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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Losing friends due to who I'm marrying

551 replies

coppafeel · 02/05/2021 15:09

I'm due to marry someone, I hate to use the word 'famous' so I will say someone 'well known' - a D list celeb if you may. We are due to get married in December. Been with him for 2 years and throughout those 2 years I have been lost really good or so I thought, friends.

He is very controversial figure and so many of my friends have opinions about his views and can't even tolerate him for me. I'm at a loss of what to do, my friends were my life and were there for me through all the bad times but they have turned on me since meeting my partner. I can't just not be with the man I love because of their views but I don't understand why they cannot separate his views from me.

What can I do here?

OP posts:
balloonsandboobies · 02/05/2021 15:48

@DarkMutterings

So are his views so extreme because that's how he earns a living or maintains his D list celeb status? Many celebs act a role as that's what is expected of them versus it being their real views. But ultimately the public persona is what they are judged on.

Either way it's a big impact on your life and the life of any kids ( I always feel sad for Katie Hopkins' kids) so really do you want to sign up to that life?

But both are equally awful. I really dislike people who say controversial things to get a rise out of people, or for the shock value. There are a couple of those in DHs family and I have zero respect or time for them.
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/05/2021 15:48

Laurence Fox? Tbh I’m not sure he believes what he says half the time-I think he is just out for attention.
But yes I would probably judge you though wouldn’t cut you from my life if you were a good friend.

Original poster
coppafeel · 02/05/2021 15:48

Mainly about race and how Covid has been managed by the government. I can't really say much more than that. However, he is not racist I can categorically say that.

OP posts:
MadeOfStarStuff · 02/05/2021 15:48

YABU

If otherwise good, loyal friends can’t stand your partner and his extreme views, then you should listen to them. If you won’t, you have to accept that being with someone who has extreme views will mean people naturally assume you share those views and judge you accordingly.

CommunistLegoBloc · 02/05/2021 15:49

He's got controversial views on race but he's not a racist...? Ok

JudgeRindersMinder · 02/05/2021 15:49

*Mostly about race but he’s not racist....how does that work?🤔

EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology · 02/05/2021 15:50

they are strong political views on the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than what my friends are

I was reminded of Ernie Wise, but he's dead.

debwong · 02/05/2021 15:50

Is it Alex Salmond?

beachsidecafe · 02/05/2021 15:50

If you love and care about him, and do not find his view difficult to cope with, then you should get married and enjoy your life together.

Your friends are being immature, and are probably not real friends if they are willing to lose their friendship with you over political differences. To my mind, they should support you regardless of who you marry. You are not asking them to change their views, only to respect yours and your future dh. Everyone is entitled to their own views. It is a free country.

So I would drop those friendships, and let them live in their echo chamber. The chances are they were not life long friends anyway. Make some new friends that care more about you as person than politics.

Time to say goodbye to them.

LouiseTrees · 02/05/2021 15:50

Name change and then post an AIBU about considering getting into a relationship with and give your actual fiancé’s name. You’ll get a feel for what people in general think about him and what you might be missing.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/05/2021 15:50

@coppafeel

Mainly about race and how Covid has been managed by the government. I can't really say much more than that. However, he is not racist I can categorically say that.
Well, I couldn't tolerate that. If he kept these views to himself, fair enough, if he is banging on about it then I'd distance myself too if I was your friend.
EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology · 02/05/2021 15:50

Is that you, India?

Original poster
coppafeel · 02/05/2021 15:51

It was in relation to the BLM movement, he had differing opinions on that situation but he is not racist, he just didn't agree with it.

OP posts:
MadeOfStarStuff · 02/05/2021 15:51

“Strong views about race” but not racist? Hmm riiiiight

If you’re with a well known racist people will assume you’re racist as well, do you really want that?

Doomsdayiscoming · 02/05/2021 15:51

@coppafeel

Mainly about race and how Covid has been managed by the government. I can't really say much more than that. However, he is not racist I can categorically say that.
That fact you have to categorically say that is not a good place to be.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/05/2021 15:52

Hmm. Controversial views about race but not racist. OK.

Moonwhite · 02/05/2021 15:52

I have no idea for example how Piers Morgan still has a wife!

You don't know her history then. She's from a super conservative family, loves that stuff. She's participated in bullying Meghan too.

He probably delivers all his hateful bollocks while thinking "I'm definitely getting some tonight!"

Roussette · 02/05/2021 15:52

I would be seriously worried to be with someone who all my friends found his views awful.
He mus be very extreme for this to have happened.

WhatMattersMost · 02/05/2021 15:52

@coppafeel

Mainly about race and how Covid has been managed by the government. I can't really say much more than that. However, he is not racist I can categorically say that.
Do you love him? Do you get on well together? Does he treat you and others with respect, his views notwithstanding? Can you handle being unpopular for making an unpopular choice? (Just because a choice or a view is popular, it doesn't make it right.)

Then go for it.

EdwinPootsLovesArchaeology · 02/05/2021 15:52

Oh, does he not 'see' race? Riiiiiiight.

CommunistLegoBloc · 02/05/2021 15:52

He didn't agree with Black people utilising their democratic right to demonstrate against systematic racism and abuse that literally kills them?

Sirzy · 02/05/2021 15:53

I would be worried about the fact they all seem to have concerns, I would also be concerned that you need to point out so much he isn’t racist.

Ultimately who you marry is your choice but make sure it’s the right choice

Hoppinggreen · 02/05/2021 15:53

Controversial views on race =racist
And what is this “differing opinion” on BLM? If he says “ALM” then I’m with your friends

GulliBelle · 02/05/2021 15:53

Owen Jones? I note the op has not identified their gender.

But it isn't so much OJ's, politics, it is more that that he is a massive attention -seeking twat.

Ivebeeninlockdowntoolong · 02/05/2021 15:53

@GertiMJN

I'm baffled by your relationship OP. How can you contemplate a lifelong commitment to a man who's strong political views "go over your head". What do you talk about? How are you compatible? I'm not saying partners need to agree on everything but his views are clearly an essential part of who he is. And these views do not go over the heads of your friends- they understand and dislike him for those views.
This whole thread is very strange, I'm wondering if the OP has made it up. However if it is true, I'm more curious about the information the OP is has not disclosed about this relationship.

So all we know about this person is that they have strong political views that "go over your head" - so clearly there's one fundamental area to start with, where you appear not to be compatible.

OP, maybe you can explain - why are you marrying this man? Do you genuinely love him? What do you see in him? Or are you not really that keen on him but are content to go along with his strong views (and marry hime) because you're dazzled by his fame?

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