Losing friends due to who I'm marrying

[coppafeel]

I'm due to marry someone, I hate to use the word 'famous' so I will say someone 'well known' - a D list celeb if you may. We are due to get married in December. Been with him for 2 years and throughout those 2 years I have been lost really good or so I thought, friends.

He is very controversial figure and so many of my friends have opinions about his views and can't even tolerate him for me. I'm at a loss of what to do, my friends were my life and were there for me through all the bad times but they have turned on me since meeting my partner. I can't just not be with the man I love because of their views but I don't understand why they cannot separate his views from me.

What can I do here?

@coppafeel you've said that he has controversial views about race but that he's categorically not racist. That's a contradiction in terms. You've already said that his views go over your head. So how do you actually justify that his views aren't racist?

Are you marrying Laurence Fox???

You know when someone says - I’m not racist, but... it means they are in fact racist.

Actually, I've just re-read your post. When you say how Covid has been managed by the government I assumed you meant 'it's all a hoax/ plot by the government to make us conform/anti-vax/anti-lockdown' type stuff. It could mean he is pissed off with Johnson giving contracts to all his mates which I wouldn't call extreme.

I was probably right the first time.

It was in relation to the BLM movement, he had differing opinions on that situation but he is not racist, he just didn't agree with it

Ho hum... not a racist then, just doesn't believe in Black Lives Matter

BLM is about wanting equality for black people. So if someone "doesn't agree" with it then I'd be concerned.

@coppafeel

It was in relation to the BLM movement, he had differing opinions on that situation but he is not racist, he just didn't agree with it.

Ohhh do I get a badge for guessing the subject correctly? Yeah, I'd dump you both as well if I were your friends. The movement was important, and whilst aspects of it certainly were not acceptable (including much from woke white people), 'all lives matter' twits and their 'I just don't get it, lol' partners would definitely be off my Christmas card list.

Sorry, just seen the he's not racist, but update.
The ex Mr Billie Piper for sure.

Your friends dislike him because of his views on race, which are non-racist? So, your friends are racist?

@beachsidecafe, if one of your best friends married Anjem Chaudhury or Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, would you really have no problem with that? Would you really be happy to go to dinner with them and more importantly, have them come to your house and socialise with your other friends?

I have friends from all points along the political spectrum, from actual ex-Socialist Workers Party to true-blue Tory, but none of them are vile extremists. I couldn't be friends with that.

It kind of depends what you mean by 'tolerate him for me'.

I agree with you that in principle, we put up with friends having less than lovely SOs to a certain extent and that's a good thing.

But I'd probably struggle if one of my friends got together with someone whose views were harmful. There are definitely people out there who I wouldn't tolerate even for a friend. I consider myself a really loyal friend but I think who someone is with tells you something about them and I might be either dismayed that my friend didn't seem to have the values I thought, in which case I might question the friendship, or just repulsed by my friend being OK with whatever the particular unpleasantness of this person was.

In general, if one of my friends got together with someone who was an asshole or who I found unpleasant to spend time with I'd definitely be looking for ways to spend time alone with my friend rather than spending time with them as a couple. So, by 'tolerate him for me' do you mean spending time with you both together (could be a tall order) or keeping the friendship going while avoiding your fiancé?

Is it Idriss Deby? Because your friends have a point, if so.

My pea like brain is now wrestling with controversial views about race but not racist? I genuinely would like to know what they are. We have become so polarised.

@username12345T

Is it Idriss Deby? Because your friends have a point, if so.

He's dead...

Deffo Lozza.

He loathes BLM and is very anti mask, anti lockdown... anti anything actually.

p.s. OP could you tell him... does he realise Count Binface is going to beat him on Thursday and I can't wait!

So he doesn’t think Black Lives Matter? 🤔🤔 Or he doesn’t think racism is a problem? Sorry OP but that’s definitely racist..

What have your friends done to you @coppafeel?

Which bit goes over your head OP?

What exactly do your friends say is a problem?

Clearly he doesn't just 'not agree' with BLM, but he must be speaking out about it regularly enough to piss all your friends off.

Sorry to tell you, your 'd' p is, in fact, a blatant racist, who speaks openly about it.

@CleanAndPaidFor

The future Mrs Lozza Fox? If you were my friend I'd dump you too if that's the case.

I thought the same!

I personally don’t think you BU.

Sure he’s a famous twat. But people marry twats all the time?

I mean - racist bollox aside - why would anyone marry LF - knowing who he really is - an over privileged man baby with huge ex wife issues who failed as an actor, failed as a musician and is now failing as a politician - what a catch!

Maybe he thinks BLM but the way it played out wasn't great

Thats not really massively controversial though is it?

@coppafeel id like to know how you can confidently say that he's categorically not racist, when his views about BLM are so controversial that your friends have decided they no longer want to spend time with you...

Women have been marrying unsavoury men since the dawn of time. I find it odd that most of what he says goes over your head.