AIBU to feel awkward at this type of joke?

[Gullible2021]

I’m an MNer, just namechanged (Sistine screamer, softzilla, snapped and farted).

Is it just me who ends up feeling a bit embarrassed and never knows how I’m supposed to react when I’m joked with in the following manner?

I placed an food order today at a local independent food bar via an app. I received a message saying it would be ready at x time.

I arrived, there were about 5 staff there and I think one customer (he was standing around in front of the counter chatting with staff). I said “hello, I’ve come to pick up my order, please. It’s for Jane.”

Dead pan, one of the staff said in quite a haughty tone;

“Yeah, that won’t actually be ready for collection for another 45 minutes to an hour I’m afraid.”

I was quite confused, I’d travelled a fair distance and it would be out of my way to come back, and I got my phone out to check I hadn’t made a mistake. I said,

“I’m really sorry...the app said to come at this time. Just give me a sec, I can show you.”

And he was just staring at me and there was an awkward silence. Then the man I think was a customer said,

“Look love, I know his sense of humour, he’s having you on!”

I looked back up and the man who worked there who made the “joke” wordlessly handed me my meal. It had been right next to him behind the counter the whole time. The other people present laughed. I felt really stupid. A couple of people said “haha your face was a picture” type comments. I kind of wanted the ground to swallow me up. Only one (female perhaps unsurprisingly!) member of staff said “that was weird, what is he like?”

It was only when I got in my car I realised that really it wasn’t actually funny, joke or not and surely the purpose of that kind of joke is just to embarrass the customer rather than actually involve them in something that’s genuinely fun?

I’ve also experienced similar when ordering in restaurants etc

“Please can I have the tomato soup to start with?”

“I’m really sorry we don’t have any.”

“Ok, I’ll have the halloumi then.”

“No halloumi either!”

“Oh...right...erm I’ll just go straight to the main...”

“Haha I’m only joking!!! What is it you want soup or halloumi? Your face was hilarious there!”

And even with friends I’ve have similar experiences through the years. Am I just really humourless or easily embarrassed, or is it actually just about taking the piss out of someone and laughing at their expense?

Actually I think it's great that we're talking about this and finding ways to counter it. It generally is sexist twats who are on a power trip. I'd love it if we could cut it out. By not colluding in the 'joke' or appearing upset, which is what they really want, then we can stamp it out.

I once challenged a waiter who was making sarky jokes about his female colleague to me (how incompetent she was) thinking I'd join in.I said something to the effect that it wasn't remotely funny and I didnt appreciate those kind of 'jokes'. She said it was just his sense of humour and he tried to defend himself but I never went back. I'd like to think he didn't try that shit again.

That would've had me on the back foot as well. I'd like to think I'd say "How is that funny?" but I'd probably scuttle away mortified. There's no need for it. It's not banter, it's being a dick for the sake of it.

My XH used to make these kind of jokes. It was really really tedious.
I told him if you say something has happened and it hasn't or say you haven't got something when you have, that is not a joke its a lie.
He didn't change though - continued to think he was the most hilarious man on the planet, and probably still does (thankfully now some other poor woman is listening to his gobshitery)

YANBU at all. It's a dickish power play. The joke isn't with you, it's on you.

I'd actually consider complaining, because it's shit to treat a customer like that.

He’s a dick. This whole thread is actually making me so angry as it is generally men doing this to women. I’ve had it a lot when I was younger. I think I have a “don’t fuck with me attitude “ now I’m older but I hate it and it’s definitely never happened to my husband.

It’s just douchey humour. It isn’t funny. YANBU to not like it. I don’t even get why people would make “jokes” like that tbh

@Elderflower14

My ds2 is autistic and he wouldn't get the joke either. He's a member of a Makaton group on FB. He posted a video on Easter Sunday of him with his eggs and another guy replied and asked what the Makaton for Greedy Bastard was... Ds2 didn't find it funny and neither did the other guy when I reported him and he got kicked out of the group!

I'm furious for you/DS2.

What a fucking prick.

I have three autistic loved ones including my OH and he gets really upset when he feels people are taking the piss at his expense.

I'm glad he was banned.

Me and ds2 are autistic and sometimes dh does 'jokes' like this. We hate it and get upset and confused. I ask him why he's telling lies and then call him names. He doesn't do it so much now.

Those are pretty shite jokes with no substance. Id be oblivious to them wtf? Uv just had bad luck with people who dont know what a joke is lol.

You'd feel better if you had a retort, so use some of the ones on the thread. I can never think of any quick-witted replies.

I think it's rather passive/aggressive too, as you're supposed to end up feeling, "Oh, I shouldn't take my own self and wishes so seriously", and even to feel like you are being haughty by not laughing.

