AIBU to feel awkward at this type of joke?

[Gullible2021]

I’m an MNer, just namechanged (Sistine screamer, softzilla, snapped and farted).

Is it just me who ends up feeling a bit embarrassed and never knows how I’m supposed to react when I’m joked with in the following manner?

I placed an food order today at a local independent food bar via an app. I received a message saying it would be ready at x time.

I arrived, there were about 5 staff there and I think one customer (he was standing around in front of the counter chatting with staff). I said “hello, I’ve come to pick up my order, please. It’s for Jane.”

Dead pan, one of the staff said in quite a haughty tone;

“Yeah, that won’t actually be ready for collection for another 45 minutes to an hour I’m afraid.”

I was quite confused, I’d travelled a fair distance and it would be out of my way to come back, and I got my phone out to check I hadn’t made a mistake. I said,

“I’m really sorry...the app said to come at this time. Just give me a sec, I can show you.”

And he was just staring at me and there was an awkward silence. Then the man I think was a customer said,

“Look love, I know his sense of humour, he’s having you on!”

I looked back up and the man who worked there who made the “joke” wordlessly handed me my meal. It had been right next to him behind the counter the whole time. The other people present laughed. I felt really stupid. A couple of people said “haha your face was a picture” type comments. I kind of wanted the ground to swallow me up. Only one (female perhaps unsurprisingly!) member of staff said “that was weird, what is he like?”

It was only when I got in my car I realised that really it wasn’t actually funny, joke or not and surely the purpose of that kind of joke is just to embarrass the customer rather than actually involve them in something that’s genuinely fun?

I’ve also experienced similar when ordering in restaurants etc

“Please can I have the tomato soup to start with?”

“I’m really sorry we don’t have any.”

“Ok, I’ll have the halloumi then.”

“No halloumi either!”

“Oh...right...erm I’ll just go straight to the main...”

“Haha I’m only joking!!! What is it you want soup or halloumi? Your face was hilarious there!”

And even with friends I’ve have similar experiences through the years. Am I just really humourless or easily embarrassed, or is it actually just about taking the piss out of someone and laughing at their expense?

My Mother does this type of thing to me all the time

I have very little to do with her anymore

I hate this kind of thing too OP. It's definitely not funny. How is humiliation funny? I don't get it, it's a twatish thing to do to someone.

I worked in a bar for a while and it happened so often. Going to give me the money then pulling their hand away, was a favourite. Making up problems in the Loos, so I'd have to go in the Men's, haha fucking ha! God I always hated those kinds of men, they all thought they were hilarious and I just thought they were wankers.

@Khle34 Thankyou... I actually messaged him privately and called him out on his behaviour.. I made him apologise which he did!!

Not funny at all, I'd actually complain or leavea negative review

This happened to me just the other week. We were on a night out (I’m in Australia) and I walked up to the security guard at the door and asked if he knew where are certain restaurant inside the venue was. He said yep I do. And just stood there grinning. Simply to embarrass me in front of my friends for not asking properly. So then I had to say”.....sooooo could you please tell me where it is??”
So weird. I’ve actually been on the receiving end of this so many times in my life I’ve lost count. Absolutely hate these kinds of jokes.

The main crime is that it’s just not funny. You could make anything up. Quite often with these kinds of jokes I pick up that they’re “joking” from the start but even then I don’t know how to handle it as it’s just something annoying I have to go through to get a service I need. They also think you owe them a laugh or you’re humourless not to laugh at it.

God some of you lot are so touchy and miserable. It wasn’t the greatest joke in the world but meh, we all have different senses of humour. I would of laughed when I realised he was having me on.

@Nitpickpicnic

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

No idea why MNHQ have withheld my supportive and carefully-thought out post from your thread, OP.

I promise you that is an MNHQ message, and not mine. I did use a rude word about the guy in the shop, but not half as sweary as I see regularly on here? Annoying!

I think people that make these sort of jokes lack emotional intelligence. Just let it wash over you, it was neither funny nor personal. The joker was just showing off to his work colleagues 'what's he like' they've obviously seen him do similar a lot. Just buy food somewhere else and leave a snarky review on social media. If it is recorded and public it gives his bosses ammunition if he trips up in the future.

@Phineyj

Mostly men do this to women in my experience. It's a way of asserting power.

Agreed. I've only ever seen this kind of humor from men, a particularly pathetic kind of man who will do anything for 'the bants' (do they still say that?) and is convinced he's hilarious.

The best response is a hard stare and silence. It unnerves them because they expect you to be a.) embarrassed and b.) giggle or laugh in this apologetic way like it's actually your fault. They're relying on making you the butt of the joke, which is difficult to do if you ignore them or appear not to get that it's a joke of some kind.

