To ask if you personally judge people who dress alternatively?

[getyourfreakon]

As per the thread title.
Yes, Coronation Street has highlighted the issue. I'm what would be referred to as a "goth". I'm also a mother of one.
What are your feelings on the subject?

I love to see people doing their own thing, in our social media obsessed lives I feel so many people look the same. Bring me joy to see someone being creative/expressing themselves

You can really like clothes and wear them at home though.

That's a really weird thing to do. Buy clothes that you like but then hide them in your house like a dirty secret? So weird.

That's a really weird thing to do. Buy clothes that you like but then hide them in your house like a dirty secret? So weird

Why is it hiding them not to wear them outdoors? Don’t we wear clothes for ourselves not to see public reaction? I wear my waterfall robe, slippers and velour joggers because I like the feel and colour of them, and the textures against my skin. It doesn’t mean they’re appropriate to go out in. Or suitable for the climate, occasion or work/social environment I’m entering.

How many of us have cosy fleecy pyjamas or old supersoft jumpers with holes, or a beautiful silk lingerie wrap we wear for ourselves?
Does it become a ‘dirty secret’ if we only wear it indoors? Should we wear it to work or the supermarket just because we love it?

I have ski wear I love, in colours and jazzy patterns that don’t look out of place in a ski resort. Maybe I should start wearing my colourful padded ski socks with formal summer dresses to prove a point?

I could wear my down ski jacket to the beach in summer as I love it so much? Or... I could choose appropriate work socks and appropriate beachwear instead. I wouldn’t get as much attention but why would I want people looking at me suspiciously? I don’t understand the wish to look ‘alternative’.

I once worked with a doctor, a female geriatric consultant in her late 40s, who wore BDSM type corsets, fishnets and short leather minis to work, along with massive platform shoes and on occasion sunglasses indoors! I guess she’d reached the top of her profession and felt she could dress as she liked. It didn’t stop people gossiping about her constantly or the patients laughing at her behind her back. It was a very ‘alternative’ look for a hospital doctor (and impractical given the clinical roles she had) and I suspect she only got away with it because the hospital was in an undesirable area that struggled to retain staff let alone consultants.

I can understand wearing loungwear indoors rather than it and about, as that's what it's designed for. But you were suggesting that clothes designed to be worn outside of the home, should only be worn outside of the home if they happen to match the clothes that other people are wearing outside of the home, and should instead be kept as a private thing. Which is odd.

I'm clearly not suggesting wearing pyjamas down the supermarket, or BDSM at the office, or a bikini in a snowstorm. Just every day clothes in an alternative style worn every day without hiding them from the general public.

If you wanted to wear colourful ski socks with a summer dress I don't see the problem. It wouldn't affect anyone else, and if it made you happy then all power to you.

Why should people have to wear "normal" clothes in public and keep the alternative stuff hidden away at home?

@Waxonwaxoff0

Tragic as it is, the Sophie Lancaster murder happened over a decade ago. Attitudes have shifted a lot lately and people are less judgemental, it's cool to be "different" these days.

Replies on this thread would suggest otherwise.

I admire people who wear things that I wouldn't together if it makes the comfortable. If you want to wear ski legwarmers with summer dresses go for it! That'd be so kawaii!

Kawaii - ha,ha - I only know what this is because I surf different News channels; it is, ahem, rather compelling viewing.

Summer dresses with ski pants could be Kawaii (but only if you make a miniature version, preferably edible) but also great for hiding hairy legs, cellulite, knobbly knees and very handy if it's a bit windy and/or chilly too .

I judge - but only in a “I wish I had that kind of confidence” way.

It's threads like this that remind me how strange other people are. And how strange people find me.

Tragic as it is, the Sophie Lancaster murder happened over a decade ago. Attitudes have shifted a lot lately and people are less judgemental.

I don't buy that in the least.

