Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

Mike - round us there’s just been a spate of attempted abductions (large city - police have issued warnings). It does depend on the area!
It’s not the child you don’t trust - it’s others.
Yes most kids are fine at 11. But they are still vulnerable and it’s ok to let them gain independence gradually. Walking to school is one thing because it’s a set route and someone would notice if they don’t turn up. Similarly walking to a friend house alone. But hanging out without the parent knowing where the child is riskier. It’s the wandering to different places that would bother me.

My 8yo DD plays out with friends. There’s 6 of them who all play out together. They cross a small, quiet road to get to the shop and there’s a field behind our back garden they all play on. Either building dens, playing football or tennis or just on their bikes / scooters.
Independence in children is extremely important IMO.

Brilliant. Thanks for comments. I didn't hang out in parks when I was a kid where I came from - not really. Had to drive/bus everywhere. More went to friend's houses and played there in big yards/with pools etc. Also played a lot of sport so would hang out with groups at complex waiting for games etc. Also it was long time ago so am racking brain to remember. Thanks again.

Mine have been out at the park since they were 9ish. Depending on the sensibility of each child. The park is generally ok but there have been stabbings and trouble at times and a few of their friends have got it into fights but generally had a good time and learnt how to get out of trouble..

DS is 11, Y7. He has been going to the park with friends since Y6. Today, I dropped him at a local ‘Goals’ where he played football with some friends, then they decided to walk to the nearby McDonalds for some food. He texted me to ask that I pick him up 30 mins later because they’d gone to eat. We are in SE London and parts are quite rough. He and his friends are a pretty sensible bunch and it’s good to see him growing a bit of independence, although of course as a parent, you worry. I’d say baby steps with these things, but a little bit of independence is a good thing.

OP it does also depend how safe your local park is.

How safe your local area is. Etc.

And knowing your child will have common sense to avoid anything silly/dodgey etc.

Mine are put all the time and have done from younger than your daughter.
But we live in a very safe area, the kids all stick together and the village looks out for them. They are all very free range.
I will be more inclined to clip their wings a bit as teenagers actually.

I'm also in a small city in the south west (probably the same one!). My 11 year old DD is in year 6 and has just started going to the park on her own with friends. I think it's so important for them to gain a little independence and confidence at this age. She loves it too and feels grown up.

Both my older DC started going to the park in the summer term of year 5 so aged 10.
They would go with friends and one of the mums would head down to round them up to come home at teatime.
Obviously Covid hit so my middle one who was in year 6 last year didn’t get a proper summer but he will go to the park after school for a bit if the weather is nice.
DC3 is now in year 5 but his friends parents are less inclined to let them to the park independently and the weather has been pretty crap lately.

I started letting my Year 6 DD go to the park with a friend when she turned 11. It is about a 15 minute walk away but no roads to cross and she has a phone. I wouldn't let her walk up there alone. My DD is going to have to walk back from secondary school and let herself into the house in a few months so I felt it was important to start building up her independence.

100% depends on the child, their friends and the area.

If all are ok then I'd have let her go to the park at an even younger age, as I think it's important for children to establish independence and conduct their friendships without being constantly supervised by adults.

At least we have the luxury of mobile phones now to keep in touch. I used to make mine take an old PAYG and tell them what time to be home.

Does she do anything independently of you?
I’m a bit at you sit and watch her in the park, how are you planning for her to get to high school?
Now is the time to encourage independence and making her own choices without mum always shadowing her.

Depends on the child, both my children are quite young for their ages and even now when I drop my 13 year old off to meet his friends in town I feel very on edge because although he is with friends there have been plenty of times they've said we're going now and have just left him on his own. My 11 year old daughter wants to go and meet friends but I just think she's too young/vulnerable at the moment I just don't think it is worth the risk.

Presumably your daughter goes to and from school alone. Does she go to the shops by herself? I did at eleven, before I was eleven, as did my children and going to the park without a parent was quite normal.

I started letting mine the first year of senior school. It’s hard to start with but get easier. I know where they are, can check snap chat maps if I want to check.

I would normally say yes to this question, but a while ago, one of my Grandsons was walking through a big park down South, he was walking along with his friend of the same age,as in 13 at the time, They had been cycling, but had both got off their bikes for a few minutes to look at something or other,.

Three lads, aged about 15 approached them, and started to hassle my Grandson and his friend. My grandson apparently had some kind of silver chain round his neck,and one of the lads yanked it off, another lad grabbed my grandsons newish bike,, and as the lad was bending down to steal my Grandsons bike. he noticed that this boy had a machete knife under his hoodie,. Grandson and his friend didn't stick around, but the bike was stolen, and the lads ran off,with one of them riding the bike. Grandson phoned his Dad and the police., The police went to grandsons house. but the bike was never recovered.

I think it depends on who she was going with and if she has a tracker on her phone at the very least.

I was fine with dd going into Central London to see her friends so they could hang about places where usually there would be loads of tourists and CCTV but I wouldn’t let her go to the park on her own. No CCTV and if she ended up on her own I really didn’t like the idea of her walking down a very quiet suburban street on her own with no witnesses if a car pulls up.

I know exactly how you feel. My 11 year old came home one day last week and asked to go to the shops and park with two friends, one who'd never done it before and one who's very streetwise. After a lot of discussions with DH and the mum of one of the friends, we decided she and that friend are very mature and sensible and that we'd allow it, with certain rules, which were we'd drop them off at the meeting place, they were allowed to go to the main section of the high street plus the nearby park, she had to have a tracker on her phone, and it would be 1.5 hours for the first time. We also thought the fact that the streetwise girl was going was quite a good thing because she's so used to going to the shops, crossing roads etc.

It all went fine. She checked in with us about 3 times (we hadn't asked her to do that) by video call, including one time to ask if they could go to another area but we said no to that. She was very responsible and sensible.

At that age, my mum was sending me to the local park by myself so I could walk the dogs!

It will be hard for her if all her friends are allowed and she's not.

1forAll74 that sort of thing has been going on for years. Happened to a cousin who had his chopper bike stolen and was beaten black and blue just for the hell of it. Only instead of a knife they had a gun. Probably only a starting pistol but given the neighbourhood we lived in it was most likely a real gun and cousin and his friends didn’t want to stick around to find out.

I am fairly anxious about this stuff, but i know that logically the problem lies with me and i need to let my DD10 stretch her wings.

I have insisted on her wearing a SpaceTalk (like a very cut back Apple Watch that has only a couple of contacts in it, and an SOS button). It also has a locator, so i can see on a map where she is. I don’t stalk her every move, but it stops me checking up by text when i can see her. It’s also useful if it starts raining or getting dark and i can go and give her (and her friends) a lift. It means she gets to go on her bike alone more too.

This device is a good stop gap before a ‘real phone’ in high school, and less likely to be stolen because its not seen as valuable. Easily hidden under her sleeve.

Various lockdowns have seen my DD take more healthy risks and gain a lot of independence. Needing time to myself has helped push me towards it too!

My 11 year old has been since lockdown last year (aged 10) she generally walks there with a pal via the sweet shop and may meet a couple of other kids there. it’s great for her to bond with her friends without parents looming and by Christ am I glad I don’t have to provide any “directed activities” when they’re just hanging out! Plus I like that she’s playing outside and not sat indoors.

I do insist there is at least one phone in the group though in case of emergency

So did DD never play out with friends during the summer holidays?

Can't comment on the safety of your specific park but learning how to entertain yourself and not rely on an adult directing an activity is a really important skill.

Now is the time to be encouraging the steps towards independence. It isn't something that will suddenly happen at 18, it needs to start now.