Sorry it happened to you, OP. You sound like a kind, sensitive person.

It’s nearly always men, they’re the kind who bore on for ages about what they think they know about some obscure subject too and why they’re always right. Often seen a few years ago working in video or record shops. Other colleagues laugh because they’re a pain in the area when they’re in a bad mood.

*arse but area works too!

Are you going to complain or write a review? Please do. The owner would likely be horrified. I hate this culture of banter being OK, it's not. It's horrible.

Nex time you reply "ohhh... You were joking...I see now....you're a dickhead!Thanks for letting me know so I never come back!"

Once a member of staff has made this kind of joke once or twice, they would know that it isn't creating humour.....so why do they do it?

Humour comes from the gap between what you expect to occur and what actually does. But this situation isn't funny...."Oh, I thought I was getting my food now, but it's actually going to be an hour late." It's puzzling more than funny, but I guess witty to the customer/friend at the counter who is thinking, " He's showing the depth of his friendship to me by proving he doesn't feel like being pally and warm to every customer. He's actually being annoying to some, which shows he's not a 'yes' man"

I went to Butlins Bognor Regis fifteen years ago with my son who has autism and was eight. My brother drove and was dropping us off there. We want to get the welcome pack and chalet key, and the blue coat ( or whichever it was then) member of staff said, " This is the right time, but you're booked in for Minehead". My brother, who is usually up for joke, was quite hacked off and said it wasn't funny to the gent. Is it supposed to heighten the enjoyment when you find out something pleasant is going to happen, after all?

What a twat.

I feel like that type of joke could only work with someone you knew well, otherwise how the hell would you know it was a joke?

A lady in a clothes shop did a similar thing to my friend. The shop came to about £200. My friend went to pay with vouchers and the shop assistant said "oh. We don't accept those vouchers actually". My friend was all flustered and flapping around in her purse because obviously she didn't have £200 hanging around and wouldn't have spent that much. Then after about ten seconds, the shop assistant suddenly laughed and said "only joking".

It was just a bit weird. You can't read someone that you don't know!

This hasn't happened to me for years but if it does happen again I want to reply with something like
"Oh I've just been reading about this online. It's a type of humour used generally by men with very small dicks isn't it? Like to kind of compensate and big themselves up."

I love Ediths response and the do a mad laugh and then stop.

9 times out of 10 it’s inadequate men isn’t it? Some do it to kids which leads to confusion at best upset at worse.

Also HATE those halfwit DJs on local radio doing prank calls it has a similar vibe. Turn off immediately

Jesus Christ, call the Apollo; they need to get this guy on the next bill.

About as funny as a root canal treatment.

In my local Sainsbury's I started avoided one man's checkout because of his crap "banter". Always asked for ID for alcohol for 40+ year old women.

I think it's just a sad little attention seeking men that pull this shit. We should pity them. Losers

I hate these kind of jokes. I take people at face value when they say something and it wouldn't occur to me that someone would deliberately at something untrue as a 'joke.' as I'm getting older I'm better at the withering look/sarcastic reply but often I'm just confused.

My DS is the same way and constantly tells his Dad (my DH) that he doesn't like that kind of joke. DH does is constantly. It's much more low level, like 'oh is that my slice of cake? Yummy' my daughter screams with laughter and shouts noooo it's mine! But my DS gets upset. DH has been interacting that way his whole life, his dad is the same. I think I'm used to it and tbh he'd never do it with strangers like the twatty guy in your OP. DH struggles to understand the concept of taking people at face value as he takes everything (everything!) with a pinch of salt until he can verify it for himself.

Nob.

Not funny at all.

I had this sort of thing happen the other month. I was running late and dashed into a Waitrose pick something up on my way to work.

Two male staff were standing near the self service tills and as I walked past them one said, "You can't use those."
I could see people using some of the tills so I looked at him in confusion wondering if the free ones were broken.
"You can't use those. You should use the till." He gestured at the manned till. "But there's no one on it at the moment, he'll be back in 30 minutes, you'll have to wait 30 minutes."
"What?"
"Do you want to wait 30 minutes?"
"What?"
"Okay, you can use the self checkout...but do you know how to use it?"
"Yes."
"It's very complicated, you might not understand, you should wait for Dan to come back."
At which point the guy with him realised uncomfortably that I was finding the whole thing totally non hilarious and muttered to him "You'd better knock it off now."
Then the first guy starts laughing and gestures me on towards the self service tills.

Utter twat! And it totally puts me off going in there again.

How tiresome. I think these are the kinds of ‘jokes’ made by people who know they haven’t a hope in hell of ever actually being genuinely funny so they resort to stupidity instead. YANBU, it definitely wasn’t a ‘joke’ because there was nothing remotely funny or witty about it.