To ask if you personally judge people who dress alternatively?

[getyourfreakon]

As per the thread title.
Yes, Coronation Street has highlighted the issue. I'm what would be referred to as a "goth". I'm also a mother of one.
What are your feelings on the subject?

I don’t understand anyone picking this made-up culture over their family.
It is an alternative style not a cult, no need to leave the family home.

Of course everyone judges in some way by how they present themselves. It's how we decide how to respond to people, whether we want to be a friend, whether we want to avoid or whether we want to dismiss them as not especially relevant to us. It is situation and context dependent as to how you perceive them.

@Yellownotblue

I think you may be getting a lot of unhelpful posts here.

The reality is that there are very few (no) goths in many walks of life. So I’d be surprised to see a goth doctor, goth lawyer, goth accountant. I’ve never come across a goth parent at private schools ( DCs so far rack up 5 between themselves). Goth isn’t mainstream. It will put some people off. Particularly, perhaps, parents of other ethic or religious backgrounds.

I don’t really understand goth, so to me it looks like a flight of fancy. I don’t understand anyone picking this made-up culture over their family. This would signal very weak family bonds - then I would judge that.

Funny how I have a fantastic relationship with DD, my mum is my best friend and I'm very close to my sisters then

You might need to elaborate what you were getting at because it sounds ridiculous.

The goth (I'm assuming, going by her blue hair, and the style of her numerous tattoos and make-up) midwife who helped during labour with my youngest was fantastic, I don't believe I'm a one-off either due to the compliments she gets from numerous parents over the hospital's social media. One of the more "mainstream" (for want of a better word) looking midwives who assisted when I had my first was horrible, quite literally looked down her nose at me during active labour.

I'm not a goth now (definitely was when I was a kid and teen), still dress "alternatively" I guess, and the only member of my family with whom I've had a bad relationship and cut contact is my abusive father. 🤷‍♀️

@lottiegarbanzo

I think you're confusing 'being noticed' (and possibly judged) with 'getting attention' *@OwlBeThere*

You will be noticed (and possibly judged) by many, many people, whose response is to pay you no attention.

I've read what you've said and tried to get the bottom of your insistence that you don't dress the way you do in order to be noticed. It comes full circle back to your own insistence that you do dress that way to be noticed - in order to control people's response to you. You dress in a, very noticeable, 'leave me alone' costume.

You seem to not be grasping that I don’t do it in order to be noticed, but because if I am noticed it’s because of bright green hair or whatever. I was always noticed regardless of what I wore, then when I developed the style I have now I was noticed less and in a different way. With all due respect, my insistence that it’s not to be noticed is because that IS the reason. It might not make sense to you, but it doesn’t have to, it makes sense to me and helps me. I wear clothes that make me feel good. I wear clothes that I like the look of. And the added bonus is any attention I do draw is not creepy and sexual, 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Waxonwaxoff0

Tragic as it is, the Sophie Lancaster murder happened over a decade ago. Attitudes have shifted a lot lately and people are less judgemental, it's cool to be "different" these days.

Try telling that to the children at my daughters school who have basically labelled her a self harmer because she dresses a certain way. It’s very much still a problem.

@MasterBeth

I would judge anyone dressing as a goth in 2021 to be hugely unimaginative.

@MasterBeth why? It’s not any more or less unimaginative than dressing in any other way is it?

@MasterBeth

I would judge anyone dressing as a goth in 2021 to be hugely unimaginative.

What a daft thing to say 🤣

I judge people dressed alternatively.
I judge them to be awesome.

Quite often people dressing ‘alternatively’ are just wearing the uniform of all others who dress that alternative way. It’s rarely original. Which is fine, but it’s the exact same as people wearing any trend.

No I feel slightly envious as they always look really put together, I mean you can’t just chuck a jumper and jeans together for those looks. I dress quite boringly now, partly due to a change of career, not that I was ever “alternative “

I love to see people of any age wearing the style they love.
You don't have a personalty transplant at 50, my neighbour has a carer, she pulls up on her motorbike in leather with fringe, boots, black and blue hair, she's in her 60's she looks great and is a great person too.
Similarly with any style I don't think there is an age limit.
I'm probably biased sitting in my pink flowery running leggings at 40.

But how can you possibly know how many people notice (and possibly judge) you @OwlBeThere ? How do you read the minds of passers by? You're talking about people responding to you, paying you attention, or not. Those are actions. Noticing and judging are thoughts.

You keep talking about your motivation. But that's invisible and irrelevant to others' observation and judgement of you. Strangers cannot read your mind. They only know what they see. They form their own opinions about that.

I completely understand that you don't want attention and that you've found a form of self-presentation that serves to moderate other people's responses to you, reducing unwanted types of attention. That's great.

But everything you've written has been about manging people's responses towards you, their actions, by presenting them with things to notice about you, that you deem acceptable things for them to notice.

Through your actions you have successfully moderated other peoples' actions.

People's thoughts though, are their own. For all you know, far more people notice you and form opinions about you, than they would if you dressed more blandly. They just don't tell you.

It comes back to the adage that other people's opinions of you are none of your business. (And the obverse of that; your opinions and motivations are no business, or particular interest, of other people).

Which is why OP had to ask people whether they judge. She cannot tell from the actions of the vast majority of people, who've never interacted with her, and she cannot read minds.

You seem to not be grasping that I don’t do it in order to be noticed, but because if I am noticed it’s because of bright green hair or whatever. I was always noticed regardless of what I wore, then when I developed the style I have now I was noticed less and in a different way.

It makes sense to me fwiw.

