Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that my DC have never been to a wedding

372 replies

BrittanyKAMA · 06/05/2021 09:58

When I was little, I attended loads of weddings. They were always fun, family affairs. It was nice to meet up with distant relatives and dress up for the day in fancy clothes.

However, since my DC were born 15 years ago, absolutely every wedding we’ve been invited to has been a childless wedding. Obviously it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I just think it’s a shame that what used to be an occasion for families is increasingly considered just an adult event.

We just got an invitation through from DH’s oldest friend who was best man at our wedding. They are having a destination wedding at a ski resort. Not only would this cost us a fortune, but what are we supposed to do with DC for 4 days? And before anybody asks, our DC are very well-behaved, so it’s nothing personal.

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this change?

OP posts:
momtoboys · 07/05/2021 18:35

Surely there has got to be something else for you to feel sad about.

RampantIvy · 07/05/2021 18:37

ehy = why Grin

Feelingbad2 · 07/05/2021 18:38

I hate weddings, I get social anxiety. My kids have only ever been to our wedding! (Small registry office wedding with a pub lunch after)

angela99999 · 07/05/2021 18:40

I can't remember going to any weddings as a child, not really until my cousins and friends started to get married. I don't particularly like children at weddings anyway, they get underfoot and whiney-tired. The obvious exceptions have to be bridesmaids, but even they probably wouldn't want to stay until late.

I don't really think it's sad, they are likely to go to loads later and there are lots of other excuses for family parties which can be held at lunchtime rather than go on all night.

You'd have a much better time without them I'm sure, unless they are unusually naturally well-behaved so you don't need to watch them like a hawk.

RampantIvy · 07/05/2021 18:47

I don't understand the hatred towards children being at weddings. Are brides more narcissitic these days? Surely, a polite request to remove unruly children during the ceremony is all that is required? Can the bridal couple ask the celebrant/vicar to request that the noisy child is removed?

Serin · 07/05/2021 19:08

God I love weddings. We had loads of kids at ours and put on a bouncy castle in the hotel grounds for them and a big crate of board games for the older ones (which went down quite well with the adults too).

lazylinguist · 07/05/2021 19:16

You'd have a much better time without them I'm sure, unless they are unusually naturally well-behaved so you don't need to watch them like a hawk.

I don't think I've ever been to an adult-only wedding. I've never noticed children causing any problems at weddings I've been to. They usually seem to have a nice time.

DaphneduWarrior · 07/05/2021 19:32

I hate weddings. Genuinely find most of them dull and rather depressing (no, I don’t show this or make any negative comments at all!) I also have massive social anxiety, which doesn’t help.

From a purely selfish point of view, I love it when kids are there. I’d always much rather be playing with a child or reading to them than making small talk with adults I don’t know well Smile

Confusedandshaken · 07/05/2021 19:44

I didn't attend a wedding until I was 16 and that was a very low key registry office followed by a party in the couples garden. I didn't attend a 'proper' wedding until my school friends started getting married. I can't say I felt I was missing out. Weddings are often dull for adults let alone children.

TuvoknotSpock · 07/05/2021 19:53

Perhaps the standard of parental discipline has lapsed since we were kids. (Joke)

Why don't you arrange a big family reunion? That would be equally as fun.

I wouldn't go to the ski resort wedding unless the vows took place as the party ski-ed down the slope haha

ludothedog · 07/05/2021 19:55

I don't understand why you would need a nanny at a wedding? The childrens parents are there to look after them????

When DD was very small I just made sure I didn't get drunk, took a bag of snacks and stuff to entertain her with and left early ish before she got too tired. By the time she was at school she knew how to sit at a table for dinner and then she was up dancing with family. I never saw her for most of the night because her dance card was always full.

It is possible to have a good time with your kids and have a good time without getting completely mortal. Just a thought Wink

Pipsquiggle · 07/05/2021 20:07

When I got married, most of my friends who had kids, had young children that couldn't be left and had to watched and tended to. They loved it when they came me to my wedding have a night off and let their hair down - they treated it as a night off.