The Sophie Lancaster murder did happen a long time ago, but in some areas people have not changed their attitudes and that's not okay. Particularly around Liverpool and it's surrounding areas, in my experience. There's very much a status quo established here and it does not include those who dress what would be considered alternatively. The police are too overstretched to deal with the majority of the crime here (yob rule) and hate crimes have long been disregarded.
I totally understand the PP who described dressing this way not for the attention. I'm exactly the same. People will look, fair enough. But that's not the aim. Deflection as opposed to attention grabbing. Me too.
The thing that gets me really is that I'm always ready with a smile (hard with masks now of course), but I'm as friendly as anyone else given half a chance.
It does annoy me that I have to "win people over" sometimes because their judgement is paramount. But I persevere being polite and friendly and I earn their respect every time eventually.

you were suggesting that clothes designed to be worn outside of the home, should only be worn outside of the home if they happen to match the clothes that other people are wearing outside of the home, and should instead be kept as a private thing

I said nothing about ‘matching’ the clothing of other people outdoors. Clothes are available in such a broad range of styles, colours and designs nowadays it’s easy to find your own style, that is unique yet still socially appropriate and doesn’t attract suspicious looks.

I think you’d actually have to try harder to stand out from the crowd to blend in, which suggests an unhealthy preoccupation with clothing and image if you’re striving to look ‘alternative’ enough to stand out.

I could wear my brightly coloured velour joggers outside, or my patterned silk harem pants; they are marketed neither as loungewear nor outdoor wear. But I choose not to, because jeggings or jeans or leggings in a dark colour are just as practical (if not more practical) and just as comfortable for the school run and my commute to work, at least in this climate.

I also think clashing prints and colours and styles in an uncoordinated way looks a bit like someone got dressed in a hurry without a mirror. What they think is alternative can end up looking sloppy and clownish, especially at work.

PS fishnet is actually really comfy as warm underwear under trousers and shirts - looks good when seen and adds warmth without bulk.

@BeneathYourWisdom Why would you spend money on clothing you like abs feel good in...then not wear it outside?!

You have a weird idea of what alt clothing is. I wear alt/goth clothes to work. They are not weather inappropriate because I don’t want to boil/freeze. They are also not revealing.
But if someone wants to wear ski socks to work...why not? Or a coat to the beach? It’s not hurting you.

Also, FYI, people laughing/gossiping about her is a problem with them and their lack of manners, not her.

This is the kind of thing I wear to work. Perfectly professional and appropriate

@BeneathYourWisdom ‘suspicious looks’? What does that mean??

This past week I've had some absolutely dreadful customer experience. Really awful. It was the kind of situation where you get passed from pillar to post - with everyone trying to sidestep their own responsibility. It was almost as if they went out of their way to be as obstructive and unhelpful as possible. By the end of the week, I felt exhausted, pissed off, upset, and very very stressed. Do I give a shit what the person supposed to be helping me and dealing with my enquiry looks like? That would be a resounding no. A professional attitude is all that I need.

I love the look @OwlBeThere
It's looks fantastic!

@getyourfreakon

The Sophie Lancaster murder did happen a long time ago, but in some areas people have not changed their attitudes and that's not okay. Particularly around Liverpool and it's surrounding areas, in my experience. There's very much a status quo established here and it does not include those who dress what would be considered alternatively. The police are too overstretched to deal with the majority of the crime here (yob rule) and hate crimes have long been disregarded. I totally understand the PP who described dressing this way not for the attention. I'm exactly the same. People will look, fair enough. But that's not the aim. Deflection as opposed to attention grabbing. Me too. The thing that gets me really is that I'm always ready with a smile (hard with masks now of course), but I'm as friendly as anyone else given half a chance. It does annoy me that I have to "win people over" sometimes because their judgement is paramount. But I persevere being polite and friendly and I earn their respect every time eventually.

Sad to hear little has changed in Liverpool. The couple I mentioned upthread who were pelted with flour, that happened in Liverpool.

@Tealightsandd I mean, they look a damn site better than me, but that’s because I’m perpetually harassed looking
I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad week. It is a good point though. What matters most in a job, the colour of my hair or my ability to teach a child with disordered speech to express themselves so they can be understood therefore reducing their anxiety, frustration and unhappiness?
Does it matter if my boots are big ‘clodhopping things’ (as my mother calls them ) if I manage to solve the issue you’ve been trying to fix all week?
Does it matter more if my child has two tone hair, or if they are the kid who talks an autistic classmate down in full meltdown instead of laughing and taking the piss?

