To want to shout F off to men perving over my teenage daughter

[Tuesdaysintheazores]

Literally on a walk to the shops, the amount who openly stare and gawp, I'm talking men in their 30s ish and older not teenagers. Gives me the rage

Thanks for all these posts, have read them all, quite horrifying really. It does hit home when it's your own daughter, interesting what pp has said about after the lockdown, maybe it has made things worse. She was wearing leggings as it happens, I wouldn't consider that remotely revealing or a problem and see it as casual wear, but of course young women should be free to wear what they want anyway.

Op, how does your daughter feel about it?
A bit self conscious and uncomfortable

AgnesNaismith sorry to hear that, how weird that must have been for you

It’s absolutely revolting OP, completely unnecessary male entitlement. I remember it happening to me from about the age of 12, and I looked young for my age. Makes my skin crawl.

I nearly started a thread like this last week after thinking exactly the same! My dd is 14 and she doesn't look any older. Has been stared at by men since before high school.

Last week I was picking her up from the bus stop as we were going straight to the shops and I was waiting in the car. These two men, late 30's/early 40's were hanging outside the shops and one in particular was gawping at my dd and one of her friends, who actually looks about 12!! Dd walked past them and he turned to watch her walk away and slowly looked her up and down whilst pulling his sunglasses down to get a proper look She then got into my car and I caught his eye. I held his gaze and gave him that "I saw that, you f@#$in perv" look and he didn't bat an eyelid. Just held eye contact with me for an uncomfortable amount of time and then smirked before finally looking away.

I almost couldn't drive with the rage! The only reason I didn't say anything was because that was a regular pick up spot for my dd.

Reading this, as unsurprised as I am, is depressing as hell.

Likewise imnotprincessbubblegum it's a strange response from mums

I'm so sorry, op, and not surprised at how your daughter feels; thankfully she has a sensible mum.

I remember being 15 and sitting with my friend in a bus stop on the way home from school one day. We started to count the creep looks we were getting from cars and vans driving by. We weren't doing anything 'suggestive', just existing at a bus stop in our school uniforms. How we laughed later, at the old creepy weirdos rubber necking and even shouting things at us, but now I look back its not quite so funny. And they weren't all ur noticeable creeps, they were masquerading as normal, approachable, reliable men.

@Naunet

It’s absolutely revolting OP, completely unnecessary male entitlement. I remember it happening to me from about the age of 12, and I looked young for my age. Makes my skin crawl.

Agreed. I also thought that with the onset of middle age in my 40s, I could leave this crap behind and embrace this lovely invisibility people talk about.

All I can say is bring it on, because it still hasn't happened. I still take shit from men in the street, I've had it on trains as well, and as recently as 3 years ago found myself the target of sexual harassment and stalking in the workplace.

This stuff is getting old - as am I! - and I'm worn down and utterly tired by it. I'm also sick to the back teeth of others - mainly women - objecting to women like me who don't like it and strenuously object to it instead of being reduced to a state of feeling flattered and simpering because some male has deigned to throw me a crumb of his (unwanted) attention.

That whole noise can just fuck off.

Thanks Maggiesfarm

Hairboredom That's the thing isn't it, is how blatant it is, no attempt to tone it down when they can see the girls mum is there even. So disrespectful

This is the time when my usual dislike of swearing would go out of the window.

If anyone was perving at my daughter I'd be telling them in no uncertain terms what I thought of their pathetic and depending on age, borderline or totally paedophilic behaviour. No subtlety like "have I dropped something" - it would be what are you f-ing perverts doing ogling an underage girl?

This never happened to me and I can't understand why men think teenage girls are ok to perv at now. It's disgusting.

I remember at the age of 13 and I had big boobs, I hated them and walked past a group of men and still can hear them saying "cooorrrr don't get many of them to the pound do ya love" while leering. I was 13!!!!!! These men were at least in there 40s. Its disgusting.

Lots of abuse apologists on this thread. So leering at a 19 yr old or an 89 yr old is OK?

There's more ways to perv than paedo.

Happened to me from as young as 11 a lot of times when in uniform I always like to think times have changed but obviously not it’s so depressing.

My point is just that you're going to have to spend a lot of time shouting at a lot of men if you want them to stop "perving"

Yes.

