Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

I think 11 is ok to be allowed to go to the park alone. I’m with you in that I’m not a fan of kids just hanging around as i remember what my friends and I got up to by hanging around.

My Y6 and Y5 child go to the park in the village on their own, it’s 8-10 minutes walk away, neither have a mobile phone. If their Y3 sibling goes, the Y8 child must go too (or an adult).
The Y5 and Y6 also walk the 3 mile round trip across footpaths to the village shop on the neighbouring village as we don’t have one. I love that I feel confident enough to do this. It is about personality of the child though, location and upbringing (fostering independence from earlier age)

My 10yo ,(y5) does. We live in a northern city. Goes to park after school then I meet him there.

Mine (9&11) don't 'play out' because we don't live in walking distance of any of their friends so it's still arranged playdates. My 11 yo is not great at making judgements and would likely be the one 'dared' to do something stupid and he'd do it to be liked, or because he felt he couldn't say no. I'm working on it but right now, other than coming home after school and letting himself in for an hour or so til I get back, he's mostly supervised. I didn't do much 'hanging out' til much much older as I was involved in a sport as a teenager which had training almost every night and weekend.

Year 6 is a good age to start doing this IMO, in preparation for secondary school when they are more independent.

This freedom seems to be getting later and later as the years go by. There was someone on here the other week who had a 14 year old (NT) who had never been out alone

By year 6 a child should be allowed to go out without a parent to build the necessary life skills for high school.

It is incredibly rare for a child to be snatched from the street.

Also once they’re in year 7, most of them want a lot more freedom and it will be with new friends who you know nothing about and don’t know the parents, unlike primary school, so best to get used to it now.

Mine are 11 and 9 and can go to hang out at their school field and around our village (10 min walk). They have a phone. I think it's great for them.

Not sure how I'd feel about a park in big city but think I'd have to take the plunge. By this age I think it's great for them to have time not directed by parents.

My eldest started going out to the park or shops with friends in the summer holidays between y5 and y6. She's just turned 12 and now goes into the city shopping eith friends - they know which trains to get and know their way around, what to do in any situation that might arise. Shes not allowed out after dark (by 8 in the summer when it goes dark later) and she has to check in hourly, either a call or text to let me know she's OK, but I think its important for them to have some independence. I'm a VERY anxious parent but thats my issue not hers so I bite my tongue and let her have her freedom.

I remember I played out from much younger and walked to and from school ages 8.

From the age of about 6 most of my life was playing out on my bike with the other kids in the neighbourhood. I had no sibling close in age so it was so important for me.

If you do decide to let her go, talk her through several scenarios which might come up and give her ideas of how to get out of them.
My DD ended up doing something daft because the others were doing it and she didn't know how to say no. So, we've come up with ways for her to remove herself from the situation for a few minutes (she needs the loo, wants to get a drink or a snack etc so she has a reason to come in). She's younger than your DD though and never out of sight house.

I'd also suggest you chat to her about phones usage, people recording stuff or showing her porn etc. As even if she doesn't have one, her friends probably will.

My dds (yr 6) walk or cycle to school. They go out 'for a walk' on a Saturday which is where a group of 4 of them go to the park. I insist they take phone and a small amount of cash and tell me when they will be back plus they have to stick together.

Dd1 walks to tennis by herself which is a mile down the road but a road which has traffic both human and car, is well lit and it's literally a straight line. There are houses of people she knows dotted down it. A friend of hers also goes and they walk part at back together.

This is pretty typical in their year group. Only one of their friends isn't allowed to do the same but this child was also not allowed to play in the garden by herself until she was 9.

I think there's a big difference once they start secondary OP. What seems like a stretch now will seem "natural" in the autumn when things will feel much more independent in terms of her school etc. You won't be involved in it all so much any more. There are so many subjects, so many teachers, and such a greater distance in terms of school communications - I think you'll get used to there being more distance between your dd and you and suddenly allowing her to go to the park will just seem obvious, I think.

Around about age 8. It’s five mins away, just one street away from her primary school, so she knew it really well. We live in inner city. Two road to cross, neither very busy. Age 11 is way too late,IMO.

Totally normal for summer term of year six to start giving more freedom and preparing them for travelling alone etc ready for high school.

Yabu if she's with friends. Golden rule, anything happens she feels uncomfortable with come straight back home. Worked for my lot.

Fully dependent on area, where I grew up, totally safe, where I am now there's dodgy parts that teenagers hang out drinking and smoking. There's been a number of kids quite badly hassled over the years, the kind of shit you see on tv, pushed around, bags or phones taken, by groups of more than 5 but I think if you're even asking then your local park isn't one of those areas and you're probably fine

8 is far far too young to be allowed out in a public space alone. Playing in fields /gardens/in front of houses fine but I’m horrified people would let their 8 year olds walk to a public space alone. At this age their brain isn’t developed and they still need parental guidance as to risk and what’s safe or not. They need to be able to access their parents easily if there is a problem. If someone happened and the police found out you’d let an 8 year old wander out in public alone I think you’d be looking at a child negligence charge (not saying you’d def be convicted but they would certainly consider it). 9/10 years I could understand but 8 is crazy. My kids are very sensible and very bright but there’s a whole range of things that could go wrong and at 8 they just wouldn’t be able to cope with them.

Thanks again for comments - like the idea of summer term for building some independence with friends.

I would actually say no to the park. My own experience tells me that the parks are usually full of young kids/teens smoking, drinking, taking drugs and having sex and I really wish my mother had said no when I asked her at 12 to go to the park with my friends, she is not going to play on the swings is she. Knowing what I know now, absolutely over my dead body would any of my dcs be going there.

Yes to shopping after school
Yes to the cinema (when it opens)
Yes to ice skating, roller skating and sports with friends
Yes to age approp discos and get togethers

Yes to freedom, but no to hanging out in parks with sometimes much older men.

The parks are rife especially in the evenings with trouble in many places, even very nice areas at this age like my very lovely village. Go along and take a look before you say yes, go on a Friday night, get the measure of the culture and the reasons for her wanting to go. She is only 11. Look after her.

DS and his mate would call on each other, he lived about 5 mins away and then walk 10 mins together to local park at that age. Their favourite day was when there was a stand off between some shoplifters and the police. The shoplifters managed to get on the roof of a building and proceed to get drunk on stolen booze.

I mean I liked our holiday in France and getting DS to practice speaking in French and all those trips to museums but I guess all of life is an education.

I would say no to parks in the evening, I know the older kids got up to all sorts when the park was quieter it was well known.

My eldest is the same age and he’s never been to the park or actually anywhere alone either. I know I have to let him soon, he’s going to secondary in September and he’ll be getting the bus to and from school alone. I’m a bit of a helicopter parent, I’ve always struggled with giving them independence because I worry sick about something horrible happening.

An 11 yr old who is heading for high school never to have done anything alone is not good parenting. How do you expect this dh old to make a decision? risk assess?
Park the helicopter up and let him go, just a bit 😀

*child not dh

DD was allowed to the park with friends at age 12 - with friends, not alone.

There are many ways to achieve freedom and independence without subjecting children to danger and risk. The two are not entwined. There are many options out there that can be fun and safe. It is not cool to allow your children to put themselves in danger. There are bastards out there very willing to pick up the parenting and guiding trust me. It is not all about serial killers and ridiculous drama, but simply put - county lines, men that like being friends with young girls, drugs are endemic, drinking is expected. Why expose your children to that?

They are much too young to cope with it.