There are so many more important qualities to a person than their chosen clothing, so why does anyone care?

BeneathYourWisdom Why would you spend money on clothing you like abs feel good in...then not wear it outside?! You have a weird idea of what alt clothing is. I wear alt/goth clothes to work. They are not weather inappropriate because I don’t want to boil/freeze. They are also not revealing.
But if someone wants to wear ski socks to work...why not? Or a coat to the beach? It’s not hurting you

The photos you posted look fairly mainstream to me. Apart from the spikes on the jacket shoulders; I’m guessing it’s a throwback punk/goth fashion? Or they deter pigeons from landing on you?

Heavy smoky eye make and dark lipstick has always been a fashion amongst some teenagers. I’ve rarely seen it on anyone past the age of 25 but I guess if you dressed that way at college you might still dress that way if that’s what you’re used to. Likewise fishnets and leather obi belts, fairly common amongst younger generations and wouldn’t raise an eyebrow.

If I wore long jazzy padded ski socks to work with a summer dress, trust me I’d be laughed at and probably called aside by my manager to ask if I’m ok.

I buy clothes because I enjoy wearing them, even if nobody sees them apart from family. It’s less about image, more about dressing to please myself.

But yes I have different house clothes, work clothes and clothes for various social events.

There are so many more important qualities to a person than their chosen clothing, so why does anyone care?

I guess because first impressions count?

Nobody knows your other qualities in the first 5-10 minutes of meeting you. Unfortunately people judge clothing choice along with things like whether you look groomed/clean. As a species we’re hard wired to be suspicious of differences or things that don’t fit the social mould, flexible as that mould has become.

A heavy jacket or bulky coat on a hot day and I’m afraid my first thought is ‘are they concealing a weapon?’

Spikes also make me wary. Firstly because what if someone tripped and fell on the spikes and secondly why has the wearer effectively wrapped themself in barbed wire?

Spikes also make me wary. Firstly because what if someone tripped and fell on the spikes and secondly why has the wearer effectively wrapped themself in barbed wire?

Keeps the pigeons away.

But my entire point was that what you seem to consider ‘alt’ clothing...isn’t. Gothic work wear is as smart as anything else. My look outside of work is a bit more with chains and make up etc etc.

Honestly in our day to day lives how someone dresses wouldn't bother me. But as an employee running a small business in the healthcare sector, honestly I would judge. Sorry.
Our practice policies state that ratios must be hidden or covered, and that anything but one small piercing in the ear must be removed for health and safety reasons. Hair tied up and make up to a minimum. We wear uniforms in work so clothes not a problem.
However if someone turned up to an interview I would be wary about employing them. I would feel it very awkward to ask in an interview something along the lines of "our dress code states such and such... are you happy with that? "

When I see young people dressed alternatively I think it's a normal developmental phase.

When I see older people dressed alternatively, aside from people who are arty/design-y I do tend to wonder about their mental health (though that obviously depends a lot on the extremity of their alternative dress). Its just that very very alternative dressers, when past twenties for example, in my experience have had mh issues.

Mid-thirties goth here. Tried dressing 'fashionably' in my late 20s, but have been dressed all in black since I was 11. My niece is 13 and has just embraced the dark side too - she'll be wearing fishnets and a black dress to my wedding later this year and I couldn't be happier/prouder.

I've always, especially in my youth, have worn a lot of black, now at almost 55 I still do.. not because I'm a Goth or Alternative or any other name people come up with....
It's because it's my comfort zone, I have biggish boobs and tummy, but a small bum and legs, it is, I guess, it's a hiding mechanism, I don't like showing off my boobs, but black clothing, It makes me feel good about myself, if that makes sense

I now work in primary, so have branched out to navy, a dark khaki green and chocolate brown. Dark colours again but I'm comfortable.

No judgement here either. Live n let live.
And to be fair I'm too old to be worrying about what people think.
(Apart from the boobs )