It's been several hundred years now, and the shouting has got us somewhere - rights to earn our own money and prosecute our husbands for raping us, for example. Just the other day we won the right for mothers to be named on marriage certificates.

Men perving at women, as part of a culture of control and objectification, is old. As old as people trafficking, slavery, child rape.... None of it is right and I won't ever stop shouting about any of it.

my 20 year old is tiny due to a chronic illness, and her physical development was delayed and quite late onset. Men really go for her, because she 'looks like a child' and randoms try to pick her up and carry her off when she is out in the evening
I cant believe she has had them say that to her.

This behaviour is beyond disgusting, and shows that no woman or girl, however young, is out of bounds for these sex pests.

I was 11 when I was "chatted up" and asked for a date by a builder working near my home. And I was 12 the first time I was sexually assaulted by a man (I was on the bus, going home from school, wearing school uniform).

I'm 65 now, and it's beyond depressing to realise that things haven't changed since the 1960s. Wtf more can we do to educate men to leave girls, and women, alone, ffs?

worth a listen
open.spotify.com/episode/3A2kMXzXT2wvLiGldXf76i

I wonder if it has always been this way or men have got worse

Sadly I think it’s got better. I had my bottom pinched in Woolworths when I was about 14. That was 53 years ago.

This is so disgusting, these predatory sick men who do not care how old a girl/woman is, they just want to leer/gawp and worse - and feel entitled to do so.

How I wish that plain clothed police had the power to catch these creeps and taze them in public when they witness this. That might be a deterrent, nothing else seems to be.

Definitely starts early. I remember being 12 and in the last year of middle school and it was the mid 90s. We were going to a youth club disco, dressed up (probably not by today's standards!) and minimal to no make up. A police car drove by with two young officers in beeping and cat calling. This has always stayed with me and I was shocked even then. We were children and we looked like children. Seems like nothing has changed much.

I’m in my mid twenties and I got beeped at and wolf whistled and ogled a lot more when I was around 14 (often in school uniform) than now. Our country is full of paedophiles, and it’s a conversation that needs having.

Also to all the posters saying things like “it depends... is she 14 or 19?” Even at 19, this still isn’t okay. At 30 this isn’t okay. Why can’t women to to fucking Asda without having to worry about attracting unwanted attention!?

Can't you just ignore these leering men,and accept that some perverse male's will always act like this, and there isn't much you can do about these kind of unsavoury characters. They are not going to be hauled in by the police, for staring at young girls,or women.

When my daughter was a teenager many years ago, it didn't seem to be much of a problem then. But over the years, the behaviours of some men, has drastically changed,and,gone completely down hill since then.

I think that some men have very screwed up brains,maybe because of porn stuff,and other things that they can view all over the place.

I am just glad, that I don't have to worry about a teenage daughter these days, as she is 40ish now.

@Tuesdaysintheazores

She's 15 I feel like I got away lightly now as it didn't happen when she was 12. 12! I don't think there's even an age when it's okay where there's such an age difference, and what also surprised me was doing it when I'm there as well, just very blatant and entitled. I mean you'd think they'd at least try to pretend they weren't. I wonder if it has always been this way or men have got worse. I think it's different when it's your daughter though as well because you feel protective.

It's always been that way. It's gross.

Some of the replies are so depressing. I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter OP, it's not ok.

Men perving at women, as part of a culture of control and objectification, is old. As old as people trafficking, slavery, child rape.... None of it is right and I won't ever stop shouting about any of it.

Amen. Nor I. And in response to another PP, no, risk assessment permitting, it's not right to just ignore leering men and accept that 'they just do this'. This simply isn't good enough. And as yet another PP points out, some very important battles against the patriarchy have already been won. Silence and capitulation didn't win us any of them.

As to this comment:

I got beeped at and wolf whistled and ogled a lot more when I was around 14 (often in school uniform) than now. Our country is full of paedophiles, and it’s a conversation that needs having.

Yes, it does. Urgently. Sadly it's a subject that is only just beginning to see sunlight, but the light is there. There's now an acknowledgement that it goes on, and that its prevalence is alarming. Admittance that there's a major problem there is the necessary first step. The next step is what's to be done about it.

@skirk64

How old is she? Big difference between men admiring a 19yo and them perving at a 13yo.

13? For some posters on here it began as early as 10.