to thin k women still teach their daughters

[Sallygoround631]

to marry into money?
as opposed to taking are of themselves first?

I see this often on MN, and it makes me sad:(

Really? I'm 40 and was never told to marry into money. Marry someone who has a work ethic and have a work ethic yourself perhaps. I had a very working class upbringing where I was never really expected to make a lot of money mind you.

I know no one advising that.

I am advising my girls to work hard at school, aim for a career, keep working and to be independence. I have told them to think very carefully about whether they should bother with marriage and children, and not to get side tracked by what everyone else is doing. if they do decide to go for it make sure that their chosen partner is kind, has the same values and will want to be an equal participant in their life together

This, in spades.

I know of a couple of women who were told that by their mums. My mum on the other hand told me to always be self sufficient and always have an exit out of a relationship. Never get trapped financially.

My parents expected me to settle down with a man who could 'take care of me'. They have been very critical of the fact that I am the sole earner in my family, and my husband is a SAHD. Many underhand comments about him being emasculated and me needing 'more security'.

So people who think this are out there. And no, I do not see much of my parents.

No! I came from a poor background, am a much harder worker than my brother and the higher earner in my household ( even on a 4 day week). I married for love. I am sure there are some savvy/desperate/material good obsesses( all seperate paths there to the same end) women who marry solely for money but it’s not because their mum taught them, it’s because society showed them that was the way to meet their aims.

I certainly won’t be teaching my DD that. It’s such an outdated view.

To be entirely fair by my late 20s I had a good career and my own house. I wouldn't have considered marrying a chap who was going to freeload or one without prospects.

Growing up it was assumed I'd get a job out of school until I got married and had children. My mother encouraged me to gain skills that would be useful in a part time job which fitted around my husband and family.

However, at a young age I figured out she was very unhappy and financially dependent on/controlled by my father. So I started making plans and have been financially independent since I was 18. I put myself through university and although I did go part time when dd was young I now earn the higher wage and own my own successfully business using my degree.

My daughter has always been taught to follow her own interests and to get a qualification and career in something she loves. I'm hoping I've impressed upon her that her career is just as important as any man's.

Interestingly, at her prep school there were many mum's who used to 'joke' about their daughters "marrying well". The belief that you should be dependent on a man definitely still exists.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2899571-AIBU-to-think-we-should-encourage-our-daughters-to-marry-well

This thread (1,000) attracted a lot of attention for the same premise

That belief definitely still exists. But look at how often it backfires.

Gosh I wish my mother did, now I wouldn’t be so poor 🤣.

No idea which mumsnet you’re on.

Gosh I wish my mother did, now I wouldn’t be so poor

Equally a shame your mum didn’t!

Sorry I mean your dad didn’t!

To be entirely fair by my late 20s I had a good career and my own house. I wouldn't have considered marrying a chap who was going to freeload or one without prospects.

Yes I think whilst I would never encourage my children to "marry well" or to make any decisions for themselves based on their partner's earning potential, I likewise would encourage caution against someone who perhaps wasn't committed to financial security shall we say. I'm not saying have a "minimum income threshold" but ensure they value security and not someone who is a bit flaky that could be a financial risk.

I have never experienced anyone even mentioning this ever.

I am a hopeless gold digger personally I turned down the son of one of England’s wealthiest oldest families to go out with dh to this day he shakes his head in disbelief 😁.

My niece, only grandchild, only child of an only child, only niece to child free Auntie will be the one with money. She will need to be taught about cock lodgers when she's older and how to avoid.

Yeah I’m totally teaching my daughter to marry into money, what with putting myself through college, making sure she’s got working role models around her and doing near enough everything including raising her single handedly. All I want for her is to marry a rich man and never have to work a day in her life

Back in the real world, she sees how hard I’ve pushed myself to get qualifications so I can make a better life for her. She sees me rarely accepting help from my partner, but also sees the fact that he would help in a heartbeat if I asked for it (and even if I’ve not asked for it when he knows things are rough and I’m being too proud). That’s what I’m actually teaching her, fend for herself first but if things are rough it’s ok to ask for and accept help. Money means very little at the end of the day.

No. My mum was a single mother, working full time. I watched her graft. I was encouraged to achieve academically and to pursue my passions but also to ensure that I was financially secure on my own. I love my husband. I choose to be with him. But, I don't 'need' him.

My mum taught me to always make sure I could eat, keep my own roof over my head and pay my bills. She was born in 1932. Oh and to never trust a man with thin lips and who could not cook me a nice meal 🥰

@Sallygoround631

to marry into money? as opposed to taking are of themselves first?

I see this often on MN, and it makes me sad:(

I've never really seen that view expressed in MN. More likely to see the opposite stance - ensure young women are financially independent so they don't have to rely in a man in the future, as no one knows what might happen. Also commented to protect themselves financially when married just in case.

I know a woman who tells her DD to always provide for and look after herself, but shows her that having a man is the most important thing in the world and any amount of financial risk and personal unhappiness is to be born to keep him.

If I start a thread entitled “Are fathers still teaching their sons that women exist to skivvy for them?” How long before I get Not All Men posts and much rushing to males defence I wonder....

From a very early age I have encouraged my daughters to be financially independent (like me) - that way they can choose whether to remain in a relationship or not (I am happily with their Dad, and we both know we are together because we want to be, not because we have to be)

[quote Cocopogo]@OldScrappyAndHungry I’m surprised you think that. It’s very common for people to say to their daughters nope you’re not having a boyfriend until your 35 or you’re going to be a nun when your older or other such things and shut down any conversations about men.
When I’ve spoken to my friends without their DC present they have expressed concerns about their daughters future with regards to domestic violence or dating apps or porn habits etc.[/quote]
I true;y don't know anyone who has even told their daughters (or sons for that matter) that.

I've seen the odd video clip on Facebook, etc with some (usually) American an dads telling their young daughters they can't have boyfriends until they are 35, but never seen or heard of it in real life.