Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

I would allow it no problem.

They learn so much from “hanging out” in the park though. How to be independent. How to sort out squabbles. How to manage money if they can go to the shops for a snack. How to make good choices/ learn from (hopefully not too) bad choices. I’m sure there’s many other things too.

@beachsidecafe

There are many ways to achieve freedom and independence without subjecting children to danger and risk. The two are not entwined. There are many options out there that can be fun and safe. It is not cool to allow your children to put themselves in danger. There are bastards out there very willing to pick up the parenting and guiding trust me. It is not all about serial killers and ridiculous drama, but simply put - county lines, men that like being friends with young girls, drugs are endemic, drinking is expected. Why expose your children to that?

They are much too young to cope with it.

I’m fairly sure my 11 year old isn’t going to become a county lines drug dealer from going to the local park with his mates. He does ride there on a black BMX though so I guess he’s got the transport already 😂.

It was the age I let my son go out on his own, just before secondary so he got more independence.

Really surprised so many are so happy to expose their eleven old children to what goes in parks. Plenty of life lessons you really don't want them to have, sure, plenty of experiences that could fuck them up for life, great.

I still judge my parents heavily for putting me at risk, and I hold them responsible for what happened to us. I don't have a great relationship with them thanks to their lazy, shoddy parenting when I was young.

You can learn how to buy a snack, be independent and organise squabbles anywhere that does not involve drug dealers, men in cars pulling up looking for young girls, drinking and low level crime. Shop lifting etc.

Some parents will let their kids go anywhere, and be exposed to anything as long as they are out of the house trust me all the life lessons you will learn in parks in the evenings are the ones you would rather not.

lady the joke is on you, seriously, if you think teens and kids go to parks to cycle!! How can anyone be so naive and stupid.

@beachsidecafe

There are many ways to achieve freedom and independence without subjecting children to danger and risk. The two are not entwined. There are many options out there that can be fun and safe. It is not cool to allow your children to put themselves in danger. There are bastards out there very willing to pick up the parenting and guiding trust me. It is not all about serial killers and ridiculous drama, but simply put - county lines, men that like being friends with young girls, drugs are endemic, drinking is expected. Why expose your children to that?

They are much too young to cope with it.

I'm not sure I understand what you're talking about. Do you mean letting your kids go to the park in the daytime, after school, when lots of smaller children and their parents are about?

Or do you mean teenagers hanging around in the evening? I think the two are quite different.

Depends on the child and the park.
One park near us is home to druggies and other dodgy people, plus a 14 year old girl was raped there last year so I never let DD go until she was around 14/15 and I knew there was a group of them who could be trusted to stay together.
There’s another park though that I was happy for her to go to from Y7

Anytime after 5pm basically, sometimes directly after school.
Certainly anyone still out at 6pm onwards is looking for trouble. There are no parents pushing kids on swings, and the park transforms into a very different place.
I am amazed so many parents that clearly have no idea what happens themselves, send their kids unwittingly and then seem to laugh at themselves in the process. It is messed up.

Goodness OP if you only let her do 'directed ' activities how will she learn resilience/ social skills/ ability to handle herself in UNEXPECTED situations which is what life is.

She needs to feel independence, the sense that she is developing new skills away from you.

Children already have far far less indepndence than previous generations. At 11, let her go!

hopping Have you been to the other park, the one your dd goes to on a Friday or Saturday night? It might be worth doing so, in my experience groups of young people move around from park to park, and are not confined to one.
Your dd could be exposed to the same druggies and rapists, they don't stay in one place, not matter how safe she tells you it is. I think you know it is not safe. At all.

Certainly anyone still out at 6pm onwards is looking for trouble. There are no parents pushing kids on swings, and the park transforms into a very different place.

I'm not sure what kind of horror story your park is but I'm frequently found amongst other parents of small children pushing my toddler on the swings after 6pm. I'm not disputing that some teens get up to mischief and this sometimes happens at parks but you're making it sound like parks are hotbeds of violence, drinking and drugs which is completely inaccurate of the vast majority of parks.

By that age I was getting buses into busy town centres by myself and meeting up with friends. Not letting an 11 year old go to a local park by herself is a bit ridiculous.

The naive posts on here are really very alarming. People are talking about 'independence' and 'letting her go' have seriously no idea!!! No idea whatsoever. It is positively scary.

