to thin k women still teach their daughters

[Sallygoround631]

to marry into money?
as opposed to taking are of themselves first?

I see this often on MN, and it makes me sad:(

@Naunet

If I start a thread entitled “Are fathers still teaching their sons that women exist to skivvy for them?” How long before I get Not All Men posts and much rushing to males defence I wonder....

Less than 10 posts in i reckon...

My mum always taught me to have my own back up plan, and that whilst there's nothing wrong about marrying into money as such, I need to be able to stand independently! Big focus on education and being strong

Lots of people saying MN is generally pro financial independence and yes that is said a lot on here. But the number of SAHMs suggests otherwise.

@CarlottaValdez

Never had a dad.

To be honest I’ll teach my daughter to marry for love, but that marrying into money will enable her to have a more comfortable life, so perhaps aim for the two 🤣

I guess that can be achievable.

It’s possible to marry for love, and for money, whilst also being financially able to support yourself with your own smart career choices etc.

Why are posters denying that it is a frequently discussed view on MN? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2899571-AIBU-to-think-we-should-encourage-our-daughters-to-marry-well

@LemonRoses

Not a view I’ve seen anywhere. All children should be enabled to achieve an adequate income to support themselves and any family they choose to have.

You would think so, but sadly this isn't the case in reality.

I don't know any women who have married for money, or received this advice, but I do know hard working, independent, decently earning women who've had no option other than to be in relationships mainly for financial reasons, ie, they could not afford a roof over their heads if they were single.

Mines are naturally ambitious and eager to be financially independent. I teach them to keep away from lazy freeloaders

My Mum always told me never to rely on men to do anything for you, there’s always a chance they will be utterly useless or will just leave so make sure you’re protected. She’s never been married and always worked full time, quite fearlessly feminist. I’m raising my DD’s the same way.

@Parkperson because that same thread which is 4 years old has been quoted twice thus far, one zombie thread doesn't exactly reflect the common census, you'd need to look into SAHM threads and the like to really delve into this discussion and there is definitely an emphasis on independence in those.

I’ve never seen that on here.

*consensus

My mum never told me that. She is in her 50s.

However I did see the pain, stress and suffering my 'father' caused her with his cocklodging/debt/job shy ways which directly impacted the kind of man I made sure I wanted to find and spend my life with... so take from that what you will.

Me and DP both work very hard and have a very comfortable life now.

[quote Parkperson]Why are posters denying that it is a frequently discussed view on MN? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2899571-AIBU-to-think-we-should-encourage-our-daughters-to-marry-well[/quote]
One thread doesn't make it frequent?

I've not seen frequent threads on here on the topic. It's not something I was told to do, did do, or would tell my daughters to do.

Both threads are referenced by me. It was the first to come up in a search and it attracted so much attention. It was very popular at the time

@Parkperson with lots of opposing opinions too I imagine, I don't expect it was a thread containing 1000 replies on the value of marrying rich?

Never taught that by mum. Never taught that to my kids either. I wish I’d married my dh for miney but I didn’t. If you fall for someone rich then good for you!

Money... what’s that???????

@ForgedInFire

Well I'm not going to teach my daughters to marry money but I'm going to teach them to avoid broke bums. I don't see what's sad about that

Exactly. I'll be teaching them to stand on their own feet. But to marry someone wih prospects.

Theres nothing worse than working your arse off your whole life only to be brought down by a cocklodger with no ambition.

Everytime I read a story by a woman with 2 kids, was a SAHM and now on the cusp of divorce because her husband has cheated, fallen out of love or whatever; and she can't leave / doesn't know how to etc etc it really breaks my heart.

The only man I'd give up work / independence for would have to be Royal - so that whichever way it goes me and my kids are set up for life. Other than that I always encourage women to be able to stand on their own two feet.

Nope.

I’m teaching my son and my daughter to make their own money and be independent.

When it’s ages appropriate I’ll be teaching them both to be on a relationship for love and the peripheral material crap doesn’t matter.

Love and money are two separate things.

My DAD always told me ‘you can fall in love with a rich man just as easily you know’. He was quite old fashioned though and was super proud when I took myself off to university in the 70s.

Sorry I'm late to respond.
I have only seen this ON mums net to be honest, in fact I have never come across another UK website that contains so many posts which boast about 6 figure incomes - and it's always my DH has a 6 figure income!!! never it's ME who has the 6 figure income!

I have also witnessed MANY threads where women unanimously declare that they would not, under any circumstances, marry a man on a low income or god forbid, unemployed!

I have witnessed many threads with people crying about their daughters not marrying well.

I'd say it is rife on here, and those who protest so much on the contrary are....interesting.

If someone started a thread saying 'should I marry this man who is currently unemployed' we all know what the response would be. I mean, we all care about security, especially if we have kids, but it is evident to me that on here there is a massive focus on men with good bank accounts.

I also recall the 'regrets' thread, and notice many on the relationships board.
A substantial mount of regrets involved having low confidence, never following a good career and being stuck with a shitty husband (who always had the cash).

Pretty much every day there are posts from women who put all their eggs into one basket: husband neglects or abuses them or has an affair, and she can't leave him because 'we'd have nowhere to go!!!!'

Woman are absolutely still (even if subtly) encouraged to choose wealthy men.

I think there's a big difference between "encouraging to marry into money" and "encouraging not to marry a complete waster who takes advantage of you". I think MN has the latter, not the former. However in RL I notice that boy teens are encouraged to choose study options which will get them good jobs, whereas girl teens are told to study a subject they find interesting regardless of whether it is relevant to any future job/career.

I have also witnessed MANY threads where women unanimously declare that they would not, under any circumstances, marry a man on a low income or god forbid, unemployed!

That is not in any way a comparison to saying you have to 'marry into money'.

I wouldn't marry a man with no ambition, no work ethic or no desire to fund a comfortable life for himself. It's not that I want to 'gain' money from him, it is that he would be equal to me in what I wanted from life.