Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

Sorry if this was wrong - i read this read on the british heart foundation website when looking for portion sizes for pasta. All i was actually trying to say was eating little and often sometimes works better for children rather than 3 large set meals

@Jgdgjbdssvuuuuu

It’s definitely not! Everyone I know from rich to poor over feeds their kids. Most kids I know can’t even go for a 20 minute trip to the park unless mums packed a bottle of water and some raisins in her bag. Even the drinking kids do is weird these days. People teach them to be like camels. At my Son’s football they are sent off to “have a drink” about every ten minutes! It’s weird. How about they drink when they are thirsty? A person that can’t go 15 mins without a drink is a person with an addiction IMO. I’m probably over passionate about this subject but I feel like I’m surrounded by kids that can’t last 15 mins without eating, drinking and then urinating. I find it annoying. Me and my child could go out for hours with non of the above. We might be a bit hungry and thirsty by the time we can home, that’s all!?

Thought this was going to be about teenagers as they seem to eat everything in the house! They are v young so you have total control, if they want the picnic at 10.30 am offer a snack, are they eating healthy breakfast that fill them up like Weetabix for example?
Offer drinks first, they may be thirsty and confusing it, or can fill up on a drink? My dd was always wanting food but it was not a major issue as you are making it out to be, YOU are in charge here!

1 weetabix is actually an adult portion

An adult what, hamster?

Even the drinking kids do is weird these days. People teach them to be like camels. At my Son’s football they are sent off to “have a drink” about every ten minutes! It’s weird.

I'm not sure you've entirely grasped camels' basic physiology.

@LeekPeachPlum

Could you reduce portion sizes a little? Giving them smaller meals & snacks throughout the day. This might stop them feeling so hungry between meals. 1 weetabix is actually an adult portion so 1.5 and banana seems at lot at once for a 3 year.

Do behave! A portion is 2 Weetabix. Even if they were each having 2 Weetabix, 200ml whole milk and a banana, that totals 350 calories.

350 calories is quite a lot for a three year olds breakfast. As their daily requirement is around 1,000. So more than a third.

I don't think you need another person commenting on the dcs food but I couldn't pass without saying that I had terrible experiences with my HV and in fact all bar one of them at our local Health Centre.

If I ever needed any actual help I used to go to a weigh and play with a different set of HV's as they were all really sensible.

Then there was the HV at a different weigh & stay who was literally on another planet.

Xx

I have already agreed I was wrong about the adult portion - although that is what I read on the BHF website. However, I think 1.5 is larger than a 3 year olds portion.

Honestly you don’t need to worry. My kids eat loads, especially dd who looks utterly tiny, but is surprisingly solid! Friends and family have often been shocked by how much food she eats, and I am often asked where she puts it. Ds is exactly the same but is quite a strapping boy so it is more expected! Kids eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. If they are still eating and it is healthy food they are just hungry and most probably growing.

@traumatisednoodle

350 calories is quite a lot for a three year olds breakfast. As their daily requirement is around 1,000. So more than a third.

I thought an active 3year old calorie needs were between 1000-1400 per day. When my ds1 was 3 he’d have 400cal at breakfast, lunch and dinner and about 100-200cals in snacks (he didn’t drink milk or eat dairy).

Jgdgjbdssvuuuuu

Mine don't snack really, occasionally if they need it due to lunch being delayed or something. I expect many children are the same. I do know what you mean though about the constant snacks coming out of the bag!!

@LeekPeachPlum

Do behave made me LOL!

@CutieBear I haven't seen it (ref Gaston) - kids are teens now so that passed me by. It was quite astonishing to watch a small person demolish quite so much food though!

Ffs there's nothing wrong with having water on hand for kids when they are out and about, especially when running around at the park or doing sports. Nothing wrong with snacks either @Jgdgjbdssvuuuuu. You admitted you're too lazy to bother providing food and drinks for your kids when out and about no wonder they've trained themselves to be happy with 3 rigid meal times a day! They have no choice but to go hungry. I wouldn't be so smug if I were you, when they get older and can access their own food they'll probably completely overindulge

Try just not making an issue about food. The fact it's centred around your life and is topic in the house isn't good. If you was talking to me about food long enough and saying I can't eat for 3 hours I'm going to immediately get hungry.

Haha my child does have snacks, but he doesn’t whinge on for them all the time and he doesn’t expect them as part of every day. Life isn’t based around food in our house. He’s 8 now, he can snack when he wants because he has control over his eating. Sometimes he’ll say he’s hungry when it’s not dinner time, in fact he probably has a packet of crisps or fruit or shock horror some carrots every day.
But it’s not on his mind all day. He’s able to be at rest knowing there’s an Easter egg or crisps in the cupboard without making it his life goal to eat it immediately and thinking about it all the time.
I also pretty much knew the drinking thing would be picked up on but I stand by what I said. To need constant access to a drink every second of the day is just stupid. Have a drink, drink enough to quench your thirst, then forget about it until your thirsty again. Kids just use drinks and food like a dopamine hit.