Getting involved in drugs from a very early age, being raped, being followed home, sitting in cars with older men that enjoy young girls company, being forced into sex acts, drinking under age, getting into trouble with the police, drug dealing and many many other things that happen every day once parents leave the park at sunset. You are exposing your young children to all of it in your quest for independence at all costs, and ignoring the safer options.

If you really think this is 'independence' then I can not help you. No one can. You will be back on MN in a few months/years with your kids in all kinds of trouble, confused as to where you went wrong

@beachsidecafe

The naive posts on here are really very alarming. People are talking about 'independence' and 'letting her go' have seriously no idea!!! No idea whatsoever. It is positively scary.

Getting involved in drugs from a very early age, being raped, being followed home, sitting in cars with older men that enjoy young girls company, being forced into sex acts, drinking under age, getting into trouble with the police, drug dealing and many many other things that happen every day once parents leave the park at sunset. You are exposing your young children to all of it in your quest for independence at all costs, and ignoring the safer options.

If you really think this is 'independence' then I can not help you. No one can. You will be back on MN in a few months/years with your kids in all kinds of trouble, confused as to where you went wrong

Get a grip.

Mine started a few months ago, she'll be 11 in a few months time.

She absolutely loves the bit of independence, while I stay at home shitting myself. That's how it should be!

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities.

Why? Its important for children to learn to amuse themselves without entertainment being provided.

Absolutely this. 'Hanging out' with her peers is not wasted time. Its an important part of her social development to be able to negotiate these social interactions without adult intervention, or doing adult structured/monitored activities. She needs to learn some independence and that means being able to manage her own time, occupations and social relationships. Eleven is well old enough.

Jesus Beachside … nobody is talking about letting their 11 year olds loose in the park at 9pm, strolling home at midnight!

Any of those things could happen at any age, thankfully usually they don't! But on that basis when would you start letting them out! 18?

at 6pm it is still broad daylight and my park is full of parents with little kids and people playing football/tennis, walking dogs.

UrAWizHarry I think it is you that needs to get a grip, go and educate yourself and go to park this (the same one your kids no doubt go to) and see what is going on for yourself. If you are happy to put them at risk that is a matter for you. But so you know, one day they will be adults and wonder why the hell you would care so little for them, as to let them be exposed to the stuff that goes down there...really it is on you. Not me.

My kids have never been allowed to hang out in parks in the evenings. Can't say they have missed it one bit, and they are nearly adults now and preparing for uni, and are in good shape largely thanks to giving them independence in places where they were unlikely to come to harm. Jesus christ, its hardly difficult. Keep your kids safe.

beachsidecafe
It sounds like you have had experience of too much, and the wrong kind of independence and I am sorry for that, as it's obviously been unpleasant to say the least.
I think the OP is trying to gauge the line to draw in order to allow her DD an appropriate level of independence.
However, I would agree that parklife often has a very seedy side, so be aware of that. I would let my DD go to our local park, but the one in the next town along is a very different place. Once the little kids and their parents go home the vibe of most parks is very different.

@BigSandyBalls2015

at 6pm it is still broad daylight and my park is full of parents with little kids and people playing football/tennis, walking dogs.

Really glad to see it's not just our park that's still full of life after 6. I took the toddler a few weeks ago at 8 as he had, had a late nap and there were still plenty of kids, families and small people about.

I genuinely don't recognise the description of a park being the epicentre of all of societies ills. In my opinion there's actually not many places better than a park for a pre teen to gain independence.

11 is a very appropriate assuming it's not a high crime area.

I also think young people directing their own time is important. If you think the park is too idle and anti social, why not suggest the city centre where they can look round a few shops.

Our DD is in Yr6 and we've been letting her do this a bit recently. I would much rather she gets some experience in our village park with friends and classmates she has known for years (and whose parents I know), where she knows dozens of people, due to Covid so many more people are out walking and therefore there are more adults around than their might be and many of the older kids who might be hanging out she knows as they were at primary school a few years back or are siblings of friends of hers and, when she's left something behind, it's easy enough to nip back and get it. There have been a couple of very minor "incidents" which has given us an opportunity to talk through what she could have done in that situation etc.
Next year she'll be off to secondary in the local town where it will all be very different but hopefully this will give her some confidence to know when to stay, when the leave and the rare occasions when to interfere.

Surely I can't have been the only one who went out all day on our bikes at around 7 years old! I know this was in the 70s but why is society more cautious now? Yes, more traffic, but we aren't doing our DC any favours by keeping them locked in!