOU experience an uncontrollable urge to gawp at every stranger of the opposite sex in the street? It’s not a problem I’ve ever had.

My poor DD had this many years ago, at the age of NINE. On holiday in Tunisia, a member of the hotel staff, in his twenties, tried to chat her up to go to a disco with him. And when I snarled “She’s nine”, he retorted “Well she looks 12!”
I was gobsmacked- how could he think it was ok to perv on 12 year old children?

The thing is, as a teenage girl I didn’t ‘get it’ for the pervy, initimidating, objectification it obviously was and felt flattered.

Me too! I cringe when I think of how 13 year-old me took it as a complement, imagining they were stunned by my beauty.

This used to happen to me all the time around age 12/13+ I remember the stares, the looking at my chest, the horrid pervy looks from both Middle Aged men and men in their 60’s / 70’s
Used to give me the right creeps

They are children.

But of course, at least some servants of the patriarchy will be along soon to tell us that the poor men will be afraid even to speak to a 'woman' (or leer at a child) if this kind of attitude becomes the rule. Because how dare those pesky upstart women assert a boundary?

Excepting that it seems ...

Men are going to look at physically mature, attractive "women". Surely they'd have to look to decide that she's too young to be looked at?

one of them has already beaten me to it.

Happens on every one of these kinds of threads, without fail.

Totally get you OP.
I remember the awful discomfort and mortification of being catcalled. I couldn't name it at the time. Double whammy, abused and ashamed for it. How awful.

I do think calling it out is the way forward but it takes a brave and physically un-afraid woman. It's quite a risk, unfortunatley. And we all know this instinctively. Hopefully it will be an legal offence soon.

I am a mouthy mummy and i don’t care who hears me.. walking through the city one day a man stopped and looked my daughter up & down and said your fit love! I shouted “your a fucking pedo piss off she’s only 13”!

Looking back now it could have been dangerous but no one does that to my child!

Yep, both of mine from 9 and 11 respectively. Myself from 10/11 ish. Almost always when going to and from school and in uniform, so the men concerned always know how old they are. Mainly middle-aged men.
Absolutely call them out on it.

YANBU.

I developed early while at Pimary school and experinced this.

With two DDs in teenage years it is something of a worry when I've been with them hard stares have stopped it so far but they are increasingly out and about by themselves.

I found this happened at lot to me aged 14 to 20. Now that I'm 25 people barely bother, which is gross when you think about what it means.

Still get the pestering men on bikes following me though. That's got worse since I got older so makes me think that the gawking men KNOW the girls are too young so 80% won't approach whereas they will to young adults.

I had this a lot as a 12 year old. Guys beeping and hanging out the window, making comments. It made me crippling shy and gave me anxiety to walk down a busy street. Egypt was the worst on hols, a man tried to take me away and wanted my brother to sell me to him and he touched my stomach and said he wanted to give me babies. They are all no better than paedos in my book

Men are going to look at physically mature, attractive "women". Surely they'd have to look to decide that she's too young to be looked at?

FFS. To catcall is inappropriate at best, and abusive at worst, at any age

@DeadlyMedally

Men are going to look at physically mature, attractive "women". Surely they'd have to look to decide that she's too young to be looked at? Shouting at them might help, but you'd probably just end up with a sore throat and men still perving.

Like I said above, they don't look at physically mature women. They look mostly at teenagers.

It happened all the time when my son was around 13 -16 years.I noticed it especially on public transport when my son would stand or sit away from me as it was not cool to be seeing hanging out with mom.He didn't notice it and I often had to intervene by calling him over to me.

Yes please do. It happened to me and now happens to my 13 year old. Its disgusting and they should be ashamed.

I'd just point out it was whilst wearing school uniform which is known locally for 10 -13 year olds. Its sick.

@schnubbins

It happened all the time when my son was around 13 -16 years.I noticed it especially on public transport when my son would stand or sit away from me as it was not cool to be seeing hanging out with mom.He didn't notice it and I often had to intervene by calling him over to me.

Women were harassing him??