To leave job?? Daughter thinks I am

[whobubu]

I am thinking about leaving my job. I suffer with bad back pain and cannot work without my back hurting.

My 2 adult children are starting their careers soon and are living at home. I have asked them to pay £250 each when they start.

Daughter thinks IBU as she thinks I haven't tried e.g. using a standing desk. She says when I used to work in the office I was fine, my argument is I did full days rather than working a few hours daily as I do now (so I was able to have a couple of days break before). She thinks IBU because I will not be independent. She thinks I earn decent money for my PT work and that it is only a few hours a week. But my husband earns enough, we do not have a mortgage. My argument is that I have contributed to the family for many years. I feel like she is making me feel guilty for wanting to leave my job.

Daughter thinks I could survive for potentially another 50 years (I am early 50s) and so shouldn't leave work yet.

Who is BU?

It also depends on how you use the savings, are they invested to give an income through dividends etc and that probably won’t be enough or do you plan on spending as and when you need them?

You also need to factor in what pensions you will be getting and when, if you don’t have a mortgage and are getting great private pensions at 55 then it would be fine. If you have little or no private pension and are depending on state pensions (potentially reduced as you haven’t said how many years you have).

There is also s big difference between 100k in savings and 999k so that will effect the answer too.

There is a lot of information on financial independence and retiring early online that may help you.

The other thing you need to consider is what are you planning on doing when you retire that is going to better for your back? Is it genuinely going to improve it and why is it going to be better? Can you make those adjustments and still keep your part time well paid job?

One other thing to factor in, is that if you aren’t earning that will mean you and DH will have a different standard of life, you may be able to afford it, but what are you going to be going without?

We are nearly financially neutral for day to day expenses, but we work as we want a comfortable retirement and we know there are always large expenses in the future.

You need to put detailed plans in place and forecast your joint income and expenditure going forward, including large purchases such as cars, holidays, boilers, new bathroom/kitchens, carpets, helping out the DC if you wanted to with weddings, deposits on houses etc.

It will be harder to get more money now than if you realise you are short in 15 years time.

@thenightsky Op has said I have a tiny pension pot so will be waiting, without personal income, for state pension in over 15 years so very different circumstances to you

I’d be extremely concerned about anyone I know giving up work in their 50s when they clearly don’t have any idea of:

• how much money they need to live on
Or
• when they will receive their state pension

And only have a “tiny” pension pot.

Once you leave in your 50s it will be very hard to go back. You need to be absolutely sure that financially you’ll survive.

@Chickychickydodah

Tell her to pay up or move out now...

...can you read?

@whobubu

How much is enough savings wise? It's a decent number. 6 figures

This depends on interest rates. Is your money invested in a way that it's making you more money? Investment properties, funds, stocks? If yes, then you don't need tons of savings since you are making more money. If they are on an account then calculate how much money you need in a month in the next 40 years.

@whobubu, we can’t say how much is enough - this is something you and your DH need to sit down and work out. Interest rates are very poor at the moment so unless you can live completely on your husband’s salary, you will be eating into capital.

Also, as PPs have said, what are your plans if he is made redundant or becomes ill? Is he 15 years older than you and going to get his pension any day now or is this going to be a risk for the foreseeable future?

If you are early 50s you have 15 years before you start getting £9,500 a year state pension. You haven’t said what your DH’s pension is like - if you do end up spending all your savings, will it plus the state pension, plus your “tiny” pension be enough to live on?

It may be you are fine giving up work and that all of these calculations work out in your favour but you really need to sit down and make them all.

If you have £100,000 in savings and no other income because something happens to your husband’s salary, depending on the bills you will be broke in 5 years (at £20,000 a year).

You haven’t said if you are planning on depending on your children’s contributions. If you are, what are you going to do when they move out?

I think your daughter is very sensible to raise her concerns - she wants to avoid any risk of feeling she has to keep living at home because she’s afraid her parents can’t cope without her keep. It is much more sensible to raise it now rather than a few years down the line. If you can reassure her that £250 a month only covers the additional expenses incurred by her living at home and her moving out won’t affect your finances in the slightest, you should do so.

I think the matters she has raised are very sensible and I’m surprised at all the people who have made snide comments about her. Not wanting your parents to live in penury doesn’t strike me as self serving or uncaring.

You have given no indication she isn’t happy to pay up - she just doesn’t want you to make financial decisions for the next 15 years based on her living at home because she won’t be.

My parents are financially clueless. Always have been and we grew up on the breadline despite my dad having a decent job. They have paid their mortgage off now and feel flush, but are still quite young and still not prudent. I am very different to them.

I understand your daughter's concerns and my concerns are that my parents will need significant financial support to maintain a pleasant lifestyle as they get older. However, it is their choice how they live and I would not dictate or think I had a say in how they spend or save.

@whobubu

How much is enough savings wise? It's a decent number. 6 figures

We spend about 25k a year, excluding new vehicles, nice holidays. We live in a cheap place and we live pretty cheaply, don't don't brands, random luxuries etc.

You'll need new cars a few times between now and dying. You will probably need some kind of care, I'd factor in a few grand a year for holidays. Unless you actually have a life limiting illness, you can expect to live to 85-90. You can't rely on a state pension because you have no control over it.
So say you've got another 35 years, 30k per year. You'd need a million quid to retire now and live off your savings.

Do you own your house? Outright or mortgage?

