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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that my DC have never been to a wedding

372 replies

BrittanyKAMA · 06/05/2021 09:58

When I was little, I attended loads of weddings. They were always fun, family affairs. It was nice to meet up with distant relatives and dress up for the day in fancy clothes.

However, since my DC were born 15 years ago, absolutely every wedding we’ve been invited to has been a childless wedding. Obviously it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I just think it’s a shame that what used to be an occasion for families is increasingly considered just an adult event.

We just got an invitation through from DH’s oldest friend who was best man at our wedding. They are having a destination wedding at a ski resort. Not only would this cost us a fortune, but what are we supposed to do with DC for 4 days? And before anybody asks, our DC are very well-behaved, so it’s nothing personal.

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this change?

OP posts:

shivawn · 06/05/2021 20:29

Generally around here children get invited if they're close family of the bride and groom. Our children probably won't go to any weddings until they're older because all our brothers and sisters are already married and we're just expecting now! We had 17 kids at our wedding - all nieces and nephews!

usernotfound0000 · 06/05/2021 20:30

25 before I attended my first wedding, I don't feel that I've been affected by this!

iolaus · 06/05/2021 21:09

I think often it purely depends on where the children are in relation to the family

So my children were invited to weddings for 'first degree' relatives (so their aunt, uncle and grandfather) but not to my cousin's(wasn't a childfree wedding but only a few kids who they were very close to)or to weddings of our friends who don't have relationships with the kids themselves

However they ended up with three weddings in a year and none before or since - just because there isnt really any close family members of an age to get married

InsanityOf2020 · 07/05/2021 17:36

I'm 47 and I have never been to a wedding. Even my siblings that got married one didnt invite me the other made it impossible for me to attend. I have had friends that have got married but never been invited. I dont know if I exude anti wedding but i am all a bit meh about them now. Even dont think i will ever have one for myself

I hope your DC's get an opportunity at some point in their lives but I dont think it will affect them significantly, times are different now

Mumofferalkids · 07/05/2021 17:42

I never went to a wedding as a child, my kids have only been to my siblings, I see it as a great excuse to get out of weddings as have no childcare.
I also work in events and most weddings only have a handful of children who are immediate family, probably because the costs are extortionate, those with more tend to be the “cheaper” end, so people with garden or big community centre receptions with buffets where numbers don’t make a difference to cost.

Mumofferalkids · 07/05/2021 17:45

@notacooldad

I never went to a wedding until I was well into adulthood. I seriously don't feel deprived. I don't particularly like going to any now!! I find them long winded and get bored after a while. I think being sad for your kids is a bit odd!

This is how I feel about them, which is why I’m glad “no children” gives me an out on childcare terms most of the time

nwg117 · 07/05/2021 17:47

I get it- yes it is sad- the laughter sense of belonging- shared experience - and dressing up...there is also the chance to say; here is my family , you love them and are proud of them and have worked hard to create and nurture them and plop them into your extended family or long term family friends gives you a warm happy feeling...
...yes it is sad- but it seems to be what is in fashion coupled with the expense of it all nowadays....years ago to have the next generation gurgling or babbling away or skipping about made everyone happy for the future of their 'tribe'. So maybe it is expense fashion and selfishness and it has become the 'norm'.
Make some big (when you can) well planned family shindigs at your home -it is not the same I know but the spirit and intention will hearten you.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/05/2021 17:50

I think wedding's have changed from a nice family event for everyone to enjoy t some kind of opportntiy for two people to act like narcissists for a day. I wouldn't go to a destination wedding unless it was a very close family member or friend.

Pipsquiggle · 07/05/2021 17:50

I used to go to weddings as a child but usually as an evening guest or sometimes, we'd go to the wedding - go out for lunch (not the reception), then go to the evening do. Only went to the whole day to close relatives.

I had a no child wedding, apart from our niece who was 2 at the time. Weddings are expensive and we could only invite a certain number of people. I would rather invite good friends over someone's baby / child who I rarely see.

