To ask the nanny not to have hot drinks whilst looking after the children?

[namechangedasouting]

We have a new part time nanny, currently settling in with out just 2 year old and 5 month old. I'm not back to the office for a couple of months but am WFH part time (hopefully, I will soon be able to be WFH on the nanny days, but currently I'm around to help most of the time whilst she's here).

We're on week 3 now, and there a few things which are making me a bit uncomfortable. She is drinking a lot of tea/coffee (at least 10 cups a day) which in itself is fine, but she leaves them accessible to my toddler. They are piping hot (freshly boiled water), not left to cool before being brought into reach. More than once I've had to pull DS away from the table they are at and ask her to move the mug. She is finding time to sit with the drinks instead of making an effort to interact with DS. He is pretty unsettled (new nanny but also other stuff happening as well) so is understandably a bit clingy, but I do feel that if she got down on the floor and started playing he would join her.

How should I approach this? Would IBU to ask her not to have hot drinks at all whilst she is around the toddler and baby? I'm not a tea/coffee drinker so may be underestimating how big an ask this is. I feel like I need to address the safety issue urgently, but also the decision to sit with feet up and a hot drink rather than interacting with the kids (again, if it were a couple of times a day it would be different, but it's at least once an hour).

Perhaps she works several jobs/is tired and also thought you would let her know more specifically when you were ready for her to take charge e.g. I've got some emails to do - could you take the kids out to the garden for an hour now. Couldn't you offer an alternative? Fizzy water say. And yes inform her that you want her to get down on the floor to model playing. And let her know that travel mugs are safer/open mugs are banned. Also explain that you want her to be proactive about getting your child and baby to spend more time with her by engaging with them.

First thing that came to my mind is she trying to fight off sleep? And if she is why??? Do you find she’s alert enough? Energetic enough? Can she really spend that length of time and give adequate care to your babies would be my question

One thing that other people don't seem to have picked up on is that she seems much better with your baby than your toddler. I wonder if she isn't really suited to looking after a toddler or two children at once?

I would echo everything that has been said about the hot drinks being within reach - no childcare professional should do that, but if you are around I wonder if she's somehow switching out of "nanny" mode and not thinking. It's still not good enough though, it really is very basic.

I wonder if a nursery would be better, you would have distinct care for the two children and all the staff keep an eye on each other, they have proper breaks so it's less stressful (and parents aren't there).

I suspect to 10 cups of tea a day is an exaggeration, but just because so many mums like to martyr themselves by "never" having time for a drink or never being able to go to the loo on their own, doesn't mean professionals can't.

However, I don't think I could get past the leaving the drinks in an unsafe place issue, especially after making the mistake once and being TOLD about it and then doing it again!

A frank discussion is required I feel - give her another couple of days - after that and then if you are still not happy - get rid.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, however you would have to ensure you give her specified coffee breaks. She may also feel a bit redundant whilst you are around. I would do a review and find out how she is feeling and point out your concerns.

Oh and phone the references!

Are you sure it’s 10 fresh cups a day and not 5? I ask this because I know people who were/are in caring professions who take ages over a cuppa because of their role so the drinks you see her with could be the ones she’s had for the last hour

You are being unreasonable to ask a nanny to not have hot drinks.

However, she should be playing with her charge, not sitting around with her feet up. An adult travel mug with a sealable lid is an acceptable compromise but they shouldn't be having more than three a day!

i'm a coffee lover and even i max out at 6 cups (that's if i even get the chance to have more than one or 2 now - whilst at the office next to the tea point with nothing to do but computer work it was much easier).

There are 2 sides here - firstly she sounds useless and if she is behaving like this when she is trying to impress you during probation i would worry about what she is like when you arent! Boiling cups near kids is a massive fail. I had a friend that always left her toddler pretend to sip from her empty mug when she had finished - i said it was only a matter of time before they did it while it was full and it was a bad idea but no, she said i was ridiculous. Few weeks later poor thing is in A&E with severe burns. Personally i taught mine from day one not to touch mugs at all - would tell them they were hot and not to touch and let them touch the side while i was holding the cup and yelped 'ouch hot!' as they touched it and they didnt go near one again. Mostly because i cant control what people do with mugs so i have to teach the kids to be the sensible one. I wouldnt feel happy that she would take any notice of the no hot drinks rule while you werent there anyway.

Secondly - maybe she feels un-needed while you are there, like there is nothing for her to do? Could you go into another room to work (honestly i would have to put up a nanny cam to keep an eye out) and say she is on duty while you work. To give some structure.

Honestly i would have to have a talk with her about it - might be she feels she cant do anything or it might be that she is lazy (she could come with great references if the other parents habvent seen her sitting around drinking tea ignoring the kids). But a nanny with experience would surely at the very least keep the tea out of reach. Did you follow up the references? Check they were real? Just sounds odd to me that she can have good refs and zero clue.

