AIBU?
AIBU to consider my future with DP - having Children
ChristmasAlone · 02/05/2021 17:08
Me and DP have an amazing relationship, very rarely argue. Share many of the same interests and hobbies. Being together at home every day for the last year was a bit stressful for obvious reasons but besides that I couldn't be happier. Genuinely would say we are best friends and I couldn't imagine finding anybody that I would be happier with.
However I would like children one day and DP is just not interested in having them. I think they'd make a good parent, they don't think so - think a lot stems from their relationship with their own parents. When we first got together 8 years ago we spike about kids - we jokingly named them. But when ever it comes up in a serious conversation it's very clear they don't want any.
Obviously I wouldn't honey trap dp and just get pregnant as I feel that is immoral. But I'd love to have children in the not to distant future and I know deep down they won't change their mind.
Would I be stupid to leave the person I love in the pursuit of having children?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
georgarina · 02/05/2021 17:15
Hmm, if that's how they feel I'd bet on them sticking to it - even if they agree to something vague in the future it could keep getting pushed back and back (maybe next year, maybe in a couple years but not now...), and you don't want to lose your chance if it's something you really want.
I think you need to have a conversation and explain how important this is to you, so you can both decide together what to do. Because one of you will have to compromise or you'll have to split, I guess. (And like I said, if they agree to some time in the future it has to be clear what that means, so it's not something that can just stay in the future until it's too late.)
MinnieMountain · 02/05/2021 17:28
Leave your DP. It’s sad but having/not having children is such an important decision.
I know one couple who have stayed together despite this incompatibility, but one made a clear decision that they loved their DP more than hypothetical children with someone else. You don’t sound like that.
LouHotel · 02/05/2021 17:29
I don't mean this in a catty way but do you having any commitment with your partner of 8 years?
No signs of wanting marriage or children as much as either of those could be your choice, if it driven by one person it tends to show he is keeping his options open.
Your fertility goes downhill from now OP this isn't a decision for a years times and an answer of him of waiting till your 35 will ultimately lead to him changing his mind again and the probability of you not having your desired children.
ChristmasAlone · 02/05/2021 17:31
@LouHotel
No signs of wanting marriage or children as much as either of those could be your choice, if it driven by one person it tends to show he is keeping his options open.
Your fertility goes downhill from now OP this isn't a decision for a years times and an answer of him of waiting till your 35 will ultimately lead to him changing his mind again and the probability of you not having your desired children.
Mortgage which has always been 50/50 split interms of deposit and monthly payments
Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 17:31
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TimeForTeaAndG · 02/05/2021 17:34
Why are you using "they"? Do they ask for people to use they/them or are you trying to hide their gender for some reason?
Does it matter? OP might be a man. It might be 2 men, 2 women, a transman and woman, what difference does it make?
OP wants kids and the partner doesn't. The gender of either doesn't really need to come into it.
ChristmasAlone · 02/05/2021 17:43
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Post deleted as it quotes a deleted post.
DrSbaitso · 02/05/2021 17:44
@TimeForTeaAndG
Does it matter? OP might be a man. It might be 2 men, 2 women, a transman and woman, what difference does it make?
OP wants kids and the partner doesn't. The gender of either doesn't really need to come into it.
If OP is a man, there's more time to think about it.
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