And in a world full of grossly overweight people that are ruining their health I’d say “training your kids to eat three rigid meals a day” would be pretty good going! I wish I was that successful!
I’m be proud to produce an adult that never gets fat, had to go on a diet and stays in good health. Probably won’t happen though it today’s society.
He probably will go to the shop and buy too much crap like all kids do, but I’m pretty sure he will have a better chance than a kid that’s consumption is out of control by 3.

@traumatisednoodle

350 calories is quite a lot for a three year olds breakfast. As their daily requirement is around 1,000. So more than a third.

Isn’t it supposed to be better for you to eat more of your calories earlier in the day? Breakfast like a king etc

@Jgdgjbdssvuuuuu

Haha my child does have snacks, but he doesn’t whinge on for them all the time and he doesn’t expect them as part of every day. Life isn’t based around food in our house. He’s 8 now, he can snack when he wants because he has control over his eating. Sometimes he’ll say he’s hungry when it’s not dinner time, in fact he probably has a packet of crisps or fruit or shock horror some carrots every day. But it’s not on his mind all day. He’s able to be at rest knowing there’s an Easter egg or crisps in the cupboard without making it his life goal to eat it immediately and thinking about it all the time. I also pretty much knew the drinking thing would be picked up on but I stand by what I said. To need constant access to a drink every second of the day is just stupid. Have a drink, drink enough to quench your thirst, then forget about it until your thirsty again. Kids just use drinks and food like a dopamine hit.

Yes, but most kids are like yours! This is how kids generally ARE! It's nothing you've done. It's nature. I've spent enough time with a wide number of children to know most are like yours.

The ones obsessed with food are the minority IMO.

Yes, I do know DC where they eat lots of snacks and then won't eat their dinner.

But they're still not obsessed with food like in the OP. That's very different and until you've lived it and overcome it, you can't claim you have the answers.

Well we are living different experiences then because all the kids I know are obsessed with food and drinks.
Pretty sure I explained earlier that I’m not Mother of the year but that it’s just a set of circumstances that I believe made my kid less obsessed with food.

Maybe what u view as normal is my annoying.

As far as I’m concerned if I kid can’t go a few hours without eating, that’s annoying.

Sometimes people feel like eating loads and sometimes their too busy/ can’t be bothered. If you need to eat constantly all the time regardless of the circumstances = annoying/ greedy.

@Jgdgjbdssvuuuuu

I’d agree with you about drinking if you were talking about fizzy drinks or juice, which are fattening and not good for the teeth into the bargain. But not about water, which is never going to make anyone fat. And it’s far more damaging to our health to drink too little water (dehydration) than to drink too much.

In any event, these days we’re instructed to provide our DC with a bottle of water to take to school with them every day. So it isn’t just down to parents if children are as you suggest ‘addicted’ to drinking. (Although I’m yet to see a child who is obsessed with drinking water. )

But then, I’m speaking as a parent who has coped with our DD1 (now 12) frequently refusing to drink anything but a few sips of water, and has regularly been constipated as a result. So that’s why my viewpoint is different from yours.

She’s also so fussy that she’ll refuse to eat anything she doesn’t like but will then say she’s hungry. (She’s adopted and has attachment issues and SEN, so there are particular reasons for this.)

I think if anything, this thread just proves that all children are different. This makes sense, really, given that all adults are different too and, although it is true that much of people's attitudes to food comes from upbringing and the home environment, some is hormone lead and not within anyone's control.

I have the opposite problem from the OP in that my DD (9) is totally uninterested in food and eats very little at any one mealtime. She picks at meals (regardless of what the meal is) and would skip meals altogether given the chance.

My DS is 16 and is not the same, despite the same upbringing. He likes his meals on time and eats well. He also likes to snack every now and then.

My DD caused me some stress in the past, but despite her attitude to food being the opposite of the OP's DDs, my advice would be to take the same approach I have had to take - relax. Make sure the food provided is healthy and balanced, but don't make an issue of it. My DD now grazes. She doesn't enjoy being full, so I let her eat little and often and meals are not a battleground anymore. If she wants to eat a few mouthfuls and stop, I just go with it. She is active, healthy and not underweight. I know that if I wrote down what she eats over a week, it would be a good balance. She just doesn't like big meals. It's not worth causing a battle over if your DC are healthy and active.

I am hoping my DD will grow out of it and I hope yours do too, OP.

I think, in the end, being relaxed about it is the only way to navigate it without causing anyone any food issues.

Amen to that @lifeissweet

Don’t listen to the health visitor!! If your kids are tall and athletic builds they will be way off the charts, both height and weight, and this is perfectly balanced. My eldest was always this way and when all the kids were weighed at school he was told that he was overweight. This resulted in him feeling so ashamed that it developed into an eating disorder and he became very thin and unhappy. He is a normal weight now but still controls what he eats very carefully. Just let them have free for all with veg and fruit at least if they are hungry. And don’t let anyone ‘tut’ at you- the charts are completely outdated and they are strong, growing healthy kids by the sound of it. I can’t stress enough that you need to stop feeling ashamed, be proud that they are not fussy eaters and that they have a healthy diet. Don’t do this to yourself or to them!