As a nanny, its hard to be playful with the kids whilst being watched by adults. I like playing with kids and being silly, but have never done it whilst my employers are there. Never thought about it and don't know why but think it's from being self conscious maybe. Address the hot drinks issue and then show you trust her. Good luck.

This person will need to make hundreds of decisions around safety on a daily basis. Eg, can DS walk alone or do I need to hold his hand so that he does not run into the road? Is this ledge a safe place to leave baby or might she fall off? Is this piece of food an okay size for DS or might it present a choking risk? Etc. The hot cup thing can maybe be resolved if you give her a closed mug but it does not solve the core problem -- which is that your nanny shows poor judgment when it comes to safety. This is non-negotiable. If you let this go and something happens to one of your children you will never forgive yourself.

Maybe you are being clingy and overbearing but I think this is because you don't feel safe leaving your children with her. With the right person I really think it would have gone differently.

Your title has me screaming "massively unreasonable"

Until I read the OP!

Having a hot drink etc mis morning/afternoon and possibly lunch is normal for most people. Whilst the children are sat having a snack.

I used to use a thermal closed cup when ds was that age.

But it doesn't sound like in general she's a good fit and worth paying for!

As for the clingy ness and interaction that'll always be different when your around than not because ds has a massive attachment to you - but she should at least be trying to engage and if she's not confident to be doing these things with you there I doubt she's confident when you aren't.

She sounds detached from her actual role. Is she interpreting nanny as money for being in the house so kids aren't alone cos I always thought a nanny should take an active role in building a relationship and engaging with the child.
A quick cuppa while child is resting (hot = out of reach of course!!) Is one thing. Making it a priority is another.
She sounds like she is taking the Mickey! I love tea and drink a lot, but 10! And never set it down within reach of a toddler!

I just can’t get over the 10 cups of tea - that’s making, drinking, and having a wee 10 times a day unless she’s got the bladder of a camel. That’s a huge amount of time focused around tea related activities. You’d get the sack if you did that in an office.

Drinks every hour...more or less. Get rid. Tell her nicely that mid morning and afternoon breaks are all very well but you don't want to be looking out for mugs if hot tea/coffee left in aces where a toddler might reach them.
It only takes a split second to do lasting damage.
Don't let being polite get in the way if your children's safety.
In any other job she wouldn't be having a constant flow of breaks/drinks. Her job is to care for, amuse and engage your children for the better part of the day.
She has to go, otherwise you are doing her job by having to keep checking on her.
Will you be comfortable returning to work and wondering if she's actually being responsible, because the children aren't able to tell you how often she took them out or played with them or messed about on her phone whilst they were dumped in front of the TV.

Sorry about typos.

Hot drinks and baby / toddler? NO! Not engaging - so what, just literally watching them? It’s been 3 weeks and she’s not suggested any transition strategies? Definitely get rid - just say if asked not a good fit, safety issues.
Also op, think of the questions you might need to ask future nannies that could illuminate their attitude to the issues this has raised.
If she were inexperienced I would say she’s un confident about taking over while you are around, but still, to drink 10 cups is excessive.

I think she shpuld be able to have hot drinks but what i did around granddaughter is have hot drink well away in kitchen. She should also be sitting on floir down at toddlers level, she doesnt sound satisfactory at all

Too many cups, too much caffeine. Hardly conducive to bring up baby and toddler. There is no need. Ask her if she has a thirst, and has she been checked for diabetes. If she is not over thirsty, it is quite in order for you to say that hot drinks in front of children is unwise. Why not buy single bottles of water and fruit juice for her, and the children? It may be a bit more expensive than litre bottles, but it is safer, and if there are single packs in your fridge, your nanny can help herself. She can hardly complain if she is offered an alternative which does not mean taking cold drinks from a large bottle. With employees like nannies, it is so much better, and it may be that she is drinking so much tea and coffee because it is just for her. You could also try buying some of those sachets of 'iced coffee'. That way she gets her coffee and the babies are safe.

I have not drunk tap water for years. I buy bottled water and everyone who comes in - helpers etc. know they can open a fresh bottle and put it in the fridge or take it with them if it is just a visit. I buy single fruit juice, and individual anything so people can snack while here.

ps How much of the time you are paying for is spent making tea and coffee?

She needs to go, she doesn’t sound right for you...

She sounds crap BUT... maybe she’s just uncomfortable whilst you’re there and can’t find her place in role. I would 100% address the tea issue -
Find a high place such as fireplace for her to keep a hot drink and tell her than in no circumstances must it be within reach - and then leave her alone to do the job she’s there to do. She’s probably only drinking so much as she doesn’t know what to do with her time as you are there parenting. Make sure it’s safe and then give her space to do her job.

Is she a proper nanny or a childminder?

10 cups of tea?
How many wee breaks?
Bin her

She doesn't sound right for your family. Find another. No point in stressing yourself out trying to over evaluate each time. Good luck 🤞

Still waiting for OP to explain how she knows the nanny is actually making '10 cups a day'