Anyone else married to a sulker (man child)?
Lollipop1234 · 02/05/2021 23:18
“D”h in a mood today, not sure what about. Maybe because we were going out for the day as a family and he didn’t want to go to the place we ended up deciding on. (Although he didn’t express a strong preference when we were deciding- said he didn’t mind).
Sulked all the way there in the car, saying he was “fine” although obviously not. Made a bug fuss about lunch arrangements, parking and the weather (it rained and ds8 had forgotten a coat). It was almost as if he wanted to ruin the day for all of us.
Ended up giving the older dcs (13 and 16) a mouthful of abuse for rudeness as they were trying to call out his obnoxious behaviour. I tried too but it just made things worse.
He ended up threatening to drive home and leave us all stranded to make our own way home. This was at 1ish and he’s still sulking upstairs. We finally managed to have an ok afternoon (me and the dc) with dh there but not interacting much, just hanging around in a mood. Then he has disappeared upstairs on getting home (like a stroppy teen) and had not spoken to a soul.
Normally he is fine, but we have had this happen before on days that should have been fun or meals out etc. It’s like he wants to ruin it and cannot hack any backchat or behaviour from the dcs which is anything less than perfect.
Have tried to ask what the reason for this type of behaviour is but to no avail. Have also racked my brain to think what may have caused it. Older dc (teen) was quite rude and cocky this morning but we dealt with that at the time and had moved on but he had to keep bringing that up again and again and can’t seem to let it lie. The rest of us snap out of things quickly.
I will not tolerate him being rude and obnoxious to the dc for no good reason and will point this out there and then. Should I bite my tongue and tolerate it? I feel if I don’t mention it at the time he will act like it never happened. He’s now acting like I am the one in the wrong and he is hard done by when all I said was please don’t speak to me and the dc in that tone and swear at them.
As he gets older his tolerance reduces and these “outbursts” of intolerance increase, usually when we try and have a nice day, although most of the time he is ok.
Sporranrummager · 02/05/2021 23:23
Wow @Lollipop1234 are you married to my ex?!
Could sulk for England in the twatolympics. His record was three weeks.
He would never tell me what I'd done wrong, I'd have to work it out and apologise. Only I stopped caring, so he'd ruin any outing to punish me.
Did you notice he's my ex?
Anyway it's not you, it's him.
You wouldn't put up with a child behaving like that, why should you put up with an adult doing it?
What are your children learning about healthy relationships?
themalamander · 03/05/2021 00:50
This is a thing. It's often because the day isn't about him; he's not the centre of attention or the day has not been designed around his preferences. He'll say he doesnt care all the way through the planning, but he's expecting you to make the choices you know he would like the most. When you dont, he'll punch the whole family for not making decisions based on his needs. Gets worse as kids get older, because they can voice their desires and make choices independently from him.
Does this sort of thing happen around other people's birthdays or days which are dedicated to something that isnt him?
themalamander · 03/05/2021 00:52
It's not rude to tell someone who is being obnoxious and horrible to everyone to stop being obnoxious and horrible to everyone. Doesnt matter if they're teenagers or his wife; if he is treating them like shit for no reason other than his own self importance, then they can tell him to stop it. It isnt rude.
OP, some people on mumsnet will twist themselves into a pretzel in order to excuse the unreasonable behaviour of men. Ignore them.
Sparklfairy · 03/05/2021 00:55
Depends what was said, but I think 13 and 16 is old enough to be able to speak up when a parent is being as out of line as this one is. Although it wouldn't surprise me if this DH is one that likes to stamp his feet and demand unquestioning respect as he's 'head of the household'.
nancy75 · 03/05/2021 00:57
My Dad is a sulker, I couldn’t tell you how many things my mum has had to cancel because of him sulking, lunches with their friends, other people’s birthday parties, even holidays.
A couple of years ago he sulked for the 9 weeks up to Xmas, on the day before Xmas Eve we were all tiptoeing round not knowing where Xmas would be & if he would be part of it.
My dad has got worse over the years & I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve told my mum to leave him.
Don’t put up with this, it doesn’t get better it gets worse
billy1966 · 03/05/2021 03:14
That will be what your children will remember from their childhood.
It is dreadful behaviour and absolutely abusive.
Unless the whole house revolves around him and what he wants, he will happily ruin any occasion.
Think long and hard about what this is doing to your children.
He will not be someone that they will have a firm attachment to.
The older they get the greater their realisation of what a selfish pig he is and the less they will respect and want to be around them.
They will come to a stage of wondering why you stayed.
timeisnotaline · 03/05/2021 04:45
Christ no you should not just live with it.
‘Your sulking is spoiling things that should be fun for our children and your yelling at our children for trying to point it out is not ok. I can’t make you listen and not blame me every time I try and bring it up, so I’ve decided I won’t have any more family days out with you until you’ve addressed this and talked to me and I am comfortable it won’t happen again. This weekend dc and I are going to do x and y, you are not invited. Obviously the longer this situation stays like this the more I am reconsidering our marriage.’
chouxfleur · 03/05/2021 07:34
You might find this thread interesting. A woman who decides to divorce her sulking husband:
BuddhaAtSea · 03/05/2021 07:37
I had one like that. Had!
Eventually it grinds you down. I learnt that he would be an absolute nightmare if my family or friends would visit, so it’s best not to. I took my DD and went myself. If we had big parties we were invited to, he would sulk in the corner, make people really uncomfortable etc.
I am so much happier. My friend popped in on Saturday to see me, spur of the moment, we had such a lovely time, even though I was about to go shopping for food and had no milk, I made do and gave her herbal tea, when she left I just went and did a quick shop, all good. If my exH was there, it would have been a nightmare, he would have interrupted with lots of: when are we going shopping (ie when I was going shopping), oh, Buddha should have told you not to come today/come tomorrow, we have no milk, slammed the doors, stand in the doorway and huff etc. Just awful.
Not worth it. Don’t put up with it.
BishBashBoshBush · 03/05/2021 07:40
He threatened to drive off and leave you all there??? He sounds dreadful. It's like emotional blackmail but you don't know what he wants. It's abuse. Good on the kids for calling him out.
I don't think I could stay with my DH if he repeatedly acted like this. What a horrible way to live.
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