Losing friends due to who I'm marrying

[coppafeel]

I'm due to marry someone, I hate to use the word 'famous' so I will say someone 'well known' - a D list celeb if you may. We are due to get married in December. Been with him for 2 years and throughout those 2 years I have been lost really good or so I thought, friends.

He is very controversial figure and so many of my friends have opinions about his views and can't even tolerate him for me. I'm at a loss of what to do, my friends were my life and were there for me through all the bad times but they have turned on me since meeting my partner. I can't just not be with the man I love because of their views but I don't understand why they cannot separate his views from me.

What can I do here?

Obviously you can't say who you are marrying, but it might help if you describe what sort of camp your friends are in... whether they are diehard Remainers, trans activists or Jehovah's Witnesses, for example.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

In most circumstances I think it's absolute madness to condemn someone on the basis of their partner's views. Married couples don't only have one brain between them. It's perfectly possible to marry and still maintain your own independence of thought, otherwise why did the suffragists bother to waste their time?

The one exception I can see is choosing to stand by someone who has abused children. There's one, notable 'z list' example I can think of in that category. That, I would judge.

Otherwise it's tantamount to the kind of married couples I laugh at who can't maintain any independence of thought, word and deed. These are sort frequently heard to say 'WE think ...'

Ridiculous.

I do agree with this, but again I think it really depends on the views. Racism is a very prominent one at the moment, many people can't seem to accept that black people and other minorities are treated like lesser humans based on their skin or nationality. So if someone was bleating on about 'all lives matter' whilst their partner looked on blank-eyed because 'they just don't get politics', I'd think they were both fucking numpties.

If someone has a controversial view, but can debate it in a critical manner I'm less sure I could be judgmental of one or both of the couple. Sometimes people these days hear a view and instantly jump to 'that is the WRONG opinion, goodbye!' without applying any reasonable discourse.

Nigel Farage is generally a twat though. Don't marry him, op.

Is it Kim-Jong sun?

Your friends are not really fitness

Or

Your fiancé is a twat

Friends!

LF is C list, surely?

His "views" must be extreme if all of your friends are in agreement so I don't understand how they don't seem to bother you. Not all my friends vote for the same political party but I know that all of them would find certain things abhorrent (such as racism) or we wouldn't even be friends. So I find it hard to believe these things " go over your head" op. Hasn't your fiancée started a conversation with you to find out your opinions? Also you knew that we'd be asking who he is and for examples of his wonky thinking. Nah not buying it.

Maybe it’s David Icke?

Still with your friends if so.

Yeah I dislike Eddie because he's sold women down the river but I don't think he's controversial to most people - my mum loves him!

It depends what his political views are really.

If he’s say a passionate Tory and they are passionate Labour that is very different to if he is SFP or BNP (is that even still a party?! I’m not into politics either) for example.

It’s hard to say if they are unreasonable without knowing what his mystery ‘political views’ actually are.

So if someone was bleating on about 'all lives matter' whilst their partner looked on blank-eyed because 'they just don't get politics', I'd think they were both fucking numpties.

Fair point.

@iklboo

Is it Kim-Jong sun?

Brilliant!

Laurence Fox was my first thought. Might need to cultivate a new set of friends who will tolerate your husband to be.

Richard Littlejohn?
Nick Griffin?
Roy Chubby Brown?
Jim Davidson?

I've pulled away from friends because of their chosen DPs, but to ditch them entirely and to have it happen repeatedly, it must be quite extreme.

Can you give us an idea of what kind of views your DP has so we can gauge this?

@coppafeel

I wouldn't say his views are abhorrent, but they are strong political views on the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than what my friends are. I'm not very politically minded so his views go over my head and if they were vile they would not. They just have different views but somehow I am being vilified for them. Also no he doesn't say them to be controversial they are just his opinions, however, has received a lot of backlash for them.

Nah...

His opinions are vile, I don’t even need to know what they are to know that - controversial means vile.

No-one gets actual backlash for saying stuff like, business tax is too low, we should raise them to put money into public services or conversely the opposite of business tax is too high and we should lower them to promote growth. They’re opposing opinions from the opposite side of the political sphere... people may or may not disagree with them, but they’re not controversial and wouldn’t get any actual backlash.

So his opinions must be awful or they’re not worth anyone paying attention to.

MarieIVanArkleStinks
I disagree. When we choose to marry someone we are accepting who they are and choosing to associate with it.
There will be loads of couples out there that have different religious beliefs, vote for different political parties and will have different opinions on a range of issues, but most would fall into the broad middle ground of moderate views on either side.
When people start expressing concerns about someone's views it is rarely because they have a different set of fairly middle of the road views. It's usually because at least one person has more extreme views that are probably out of step with most moderate thought.

Either all OP's friends are extremists who hate people for voting for a different political party, or OP's partner is the extreme one.

So are his views so extreme because that's how he earns a living or maintains his D list celeb status? Many celebs act a role as that's what is expected of them versus it being their real views. But ultimately the public persona is what they are judged on.

Either way it's a big impact on your life and the life of any kids ( I always feel sad for Katie Hopkins' kids) so really do you want to sign up to that life?

I don't understand why they cannot separate his views from me

Well, if you marry someone who holds extremist views, the only explanation is that you don't disagree with them that strongly. I'm guessing, for example, that if your fiance believed paedophilia was harmless and supported lowering the age of consent to five, you wouldn't stay with him. There are some subjects that a couple can't simply agree to disagree on. You'd need to give us some indication of which of his political views your friends are objecting to before we can judge. Is this about race? Women's rights? Disability allowance?

is it Piers Corbyn?

@Wizzbangfizz

If a friend of mine was marrying James O'Brien I couldn't have anything to do with them

Really? I’d be delighted! (He is already married anyway).

If he was known to have racist/misogynistic/homophobic or xenophobic views I couldn't get passed any of those.
Or vocally an anti masker/anti vaxx I would struggle but get on with it.

Would he describe himself as D-list?

I would really question whether this was the right life partner.

What do your family think of him?

If multiple good friends are prepared to give you up because of your partner's views you really need to be asking yourself what you're missing

Do you think they are all misunderstanding the poor chap