Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

Typo mine have been allowed since age seven.

I let my 11 year old play out with her friends for a couple of hours. She has a phone and money and is sensible so I think it's a good age. No younger tho, especially not younger than 10.

It is dark at 4pm in the winter. So it would be a no from me. It would be a no anyway, surely there are better things to do than hang around street corners and parks bored stiff.

It's not winter.

If kids are bored playing in the park then they aren't doing it properly.

Do most children no longer just go knocking on a friends door? Is everything arranged by a 'playdate' by mum and dad

I think it depends where you live. If you don’t live near other children then no it isn’t normal it all has to be arranged by play dates

Since when do parks make kids bored stiff?!

Some of the attitudes here are wild.

My local park is locked at dusk. The opening hours change throughout the year. They all have gates and padlocks. They are safe.

Obviously this will depend on individual child and safety around where you live, but for me, this is around the right age . I let DS become more independent final term of Y6, going out on his scooter with friends, to the park or to friends houses . Also letting him walk back from school .

The main concerns for me were around crossing roads and traffic .

Generally I think it's important for children to learn to be more independent before they start secondary school but there will be some children for whom this isn't appropriate, or areas where this would be dangerous.

Our kids were playing out at the park when they were 8. It's just down the end of the road but it's out of sight. All their wee pals were there too. We're in semi rural Germany though, it's a bit different here. But I can remember playing out at the "big park" (5 mins walk) aged 9 or 10 and the "wee park" (end of the street, out of sight) from about 5 or 6! It's really changed, hasn't it? I don't think kids are in any more danger these days from playing out... or they wouldn't be, if all their wee friends were out too.

It's the right age for them to be doing this. My just-turned-11 Y6 has been meeting friends at the park / for a walk / to go to the local shops covid-depending since last summer. She loves the sense of independence gives her.

@Bythemillpond

Do most children no longer just go knocking on a friends door? Is everything arranged by a 'playdate' by mum and dad

I think it depends where you live. If you don’t live near other children then no it isn’t normal it all has to be arranged by play dates

I find it sad that some families would live where there are no children. Part of my job as a parent is to facilitate and encourage friendships and independence in my children.

I know there are some cases where not living near other children would happen, but not many surely?

Depends on the area. I was allowed to play out with friends away from adults for hours when I was in Year 3 or 4. I lived in a small town.

I do mean during the long summer days - requests have only been coming in lately so it seems others parents are giving their DDs/DSs a bit of freedom/responsibility for a few hours. Also kids walking to/from school on their own ... I have let DD go meet friends in park but just hung around doing work admin usually (so at a distance not watching every move). She tolerates that (probably for not much longer ...)

Glad I've been about as they were pestered by kid their age - on his own - with a phone - looking for friends poor kid and then wanting to show them images of recent grissly murder victim on his phone ...

So I guess I'm trying to get a sense of what's out there ...culture is slightly different to one I grew up in (age/place).

Also DD is very mature looking (14-15) and I'd rather she have fun without being pestered by older boys/men (which was chronic when I was younger/that age and slightly older ...)

@beachsidecafe

The naive posts on here are really very alarming. People are talking about 'independence' and 'letting her go' have seriously no idea!!! No idea whatsoever. It is positively scary.

Getting involved in drugs from a very early age, being raped, being followed home, sitting in cars with older men that enjoy young girls company, being forced into sex acts, drinking under age, getting into trouble with the police, drug dealing and many many other things that happen every day once parents leave the park at sunset. You are exposing your young children to all of it in your quest for independence at all costs, and ignoring the safer options.

If you really think this is 'independence' then I can not help you. No one can. You will be back on MN in a few months/years with your kids in all kinds of trouble, confused as to where you went wrong

I'm sorry for what you went through, but your experience is far from the norm elsewhere.

Have you had any counselling? It might help you 💐

@DumplingsAndStew

I don't think it's so much 'no children' rather 'no children that play out'. Sometimes that a quirk of the actual street the houses are on (main road/roads that resemble car parks - very much so in new build estates etc) and parents who won't allow them to play out the front.

I grew up in a lovely Cul-de-sac. Modern at the time as the end was a big rectangle (rather than a small circle) I'm still friends wuth some of those kids. But we were all in & out of each other's houses/back gardens and playing out together.these days that street has 2/3/4 cars per house and it's virtually a car park. Not much room for kids to play, too dangerous with cars coming & going all the time and tricky manoeuvring to park. Lots of other places there's room, it's safe enough, but parents just won't let kids play out in case kids are abducted or whatever, so no one is out the other kids don't go out. It's rare to see kids playing out. It's such a shame.

When I was little we used to take the babies for a walk in their prams 🤣 I can't imagine anyone allowing that these days.

I feel SO lucky to have grown up when I did.

There seems to be a big disparity about what parents THINK their children are doing in the park versus what they are actually doing the park!

Not many 11/12 years olds I know are keen on playing on the slides and swings, so clearly they are there for other reasons.

I remember going to the park to meet boys. Not sure i would want that for my pre teen dd. I would rather she cut her teeth doing something more wholesome. Our park is nice, but only in the day.

Midnight star - no schools round us would let an 8 year old walk to school alone! At our current school it’s ok for year 6 only and their parents have to have signed a note.

Our park is nice, but only in the day.

Again - we are all talking about going to the park in the day! You are the only one answering a totally different question. My 11 year old does NOT go to the park at night. When she finishes guides at 9 I collect her but she walks herself there at 7 (it's in the park)

But @Itisablessing like you say, parents aren't privy to everything their kids are doing. So you can send her to whatever supervised activity you like, but if she's going to spend the time scouting out the boys, then what's the difference?

I don't know what the problem is with a 12 year old meeting boys the same age in a park. My DD's whole class practically meet up in the park after school every day. There are boys there. I can't get excited about it.

@Mumbot345635 that's bizarre. In our local authority primary 1 and 2 must be handed over to an adult (or older sibling in some cases) after that dc are just admitted and released. A huge number of dc walk by 8

Oh and my DD is only in the park between school and dinner time, so always back by 6.

Mightnight - you say Primary 1 and primary 2 which indicates you aren’t in England... it’s very different a rural primary school in Scotland to a London primary.

Fights would break out at our park after school, so it was best avoided. Better to wait until after tea, then you only had the druggies and old men to deal with, and some good looking boys of course

If you want that for your dc go ahead, im choosing a different road for my dc.

Ps my parents thought I was out playing with friends at 11/12/13 when I was actually trying smoking and alcohol. Like others I wish my parents had been more protective and caring and not given me as much independence! It didn’t give me any life skills - I learnt mostly from watching them. Just made me feel a bit unloved and uncared for.

Yup totally get that mum we were a long way from feral, but I was in above my head more than once. Smoking and drinking was rife, and smoking weed.
Maybe parents on here prefer to think their kids are playing on the swings and practising their tennis shots but I would beg to differ. My dad thought i was sporty as if!