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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to consider my future with DP - having Children

155 replies

ChristmasAlone · 02/05/2021 17:08

Me and DP have an amazing relationship, very rarely argue. Share many of the same interests and hobbies. Being together at home every day for the last year was a bit stressful for obvious reasons but besides that I couldn't be happier. Genuinely would say we are best friends and I couldn't imagine finding anybody that I would be happier with.

However I would like children one day and DP is just not interested in having them. I think they'd make a good parent, they don't think so - think a lot stems from their relationship with their own parents. When we first got together 8 years ago we spike about kids - we jokingly named them. But when ever it comes up in a serious conversation it's very clear they don't want any.

Obviously I wouldn't honey trap dp and just get pregnant as I feel that is immoral. But I'd love to have children in the not to distant future and I know deep down they won't change their mind.

Would I be stupid to leave the person I love in the pursuit of having children?

OP posts:
CallMeCleo · 06/05/2021 18:33

YABU to repeatedly call your man "they".

ChameleonKola · 06/05/2021 18:35

Can’t stop scratching my head in bemusement at this too: “Men love their babies when they see them”

Ah yes, that’s why there are no known cases of men running off and abandoning their families, leaving within the first year and having nothing to do with their child, failing to bond with their baby, and so forth. Men always come around when the baby they’ve been duped into arrives, don’t they?

My husband loved our son from the moment we got a positive test because he was planned and wanted. I really, truly feel for your husband and children. How awful it must be to know deep down you only managed to have kids by tricking a guy into it. It’s certainly a high risk approach, only you're gambling not just with your own life.

You just cannot be real.

DeadlyMedally · 06/05/2021 18:59

@Egghead81

*I hate to say it, but it's very common for a man to tell a woman he doesn't want kids, allow her to accept it, then leave and have kids with someone else once her clock has run down.*

My children’s father said that before meeting me he’d never wanted children. Ever.

He said he met me, fell in love and suddenly was desperate for children.

It happens quite often I suspect

Maybe, but you have every child of a single mother with a father they rarely/never see as a counter argument (me and a lot of my friends are in that category). The father of one of my close friends ran off with another woman when my friend was at University and he hasn't heard from him since.
DeadlyMedally · 06/05/2021 19:01

Sorry, meant to quote @Crystal90567 there

TheNinny · 06/05/2021 19:16

If you really want kids then i would leave and consider sperm donation if you dont find a partner who wants the same after a definitive time. Partners can always be changed or come along down the line...unfortunately fertility cant.

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