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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that my DC have never been to a wedding

372 replies

BrittanyKAMA · 06/05/2021 09:58

When I was little, I attended loads of weddings. They were always fun, family affairs. It was nice to meet up with distant relatives and dress up for the day in fancy clothes.

However, since my DC were born 15 years ago, absolutely every wedding we’ve been invited to has been a childless wedding. Obviously it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I just think it’s a shame that what used to be an occasion for families is increasingly considered just an adult event.

We just got an invitation through from DH’s oldest friend who was best man at our wedding. They are having a destination wedding at a ski resort. Not only would this cost us a fortune, but what are we supposed to do with DC for 4 days? And before anybody asks, our DC are very well-behaved, so it’s nothing personal.

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this change?

OP posts:
Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan · 06/05/2021 16:03

[quote fiheka]@Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan you hired a nanny for your wedding, so someone was helping to keep the kids entertained.[/quote]
No I didn't at what point did I say that 🤣

motherloaded · 06/05/2021 16:04

[quote fiheka]@motherloaded It sounds like your family have very informal weddings anyway. Many weddings these days are far more formal.[/quote]
I don't think so, on the contrary it's a lot more casual when children mix and stay with adults

My kids eldest cousins are 25 years old, the current youngest is 3 months old, if you add friends and 2nd cousins etc..., there has never been a year without a wedding (apart from the last year...).

fiheka · 06/05/2021 16:04

@Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan sorry I must have got you mixed up with someone else who did. You had the kids disco?

Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan · 06/05/2021 16:05

Yes

fiheka · 06/05/2021 16:06

So you put on very specific entertainment for the kids. Most weddings do not do this.

Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan · 06/05/2021 16:16

Yes that's what I was saying when replied about behaviour etc

fiheka · 06/05/2021 16:20

@Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan yes you are right, if you put on lots of specific entertainment for kids, they will be happy.
Not the kind of event I would want though. Sounds more like a family event where the enjoyment for the adults is the kids being entertained and giving them a break.

jay55 · 06/05/2021 16:21

When I was under 6(when we moved away) we went to loads of weddings, all my parents church friends. They were all relatively casual affairs with the reception in the church hall, catered by a lady from church's company.
I have fond memories of them. Don't remember being bored, remember being upset I couldn't eat the cake(allergies). Everyone pitched in to move the tables and chairs to create a dance floor after the buffet.
Weddings are probably too expensive now, too much per head, too formal.

Figgyboa · 06/05/2021 16:26

I never went to a wedding as a kid, can't say it's something I feel I missed out on.

RampantIvy · 06/05/2021 16:27

[quote BrittanyKAMA]@fiheka I hardly knew ANY of the people at my wedding. We got married in DH’s home country because the PIL couldn’t be arsed to come over as they had already been over to our country for an exhibition a year previously Hmm. They’ve always hated me, so it felt like a snub. But I felt sorry for DH so agreed to get married there.

Also my family couldn’t afford to travel, so none of them were there.

I felt so lonely on my wedding day Sad.[/quote]
That's so sad. Why did your husband's family trump your own family?

wonderstuff · 06/05/2021 16:56

The only awful behaviour I've witnessed at weddings was between drunk adults!

There were a handful of kids at our wedding, reception at a village hall, there was a lovely field with a small playground in it, we've got gorgeous photos of little ones in their finery running off and playing on the swings!

Went to a couple of lovely weddings where there was lots of grounds and oversized jenga and chess and other games were hired.

I've lovely memories of dancing with my kids at weddings.

Went to one posh do where a nanny was hired for the ceremony to look after children who then joined in with the meal and dancing, that was very civilised!

