Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

My dd is in first year of high school and I started letting her go to the park during the last lockdown. She usually goes a couple of afternoons a week after school now for an hour or so. She also goes for walks with a friend and to the village shop.
I guess it’s very dependent on area and personality of child and friends though.

I think its great that she wants to. If you can be brave and let her, it will be good for her independence and confidence.

Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities.

Why? Its important for children to learn to amuse themselves without entertainment being provided.

I can understand how you feel - I wouldn’t be entirely comfortable either. It’s not the child you don’t trust it’s others. It does also depend on the area you live in and the child. I would properly feel happier if it was to one safe location I wouldn’t let mine do general wandering. I don’t think you are unreasonable for wanting her to be a bit older. Maybe wait until she’s at secondary and use the time now to start building up her safety awareness and independence.

Yes you are. She needs to learn independence and also needs to not have every minute micromanaged. ‘Just hanging out’ is important.

Yes, you are being ridiculous. How far is the local park? I'm guessing not that far if it's local. You need to start letting her be more independent, explore amd build resilience.

Also if your daughter is starting secondary in September it's a good idea to get her used to walking around your community in preparation for getting too and from school etc.

I guess it’s very dependent on area and personality of child and friends though

Sorry but i disagree - at 9 yes, but by 11 all NT children should be independent enough to spend a short amount of time with friends away from their caregiver, OP you need to let your child have this gradual introduction to independence- its normal and its healthy!

Mine did from 10, well only one wanted to the other didn't do hanging out with friends.

You do need to let them grow up in stages

It depends on it of things like how safe the area is, traffic, how far from home and how sensible the child but I would say let her go with a good friend and tell them to stay together. Children benefit hugely from having some independence and learning to manage risk. And it's really important that they get chance to hang around, rather than always being directed by adults. If they don't do this while young they are likely to have poorer mental health, self esteem, and decision making skills later in life. Plus presumably she will be travelling to and from secondary school independently in a few months so needs to practise going out and about before then.

Time to start with little bits of freedom. Make sure she has her phone and you have a tracking app.

I would, but I would arrange it so she goes with a friend rather than alone. So drop her at a friend's, or vice versa, or arrange to meet en route. I don't think it's ideal to be alone at this age, but it's a good time to start being more independent.

We decided on the Summer holiday before secondary school.

That's interesting, I had a chat tonight with ds, 10, (going up to high school this autumn) about going out with friends.

I said it would be OK to go out on bikes.

I also said not to do anything silly with friends, and if anything were suggested that he was not happy with, to just say he had to come home.

He will be walking or cycling to school from September so he needs a bit of freedom now but we do live in a very safe area.

He also has a simple mobile and I would expect him to be contactable.

I'm in London and let my 10 y o go to the park but it is well populated and nearby.

If she wants to I think you should let her personally, but this is your call entirely so stick with it if you think it's right for you given the circumstances. Just really examine your reasoning so you know it's not just unsubstituted fear because unfortunately you have to let them do some things you fear them doing so they can grow up.

*I meant unsubstantiated!

It's really difficult, isn't it? Scary but, I'm afraid, necessary.

I see lots of 10 year olds (I know as they are local kids and I know they are y5 at school) where I live who go for walks in pairs etc without parents, ride bikes together, go to our local park.

Why do you want your child engaged in more directed activities? You need to let her start being her own person and gradually letting her have a bit of independence, 11 is plenty old enough. You need to let go, your joke is a bit telling.

As long as it’s not too far from the house and it’s daytime not evening. I don’t want to sound like an old crone and I know it’s a long time ago but I was out and about playing in the street and off on my bike a lot younger than 11. Even now children in London are catching trains and buses to school on their own in many cases by then.

Very much the norm for us in Yr6. City suburb. Park & local shop and key for the door. And walk to school & back.

My kid is 8 and she plays outside (not always in sight) with the other kids in the neighbourhood. She’s sensible and sticks with her friends, and doesn’t go far but honestly - the days where she engages with that kind of play are great. I noticed a vast difference when she never during lockdown. It’s so important for kids to just play with other kids, without adults managing it or watching over all the time. They go out on bikes, scooters - they play with sticks, and sometimes just nothing but their imagination.

I was eleven when I went to high school- I think I would have laughed if my mum had come to the park to just sit there while I played.

I hated the idea of 'hanging out'. We let our teen go to the park with friends in Y6, and I was curtain twitching the whole time. He came back beaming having played football, hide & seek and rolling down hills. I was happy with that!

My 8 year old does. I’m slightly more intrigued by your comments on ‘directed activities’ whatever on earth that means.

I’d expect an 11 year old to be self sufficient more or less in honesty.

I thought it was quite normal for children to go to the park. I did, my children and their friends did.