Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

@Hungryhippos123 I’m not 100% sure their exact height and weight but I know last time their weight centile was higher than their hight centile

You need to re-measure their height. I wouldn’t weigh them as that could cause them to think they’re fat, but measuring a child’s height always excites them. Maybe a nurse could weigh them next time they have an appointment? They’re only in the size up in clothing so I don’t think they’re as fat as you think they are! Again, try adding more protein and healthy fats into their diet so they’re not constantly hungry. Try upping their portions at meal times too so they’re not starving and begging for snacks.

@Ringsender2

My DS ate 6 weetabix for breakfast age 2. Yours must be ravenous with only 1.5.

He ran around all day and was completely full-on until 7pm when he'd conk out. He ate decent lunches and snacks at creche, a full dinner at home then quite often porridge before bed. I have no idea what his BMI was, but he was essentially solid muscle (had a six-pack aged 4 or so) so i wouldn't be surprised if it was over 25. He was not fat. He had a little bit of roundness to his face and that lovely softness kids have due to subcutaneous fat.

How are you deciding their 'fatness' apart from bmi? How have you established portion size? I think that the issue is with you/the adults, not with the kids

6 Weetabix for breakfast and a six pack at the age of 4? Is your son Gaston from Beauty and the Beast?

I don’t know quite how to get it across but I don’t break a weetabix in half in front of them and glare at them if they ask for more as lots of people think. They have weetabix mushed up with milk into porridge (that’s how they like it) so I out of habit Chuck three in a big bowl with hot milk and mash it up. If they want more it’s not 0.5 with a drop of skimmed milk and a disapproving look from me. Mealtimes are positive and they eat until they have had enough- please trust me on that!

They are both girls and I have no issue with them not being skinny. I am incredibly proud of them think they are beautiful and never compare then unfavourably inwardly or outwardly with other children in terms
Of appearance. It’s the constant mithering for food I find wearing/exhausting and the worry about their health. They look, to me, perfect.

@CutieBear that made me laugh. My eldest almost has a six pack herself from gymnastics! Mn has an obsession with seeing kids ribs and you can see hers!

Those saying give them bigger portions- with Ellyn Satter you allow them to choose how much at each meal. I serve family style in the table and they help themselves with NO judgement until they are done. That’s why I don’t understand/ get a bit frustrated when they’re starving an hour later!

Are they actually overweight for their height (as opposed to their age)? My son is 50th centile for weight, so seemingly ideal, but 10th centile for height so actually pretty heavy (but I can clearly see his ribs so I am not remotely concerned - he has a lot of muscle, like me). If your children are very tall then they might be fine relative to that?

The snacking/requests may be boredom?

Could you reduce portion sizes a little? Giving them smaller meals & snacks throughout the day. This might stop them feeling so hungry between meals. 1 weetabix is actually an adult portion so 1.5 and banana seems at lot at once for a 3 year.

@Hungryhippos123

Those saying give them bigger portions- with Ellyn Satter you allow them to choose how much at each meal. I serve family style in the table and they help themselves with NO judgement until they are done. That’s why I don’t understand/ get a bit frustrated when they’re starving an hour later!

Haven't yet read the full thread but will do when I can, my children are the same, you have my sympathy. Will read thread and hopefully learn the magic cure for insatiable and constant hunger!

I don’t know quite how to get it across but I don’t break a weetabix in half in front of them and glare at them if they ask for more as lots of people think. They have weetabix mushed up with milk into porridge (that’s how they like it) so I out of habit Chuck three in a big bowl with hot milk and mash it up.

Honestly you sound so incredibly controlling of food, it's worrying. In the nicest possible way I think you need to chill out and possibly seek some help.

Because their stomachs are small. So it’s not that surprising. There is nothing wrong with little and often. It’s an adult attitude to think we should eat three full meals and nothing in between.
I would abandon any ‘method.’ Just feed them. Make sure their snacks are healthy- so fruits as a default. We do fruit and plain Greek yoghurt.

I bet that if you kept a food diary that over a period of a month or so that they regulate their intake.

But it was you that sounded so desperate and all I have read is just let them have more food and move on from obsessing about it.
You say you've discussed it with friends, stop it, just normalise food and be more relaxed about it.
Try that for 6 months or a year and reevaluate then if they have a weight problem (they won't) you are a healthy fitness aware family
I grew up in a good food bad food house and my mum is obsessed with being slim (she is) I'm now overweight and although I can't blame her as such (I am an adult) I really hate judgement over food and eating.

This thread has so much wrongness on it. It's obvious that OP has an unhealthy relationship with food. It should be taken down. Ellyn Satter may be all well and good, but there seem to be so many issues here that it's just not going to make any difference to the OP whatsoever until she decided not to manage her food issues through her daughters. Food being such a big deal at their age OP is going to cause all sorts of problems for them when they're older.

