Just got accused of 'performance parenting...'

[itsallaboutschmoo]

DP and I have been out for the day taking our 3 year old nephew to a local attraction for his birthday treat.

For reference we are child free ourselves but often have our nephews for weekends and like to take them on days out when possible. DN just turned 3, is entirely non verbal and currently under investigation for hearing issues.

Queuing for a ride with him I was pointing out a dinosaur statue nearby (to keep his attention on something so he didn't become fussy waiting.) I wasn't being especially loud but I do enunciate clearly when I speak to him to give him the best chance of understanding.

A woman behind us in the queue leaned over and tapped me (hello Covid breach) and said 'could you spare us the performance parenting? It's embarrassing.' I was dumbfounded. Not entirely sure what I did wrong and felt really self conscious for the rest of the day. I am maybe a bit loud when I talk to him and I'm not a parent so I suppose I don't know what's considered normal.

So WIBU and 'performance parenting' or should this woman keep her views to herself?

I would have matter of factly and loudly said "sorry? I struggle with hearing, can you repeat that?" Because watching the self satisfied nosey so and so squirm would have been 2 seconds worth of amusement, better than an afternoon thinking wtf?

She was having a bad day and wanted to share. Don’t think about it for another second.

Sign " Fuck off you wanker " to her
smile
Walk away
They'll be people in the queue who will know what you are saying

She was a cow

What an utter, utter twat.

Please dont let that absolutely bollox statement stay with you, she's likely just insecure about her own parenting!
You sound like a wonderful aunt, and doing great.. in fact, sod it, turn it up a notch!
I would love a relative to "performance parent" my child. Means you're doing a lovely, awe inspiring job.

Shes the twat, you're clearly not. Continue being fabulous.

I would have been furious. I be never heard of this term but I think I might be one a little bit. I don't do it to show off, absolutely not, in fact I hate having any attention on me.
But when we are at an attraction or a museum or something I like to point things out to my children and maybe ask them questions or expand on it abit because surely that's why you are there?

@3scape

I would have matter of factly and loudly said "sorry? I struggle with hearing, can you repeat that?" Because watching the self satisfied nosey so and so squirm would have been 2 seconds worth of amusement, better than an afternoon thinking wtf?

I honestly thought I might have misheard her at first. Adults had to wear masks in the queue and I often think it's hard to understand people in them sometimes but DP (not in the queue) heard it too.

Lesson learned though- ignore knobheads and point out their knobheadedness to them.

Just told SIL about it when dropping him home. She laughed and said she gets comments/ dirty looks when she speaks loudly and clearly to him all the time.

Oh my f ing god! I hope bitches like that get karma. Just remember she's probably a shit parent or why would she be so aggressive about that

She was having a bad day and wanted to share. Don’t think about it for another second.

Absolutely this!
Misery loves company.

Everyone points things out to children and speak out loud to them - that’s how they learn.

She was a bit rude. But the performance parenting is quite irritating. I would have thought it but said nothing.

@Viviennemary

She was a bit rude. But the performance parenting is quite irritating. I would have thought it but said nothing.

'A bit'?

She was throughly nasty.

And as for thinking it? I do sometimes form opinions on other parents in my own mind. But I do try to stop myself, reminding myself I don't know the background or context & actually, judging, even internally, is shitty.

Oh look nephew. There's a disablist Twat.
Can you say twat John?
T W A T
Yes, good boy John, it does rhyme with Pratt.
P R A T T clever boy, John...

(I might not actually say that)

She must have been an MNer as I've never heard the expression "performance parenting" anywhere else.

Silly moo.

@BrumBoo

If child has suspected hearing loss, them speaking loudly and clearly is not performance parenting. I would have said something in that situation.

My husband performance parents at times, and it's bloody cringy. It's not 'oh look at the dinosaur, isn't that cool!', it's more like 'look, there's a T-Rex! How do we know it's a T-rex Toby*? Can you name any other type of carnivorous dinosaur?'. All at 20 thousand decibel whilst I try and back away slowly.....

*not child's name.

Your DH might give people a giggle, I remember a colleague introducing us to his son and saying he could name all these dinosaurs while the kid just babbled and made incoherent baby noises. They also wore matching jumpers.

OP don't think about her, she's not worth it.

Wow, you met a genuine MN Hyacinth in the wild!

Just imagine how much worse it could have been if she lived next door and your children had a trampoline.

@Viviennemary

She was a bit rude. But the performance parenting is quite irritating. I would have thought it but said nothing.

See, I dont understand this point of view.

My high school was attached to the school for the dead, then the council defunded that school and put us all in together, so every class had a sign language interpreter and some teachers would speak very clearly and loudly for those kids who had limited hearing. It was just totally normal for me for that 6 years I went to high school, so when I see or hear a parent being loud and clear to their kid, I just assume it's to help the child's understanding. But I guess you assume they're just performing for the crowd?

Ignore. One persons performance parenting is another parents actually talking to their kid! I'm far more offended by adults who sit playing on their phones ignoring their kids at dinner, I would rather they were reading U.K. them or playing eye spy!

'Could you spare us the performance twatting? It's embarrassing.'

Not that I would actually have the guts to say it, but I'd wish I had

My high school was attached to the school for the dead

Christ that sounds terrifying.

It honestly doesn't enter my head to judge anyone's parenting unless they are being abusive or neglectful. She's an asshole OP. Don't give her another second of your time.

@donquixotedelamancha

My high school was attached to the school for the dead

Christ that sounds terrifying.

🤣

How sad that you SIL has to put up with this shit all the time! People really are vile.

Ignore OP - but please be ready with the put down of all put downs for the next time a rude twat says something vile to you.

OMG I am truly shocked at her saying that!

You should have pointed out his hearing issues and shamed her. But I get maybe you don’t want to say stuff like that infront of him.

I have mobility issues and get around on a trike, I struggle walking at times. A few weeks ago I was on my trike and went over a narrow footbridge which yes says no bicycles and was shouted at by a man who wasn’t even on the bloody bridge. I shouted back that I’m disabled, can’t walk, it’s a mobility device not a bike and he should be shouting at disabled people in the street and should be ashamed of himself. He got it both barrels and never said anything in reply but scuttled off.

Hopefully he’ll think twice before being such a dick (I always check the bridge is clear of people before crossing btw and wait if it isn’t.)

Tapping random strangers on the shoulder and insulting them is a dangerous game. Fingers crossed the next time she does it she picks someone with an explosive temper.