Powaqa · 07/05/2021 17:51

I have only been to 3 weddings in my life and one of them was my own. My own wedding was child free but that was mainly because my brother's children were so badly behaved that I didn't want them there and didn't feel I could have other children there if they weren't invited. We ended up with 100 guests and totally child free.

ouchyouchyow · 07/05/2021 17:51

I went to loads of weddings as a kid. Probably would never have met half the old aunties uncles and second cousins twice removed if there weren't big family gatherings

Pinkbunny2811 · 07/05/2021 17:52

You can come to my wedding and bring your little ones next year.

It's fine to feel sad about it. I love weddings, ever since I was a kid.

EveningOverRooftops · 07/05/2021 17:53

I have kids. Love kid free wedding. I’ve actually joked to others that I’m not ever planning on marrying until DC is 16+so I can legit have a child free wedding

DC went to one wedding it was a stressful nightmare. Fair play to every couple having the balls to ban kids.

Drinkingallthewine · 07/05/2021 17:59

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Not a shame at all.

Weddings are SO boring for kids. And far more fun for adults when you can kick back and not have to keep an eye on little ones.

Our wedding will have a short ceremony to avert boredom, a bouncy castle to throw them all into, glamping for the younger adults/older teens where they can have a party that suits their own age group, and babysitters lined up in each of the houses so when bedtime arrives they are looked after while their parents can let their hair down and have a few drinks.

And we'll probably end up on the bouncy castle ourselves before too long.

impossible · 07/05/2021 17:59

I know what you mean about the joys of relaxed family parties, catching up with distant relatives.
We hold extended family gatherings a couple of times a year (pre-covid) and will be doing so again next month. Any excuse will do - big birthdays, summer picnics etc. Summer works best as you can meet outdoors, set up a gazebo, everyone chip in with food and dcs can run around. Those traveling a long way find b&bs.
Perhaps you should find an excuse to organise your own - your anniversary perhaps or post lockdown celebration. (It's also nice to catch up with old friends and extended family outside of weddings and funerals..)

Milesbennettdyson · 07/05/2021 17:59

I think it’s because how badly Children’s behaviour has deteriorated since the 90’s.

Now I know individuals (including myself!) do not let their kids play up but that’s the general perception.

I myself had a child free wedding. I didn’t have children myself so I didn’t want someone else’s kids there spoiling it.

Sleepyquest · 07/05/2021 18:01

The first wedding I went to was my own lol so you are being silly

Milesbennettdyson · 07/05/2021 18:02

Also as others have pointed out they did used to be a family affair and traditionally the bride’s parents paid, they were much smaller my mum says having an evening do is even a relatively recent thing.

Retired65 · 07/05/2021 18:10

I haven't been to that many weddings. I was 21 before I went to my first one as bridesmaid to my sister. On the same day, in the afternoon I went to a friend's wedding.

Ladynada39 · 07/05/2021 18:19

First world problem...

Mummyyyyyyyyyy · 07/05/2021 18:20

I've been to weddings that invited family members' children but not friends' children. I guess that's probably a good compromise especially if the budget is tight.

I think that it's a shame that many weddings have become less of a family celebration of a marriage and more of an expensive extravaganza.

Sillysandy · 07/05/2021 18:22

I can't stand children at weddings. Luckily they've only been at two I've gone to out of probably thirty.

busymomtoone · 07/05/2021 18:23

Completely understand your feelings- I have such fond memories of attending weddings as a child - they seemed magical and it was so exciting dancing with everyone and feeling “ grown up”. I suppose weddings are niw so horrifically expensive, and so much about the Instagram photos that lots of people don’t want to risk tiny people “ spoiling “ them. I get it, but still a shame.

Slippy78 · 07/05/2021 18:24

Meh, my first wedding was at 42. I never felt as if I'd missed out.

RampantIvy · 07/05/2021 18:35

I don't understand ehy so many mumsnetters hate weddings. I love a wedding. My niece has proposed to her partner. I would love to get an invitation to their wedding.

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