I used to get a lot of comments about how short I was (still am ) which I was uncomfortable with, but wearing unusual clothes meant that the kind of people who would feel the urge to comment on someone else's appearance would be more likely to comment on my hair or clothes than my height.

I got attention both ways, but one was on my terms.

I didn't, as a full on corsets and lace type goth, draw less attention. But I can see how other less, erm confrontational, alternative styles would allow you to actually draw less attention.

I know my baggy jeans and hoodie wearing friends drew less looks despite their multicoloured hair. But, like me, the comments they did get when they were noticed were on their terms.

No - I notice and be surprised if you were a professional or worked in a corporate environment, because it would be very unusual. But I wouldn’t be bothered, or think twice if I saw you in a shop etc.

I absolutely get that dressing differently is a way to hide. You're very nicely hidden if all anyone notices about you is your clothes.

I think everyone judges others on some level but that doesn't have to be negative. I wouldn't treat anyone differently due to how they dress though.

I have a very good friend who dresses 'alternatively'.In the 90's when we met there was a pub in our town where goths and alternative people would gather.
Every time I went there with her I received so much hostility, I was labelled as The Trendy, often wouldn't get served at the bar, they'd openly ask my friend why she wanted to hang round with me. The ones who bothered to get to know me were surprised when they learned that I liked some of the same music as them.

I only judge adults who wear Disney themed clothing.

I absolutely get that dressing differently is a way to hide. You're very nicely hidden if all anyone notices about you is your clothes.

I completely agree, as I said upthread, it's like wearing armour.

People notice. It's done to ensure that the armour is what they notice. The right sort of armour will reduce and deflect certain types of attention. It's clever tactic.

People will notice what you want them to notice. What you've put effort into presenting for them to notice.

They may or may not then pay you attention (an action), as a result of having noticed you (a mental act).

It makes me thing of many performers, who are socially quite shy. They have 'the act' , which can develop into a persona, as a kind of armour. The real them, the shy person, or person who's unsure who they really are, can hide behind that.

Or maybe, and I know this is a really out there suggestion, because they like the clothes?

You can really like clothes and wear them at home though.

I really like my velour joggers and fleecy waterfall wrap robe but I wear them in the house as lounge wear. I really like my neon pink slippers too. I don’t feel the need to wear them in public though.

Every time you wear something strikingly ‘alternative’ in public it draws attention. Mostly I suspect people doing so either crave attention or don’t look in the mirror.

Or are completely unaware of what clothes others wear.

There are so many styles of clothing considered normal and mainstream now you’d have to try quite hard to be alternative!

Eg wear a fancy dress costume, or mismatched bright colours and patterns to the extreme, or ski wear in summer or a summer dress with bare legs in mid winter?

I guess it must be individual. As when I was younger I just naturally liked different cloths, not goth or hippy, think vintage when vintage wasn’t ‘in’! But I felt very comfortable when I lived somewhere with lots of other people who dressed how they liked, as I did not want to stick out at all.

I purposefully toned it down when I lived and worked in more conservative area.

Having grown up in an area rather hostile to anyone alternative and always being the centre of attention whether I wanted to be or not I've decided to embrace it and where what I want. From 90's metal/goth/greb person I am now a middle age metal/goth/greb person with more hair colours and a more expensive wardrobe.

Thing is, no-one really cares if it doesn't catch on doors or machinery and no-one can tell under a lab coat and PPE. Plus I can dress smart and alternative at the same time it is possible.

I still wonder if there are people on this thread who are still in highschool on a playground but don't realise it. How does someone being a goth or alternative actually hurt you? I will wear my clothes wherever -that is if I'm wearing them at all - heatwave + no video meetings can save on the laundry like last year.

The thing is alternative people can be knobs, mainstream people can also be knobs so listen to what they say and look at their actions. Mind you, I can't see myself ever going to a mainstream nightclub ever again (providing I get let in) - terrifying meatmarkets with shit music.

Plus my clothes have pockets.

Was a bit weird being fashionable in 2010-2011 though. Thing is, there really aren't that many alternative shops on the high street anymore. Now I have something approaching a shopping budget I don't want to bother anymore!

@SamusIsAGirl

Having grown up in an area rather hostile to anyone alternative and always being the centre of attention whether I wanted to be or not I've decided to embrace it and where what I want. From 90's metal/goth/greb person I am now a middle age metal/goth/greb person with more hair colours and a more expensive wardrobe.

Thing is, no-one really cares if it doesn't catch on doors or machinery and no-one can tell under a lab coat and PPE. Plus I can dress smart and alternative at the same time it is possible.

I still wonder if there are people on this thread who are still in highschool on a playground but don't realise it. How does someone being a goth or alternative actually hurt you? I will wear my clothes wherever -that is if I'm wearing them at all - heatwave + no video meetings can save on the laundry like last year.

The thing is alternative people can be knobs, mainstream people can also be knobs so listen to what they say and look at their actions. Mind you, I can't see myself ever going to a mainstream nightclub ever again (providing I get let in) - terrifying meatmarkets with shit music.

Plus my clothes have pockets.

Well put! I wear goth office wear. It’s more than doable!

@MusicMenu

I absolutely get that dressing differently is a way to hide. You're very nicely hidden if all anyone notices about you is your clothes.

Yes. It’s akin to a movie I saw with a man who robs a bank or something and he has a huge face tattoo. So distinctive right? Except it’s a fake tattoo and no one can remember anything about him other than the tattoo. They didn’t see him, they saw the tat. That’s exactly how I feel people ‘see’ me. They don’t see anything about me except crazy hair and huge boots or whatever is on me that day. Which suits me just fine.