People are really gunning for the OP here despite her repeatedly saying she doesn't talk or mention food to her DC. She has been told by HCP that her children are overweight and it sounds like she's doing all the right things to manage that. People seem to be being purposefully dense ignoring or not reading her posts. It's right to worry about kids weights as childhood obesity is a massive issue - and one most parents turn a blind eye too (lots of crowing about 'throwing letters in the bin' that have been sent to parents warning them about their child's weight!). OP you sound like a lovely mum and your kids sound energetic and well looked after. I don't have any answers about the constant mithering for food apart from to distract and supply unlimited fresh veg (that they can help themselves too so it doesn't cause you too much hassle?) and continue to manage food in a positive and non-stressful way. Best of luck

Thank you so much @chillipopcorn1. It makes me sad that people feel sorry for my children or think I’m setting them up for eating disorders because I’ve posted on here- I’m just asking for advice on a parenting site in case others have felt similar. Some peoples thoughts about how I just behave around my kids and food are frankly bizarre! We are a happy normal family with happy well adjusted kids I just worry about them (don’t we all about various things?!). I’m not a closeted anorexic woman or inputting every bite into MyFitnessPal. My goodness!

No problem! I find it so weird that people think they can extrapolate from a few posts and demonise someone, it's horrible. Also just to let you know I have twins - both EBF, weaned the same, offered the same at meals and at the same nursery etc and one is much heavier and much more 'into food' - hungrier often, eats more. Nothing I did (or do!). Just the luck of the draw!

If your eldest nearly has a six pack then surely you don't have to worry about her being overweight? Gymnasts often are solid because they are so strong and muscular.

I agree with those who said ditch the health visitors.

If my kids ask for additional snacks between meals I just say they can have an apple or an orange, then I can tell whether they are actually hungry or not 🤣 more often than not they don't bother. It's easy to just shovel down a packet of crisps or a biscuit mindlessly but takes a bit more effort and time to eat a piece of fruit.

Is the whinging....just whinging and the food is a side issue....Can I have/ Can we have?
Very draining to be around.

The thing is OP, we're all getting the same vibe from your posts. It's honestly not normal to obsess to this level about your DC.

This comment from you in your original post "Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight."

You're embarrassed by the fact your little girls are hungry and asking for food?? Have you not seen the millions of memes going around about mums in particular joking about being a constant snack machine??

As far as I can see from your comments, one health visitor said your daughter was overweight when she was 18 months old - she's now 3. That was a long time ago and you're holding onto it. You admit yourself a dietician has seen them and said they look healthy and well. You say they're very active, and your eldest almost has a six pack from all the gymnastics. You also say in another comment that they don't look overweight - so why say you're embarrassed about them being hungry when they're overweight?

I'm genuinely not trying to be nasty or provocative, and you say that you hide all of this concern from your DC. Maybe that's the case now but as they get older they're going to start noticing your preoccupation - us parents aren't as good at hiding things as we think.

If your daughters are fit, well and active and look to be a reasonable weight then stop worrying. Children sometimes put on a little puppy fat and then they have a growth spurt and it disappears. You really don't need to be this obsessed with their weight. If they're hungry, make sure there are healthy snacks available - they're not going to turn into morbidly obese DC munching on carrot sticks, apples etc.

Rather than looking for constant solutions to stop your DD being hungry, I think the answer is to give yourself permission to relax. They're fine. No-one is suggesting they're endangering their health, and you admit they don't look overweight. Stop obsessing about a random comment from a HV yonks ago. Healthy snacks won't hurt them and will stop the constant badgering. Just try it and see how it goes.

• obsess to this level about your DC's eating and weight.

I think the PP has hit the nail on the head. It seems to me that other than a random HCP 18 months ago no one has brought up their weight.
Why is the 3 year old being weighed anyway? I stopped weighing my kids once they a year old.
Also why are they under the care of a dietitian?

Have YOU raised these issues with a HCP?

Because the evidence suggests that they are not overweight. They are at the higher end of the centile chart but they wear size appropriate clothes, are active etc.

Finally, look we are not feeling sorry for your kids. But YOU said that three times a year they are allowed to eat what they want and when they do they are calm, well behaved and the difference in their behaviour is noticeable.
What do you think that tells you?

I serve family style in the table and they help themselves with NO judgement until they are done. That’s why I don’t understand/ get a bit frustrated when they’re starving an hour later! No idea what family style is but they will get hungry quickly. Childrens stomachs are smaller the younger they are and therefore natural grazers. Mine tend to have smaller meals more frequently.

No one can fill my son. But he's healthy, healthy diet and weight and always moving. I just feed him when he says he's hungry! If he's had loads I'll give him some water and an activity or task to do and see if he says he's hungry again after that. 99% of the time he is so I know he isn't bored!

The best thing you can do is....relax!

OP please read your OP again , if it is all so normal and super why is it ruining your life?
You asked for help, most people said that the best the best thing to do is feed them more and chill out but you seem intent now on telling everyone how normal and lovely your family attitude to food is, well crack on then , you don't need us.
You don't seem able to relate to that perhaps that one HV was wrong to tell you your child was overweight, or perhaps she was and you've now corrected that and you can relax now and move on.
I guarantee if you keep cooking healthy meals and being active and no excessive junk food and sugar then your kids will not be obese. If you make food a huuuuuge issue then maybe they will.
But do you know, it wouldn't be the end of the world if they are a bit overweight at stages , they may grow out of it and they can still be wonderful , kind, creative , clever and bright and happy and active, some things count more than weight, seriously

Also, how the he'll can an 18 month old be fat?!

Why do you describe yourself as being ‘bad’ here? It’s not bad to feed your kids when they say they are hungry.
It’s absurd to do it just 3 times a year.