Exactly the same when I have gone to weddings without my children. I did go to a wedding when my son was around a year old and to be honest, it just wasn't as fun for me and my husband.

littlejlb · 07/05/2021 20:21

When hubby and I got married, most of the children I my family were young, one of whom was a spoilt brat, the focus of any event was about her, birthdays, Christmas etc. We decided our wedding was about him and I, so we had no children at the service, but all were welcome at the reception. We had hired a hall and had buffet food and a band. I think its each ti their own, to be fair.

Lupinhere37 · 07/05/2021 21:10

Op, I think it is a bit sad. My DD had been to exactly 10 weddings by the time she was 15 and loved every single one. She had so much fun getting dressed up (although bridesmaid at two), seeing family and friends, dancing and at 15, sneaking a bit of alcoholGrin
We had over 30 children of mixed ages at our wedding. To be honest, they all made the day for me. One of my best memories is dancing with a pile of little cousins to a load of cheesy pop songs, with them dancing on the end of my dressGrin

AnneElliott · 07/05/2021 21:30

I can see your point op. I loved family weddings as a kid - getting to play with extended cousins.

Luckily DHs family are Catholic and generally all occasions are family ones. DS went to his first wedding at 6 days old.

Although the long services can get boring for kids. We went to a wedding in Spain and DS announced really loudly that 'it was even more boring than our own church' just as the Priest walked past.

notagrownup · 07/05/2021 21:39

I agree with you OP, I was childless at our wedding and didn't think twice about inviting kids - that said it was a very laid back wedding in my village church, short ceremony and then back to the village hall/ massive tipi with music and constant food so no sit down dinner. Perhaps that's where the difference lies in not wanting to pay £70 a head for kids to eat? Two of my close friends have been married since and both had child free weddings, like you I was sad for my DC as have great memories of weddings as a child. But they were more formal than mine so perhaps it made sense!

Auntycorruption · 07/05/2021 21:46

I agree. My first child went to loads of weddings as a tiny baby but then nothing for the last 5 years or so. My second child has never been to one which is a shame as she'd absolutely love it! Big on the white dress, dancing etc.

kennycat · 07/05/2021 21:48

I’d never been to a wedding until I was an adult. I think I was probably 24/25. I turned out pretty normal and unscarred by not going to a wedding as a child. Your children will be absolutely fine. Don’t worry!!

SockQueen · 07/05/2021 21:51

I went to two weddings as a

waitingpatientlyforspring · 07/05/2021 22:00

I only remember one wedding as a chid and I wasn't at the wedding only the disco. I remember being gutted my new aunty had changed out of her wedding dress and was in jeans.

My two have been to two weddings, one they won't remember as very young.

I prefer to attend weddings without my children and if I'm honest I prefer them without other peoples children too.

SunshineCake · 07/05/2021 22:03

Dh and I have been to a few family weddings and all invited the dc except two. We didn't go to one as all our childcare was at the wedding and the other was on a school day so we didn't go to that either. The weddings were lovely. All the children played together, one laid on entertainment for the kids while the adults had the disco. Was great. There is probably only going to be one more family wedding and I will be sad if we aren't all invited. I agree with you, @BrittanyKAMA.

rachelgreensroom · 07/05/2021 22:09

In my experience most people enjoy a child-free day out at a wedding and make the most of it! Weddings are really boring for children and it's totally understandable that a couple getting married don't want to worry about catering and entertainment for children, or any sort or interruption (I went to a wedding where a toddler screamed through the speeches).
It is unreasonable for people to expect you to go to a destination wedding without your children - like you say, what are you supposed to do with them? Unless they're happy for families with children not to attend.

StoneofDestiny · 07/05/2021 22:13

Never been to a wedding til I was in my 20's. Can't say I felt I'd missed out on anything.
Been to 1 wedding with kids in the years following and all they did was run around the place followed by their parents - seemed pointless to all concerned (and distracting to everybody else)

StoneofDestiny · 07/05/2021 22:14

...........All other wedding where child free and much better

gillys · 07/05/2021 22:15

I think weddings should be for whole families. I have a large family & went to lots of weddings as a child. I think kids can find the service boring, so maybe 1 parent could take them outside but the reception is a big party for everyone to have fun.

Swipe left for the next trending thread