Why should you have to say anything - you've come to buy food. If you could muster sarcasm you could something like, " Oh no, I don't think I want it now, as I expect that one is somebody else's reject....as you said mine won't even be ready for an hour. No, I'm suspicious now". ( See what they say to make the best of that one.)
Or if they seemed quite nice, but just not funny, say in a jolly voice , " Oh, is that wit for his benefit?" indicating the customer who knows them well. It's easier if you can do a good fake laugh, but that's not always possible.

Im a gobby cunt & would have to reply with something like "with a mush like that I guess youre used to laughing women into bed"

I really like the response above where you just ask for a refund, OP. Hand outstretched. And keep asking. Neutral expression and tone, but insist.

The awkwardness, the realisation that they now have to do extra work, the implications of saying no to you, the explanations to the boss re till. All these will wipe the smirks off their faces. It puts the focus back on them, and the transaction.

I’d prolly also make a distracted call on my phone while my other hand was out, to emphasis that their childish idiocy is not even a blip in my important day. As I left (with my money) I’d be tempted to address the other staff over my shoulder to say ‘one day that dick is going to get his arse handed to him, I’d be careful not to be standing near him sniggering when that happens, mate.’ Leave them with something to chew on.

Yes, it’s almost always men towards women with this stuff. Just like the oh-so-witty ‘Give us a smile love!’ variations. Someone with more time than I have today should start a thread on this. What other ‘social pleasantries’ are actually thinly-veiled misogyny?

Not remotely funny. There's something bullying about this kind of supposed "humour" because it's at your expense. I tend to think that it's really bitter men who struggle to form meaningful relationships with women who behave in this way. TBH, I would have called him out on it.
But please rest assured - it's most definitely not you.

I don't like those kind of jokes. I used to work with someone who was like this all the time. I was always too serious. Its a thing sometimes to wind up (often female) staff. For them its genuinely funny to be like that...in a sort of wow you really are not having a good life if this is your fun.

Christ, this kind of thing makes me want to rabbit punch those idiots in the throat.

Must be something in the air just now that's causing this stupid nonsense. My friend went in to her local chippy on Monday evening, for a very rare treat of fish and chips for herself and her DH. The conversation went like this:

Friend: 2 fish and chips please.
Chippy man: sorry luv, we've run out of fish.
Friend: oh, OK, sausage and chips then please.
Chippy man: hahahaha, your face!!!

I genuinely don't get how that's meant to be funny.

She did buy the food because she knew how much her DH was looking forward to it, but she told me later that she felt really humiliated.

Hope this thread has helped to show you that it's nothing to do with you OP. Some people are just dicks. God help them if that's what passes for a sense of humour for them. Prick.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I literally don't understand why you go ahead and part with your cash after these people have tried to humiliate you, op. Next time, please walk away.

It was ordered on an app, it was already paid for

@bellropes

Me and ds2 are autistic and sometimes dh does 'jokes' like this. We hate it and get upset and confused. I ask him why he's telling lies and then call him names. He doesn't do it so much now.

Your husband sounds like a dick. I'd find a new one

I would simply give them an honest review on Google or TripAdvisor or whatever. Others would then have full information about the standard of service to expect when making their decision about whether to use a business (or not)

@Gullible2021 call them out on it. Instead of an inner monologue of "what a twat", say what you're thinking.

In a restaurant, I'd either walk out or if you are with a large group get loud and demand to see the manager.

In a shop I'd walk out.

I've contacted stores due to sales staff before. Have outlined the issue and told them exactly how much of a sale they've missed out on because of their staff's behaviour. Hasn't gone down well with management.

I would do as many negative reviews of the place that I could. If you have the opportunity for comment note that staff go out of their way to embarass customers.

I have to say it felt really good to ask the receptionist why he thought it was appropriate to tell someone, who was obviously feeling really ill, that they couldn’t see a doctor. He explained he was trying to make me feel better and cheer me up! It was interesting to see him squirm.

YABU to feel awkward. The person who thinks that is funny should feel awkward! (But I do get where you’re coming from)

Just give them a deadpan stare, pause and then carry on. Like it’s so ridiculous it’s doesn’t deserve a response. I call it my Teacher Stare

I can't believe 8% of people think this kind of behaviour is ok. I wouldn't have thought up an appropriate retort either, and ones like the bus not being for the right location etc are likely to make me cry because that's my default response to stress!

Def leave a review on Tripadvisor and also if they have a FB / Twitter / Instagram page

Several ways:

#1 If its a restaurant send for the manager and make a formal complaint. Or google the chief executive of the company and do so. Might result in disciplinary action against the person concerned. Plenty of people looking for jobs just now.

#2 (if its a small outlet or they own the business) as another poster suggested ask them to explain the joke. Keep picking and picking at it until they are really pissed off and regret having ever spoken. Tell them you are putting a negative review on every rating site there is.

Id leave a negative review too. Make sure you post the time you were served and a brief description of the dickhead.