Also had the longest wedding ceremony ever with my two year old who was a flower girl, the bride and mother told me to relax, just let her play, but you can't can you, very stressful, but the photos were gorgeous!

fiheka · 06/05/2021 16:59

@wonderstuff unless they are horrors, no one cares about a handful of kids at weddings. People do care about 30 kids.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/05/2021 17:29

Motherloaded it sounds like you have a very large family where socialising with extended family is the norm. That's not the case in much of the UK. I have tons of second cousins but have only met one of them more than once. The age range between cousins in both my family and my DHs is around 12 years. There were no weddings at all in my family between my uncles when I was around 7, and my sisters when I was in my twenties. DH family was the same. This has been the norm among friends too. Only one couple have had a child before getting married, there haven't been any divorces or second marriages yet, so we aren't expecting any weddings at all in the next 10 years or so.

ilovebagpuss · 06/05/2021 17:35

I love kids at weddings and YANBU as my 2 have never been to one and would love to be bridesmaids. All of our friends got married pre kids and now the relatives left don’t seem to be bothered so it’s not looking good.
The only bit I don’t like is if the vows are ruined by wailing. But at the reception I loved having children at mine we had a Ceilidh and the little ones were dancing with everyone.
Family parties in general seem to have died a death the old style disco and buffet gems which children love.

eggandonion · 06/05/2021 17:54

About 15 years ago a lot of dhs colleagues got married. One was just after Christmas, Santa made a special appearance. Another had kids...my kids weren't invited but lots of young relatives of the bride and groom. They were local, so not a massive problem.
The third would have involved an overnight stay, which would have been impossible really. Then, reading the invitation, we discovered that I wasn't invited, just dh. He declined!

ludothedog · 06/05/2021 18:09

Dd loves a good wedding. She's always first up on the dance floor and last to leave it. I remember being the same as a kid. Many kids love a good wedding and are well behaved.

Scarby9 · 06/05/2021 18:17

I don't think you need to be sad for your children, OP - they won't miss what they never had.
Having said that, I have happy memories of weddings I attended as a child, particularly those of Scottish relatives, which were all evening Ceilidhs so everyone could join in all the dancing, including us.
We were used to sitting quiet and behaving in church and at the meal, however. No magicians and entertainers for us. Again, as we never experienced entertainment laid on for us, we never missed it.

eggandonion · 06/05/2021 18:19

I'm still recovering from a Scottish fiftieth I was at a decade ago.

RampantIvy · 06/05/2021 18:20

The last wedding I went to was 11 years ago. I have a small family, and all the friends I have were already married when I met them. At the age of 62 I have been to less than 15 weddings in total, and about 4 evening dos.

I'm amazed at the number of weddings so many mumsnetters get invited to.

Pottedpalm · 06/05/2021 18:22

Nothing new about a wedding without children; we had no children at ours over four decades ago. ( Although DH’s aunt and uncle brought their child anyway, dressed as a page boy 😏)
My DC only went to one wedding before their friends started to get married.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 18:25

I had my first real kiss at a wedding. I was 15. The man was 30.

fiheka · 06/05/2021 18:31

@Scarby9 yes I too was used to sitting in church as a young child. There was no junior church then. Some kids did misbehave, but my mum would have been mortified if we had.

@ilovebagpuss if you want a family party, then organise one? Most people will come to something they do not have to organise.

tentosix · 06/05/2021 19:14

There are tons of other activities for families which include children. A lot of couples don't get married or have small weddings. It's not a big deal. I can only remember my cousins wedding.

crosstalk · 06/05/2021 19:56

In the 50s/60s/70s most people didn't have grand weddings. Many lived and worked in places their family came from, parents paid and invited their friends. Not so much any more. My DS is getting married and most of the people are his and bride's friends, they're paying and while it's low-key kids are off the list unless babies. V rural so not easy to provide nannies or make sure the kids are safe.

WTF0ver · 06/05/2021 20:10

Coming from a tiny family I missed out on attending weddings as a kid apart from the wedding of one friend of the family whose daughter was getting married. The wedding was held in the grounds of the family home and I quite enjoyed wandering round their duck pond and exploring their garden. But apart from that it was boring (no dance floor to slide around on!), no other kids apart from my DB, I hated the frilly yellow outfit I was forced into and I threw up after having the dinner.

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