Also, what are you going to do with yourself all that time? Just sit in bed?

I have close to £100,00 in a private pension - it is forecast to bring in between £3,000 and £4,000 a year (I also have a work pension from a subsequent job that I hope will be the main source of income in retirement).

The OP really, really needs to sit down and work out exact figures rather than assuming things will work out. They might - we don’t know enough to tell. The frightening thing is that I don’t think the OP knows enough to tell either.

I recommend seeing a chiropractor for a bad back

Also to keep moving, don't do less

If you are in UK have you already done 35 qualifying years to receive a full state pension, you can check on www.gov.uk

I have to agree with your DD, even though I think you should still charge them something to cover their expenses at your home, as they have jobs.

I would make an effort to sort out your back pain. Either a better chair, work on the laptop on the bed, physio or insisting with your doctor to sort it out properly. Unfortunately many doctors tend to dismiss women's complaints. Ask a different doctor or tell him you need to have it sorted. It is different if it is a muscle/position issue, or a spinal issue.

Let’s say you quite your job and 2 years from now your husband is made redundant. So now your children are your income, and if your daughter has a partner and wants to set up home, she feels like she can’t because you rely on her for an income. Or your son wants to travel but has to stay at home because his parents can’t get by without his income

Oh come on! They're paying £250 per month, which is £8.33 per day. If they're eating 3 meals a day, that's £2.77 per meal. Not to mention the extra electricity spent on their lighting, hair dryers, loads of washing etc. I would imagine them moving out and not paying Op their £250 wouldn't make much difference at all to Op's overall finances, given that there would be 2 less mouths to feed.

£250 per month in board is really cheap. Kids could not live anywhere else on the planet for that.

Do what you feel is right, I say.

She is more worried about having to pay for her food and electricity than your independence. Tell her wether you work or not she is an adult and has to pay her way, if she thinks £250 is too much then she can rent somewhere else.

I always find it funny how youngsters (and also some people on MN) seem to think that board goes straight into the parents pocket as a bonus, and conveniently forget how much it costs to feed a young adult for a month! And I bet Op's measly £250pm is also meant to stretch to the kids alcohol as well. If only we could all live so cheaply!!

I think her concerns are valid, but I also think your financial situation is none of her business.

@LowlandLucky

She is more worried about having to pay for her food and electricity than your independence. Tell her wether you work or not she is an adult and has to pay her way, if she thinks £250 is too much then she can rent somewhere else.

This is completely missing the point. The daughter hasn't said she doesn't want to pay the 250 (which the OP has never actually stated is per month, one just has to assume). She is concerned her mother is giving up her part-time job on the back of her paying board - which is a situation that no doubt will change in a year or two, or less time. At which point the OP, who is uninformed about her pension timeline, will be unlikely to find work, as women in their 50s are the first to go in most industries, and part-time work is hard to find.

It seems the daughter is the only sensible adult in this equation.

@paralysedbyinertia

I think her concerns are valid, but I also think your financial situation is none of her business.

It's only none of the daughter's business if it is agreed there is zero expectation on daughter to contribute towards any sort of costs for OP later in life, when she realises she has no discernible pension, is unemployable and finds herself skint

I agree with PP - the daughter sounds like the only one with any financial savvy!

I cannot for the life of me see why it's her business. She's thinking of the size of inheritance perhaps?

I wouldn't ask DC their opinion and would be a bit flummoxed if they gave it.

I hope you can find something to relieve your back pain.

@Bluedeblue

Let’s say you quite your job and 2 years from now your husband is made redundant. So now your children are your income, and if your daughter has a partner and wants to set up home, she feels like she can’t because you rely on her for an income. Or your son wants to travel but has to stay at home because his parents can’t get by without his income

Oh come on! They're paying £250 per month, which is £8.33 per day. If they're eating 3 meals a day, that's £2.77 per meal. Not to mention the extra electricity spent on their lighting, hair dryers, loads of washing etc. I would imagine them moving out and not paying Op their £250 wouldn't make much difference at all to Op's overall finances, given that there would be 2 less mouths to feed.

£250 per month in board is really cheap. Kids could not live anywhere else on the planet for that.

Do what you feel is right, I say.

Have you read the rest of my post? It’s not about “the kids shouldn’t be paying”, it’s that the mother is now becoming RELIANT on them for her income. It’s 500 a month into the family finances which is a pretty significant chunk, and sounds like it’s probably around the same size as what the OP is earning? I doubt they’re eating and showering £500 a month that would instantly disappear if they left.

So basically her costs and income are about to stay similar if she quits her job, and then plummet when the kids leave. There is no slack built in there, they don’t have enough savings to make it to retirement, they don’t have decent pensions for when they get there. Because they have savings they won’t be able to get most benefits in the future if they need them, they would be one life event away from disaster.

in your daughter's place i would be concerned for you financially

@Flowers500
Have you read the rest of my post? It’s not about “the kids shouldn’t be paying”, it’s that the mother is now becoming RELIANT on them for her income

£250 is not income for the Op. It's £8.33 per day, and I reckon most people eat £8.33 per day worth of food. Let aloneanything else, like alcohol, extra electricity, showers, clothes washing, friends popping round and even more food being consumed. It's definitely not any kind of income for the Op.

I think 250 each is alot are they on a Full time wages? Does it include food? We paid about 200 which worked out at a 50 pounds a week ( going by a 4 week calender) if they were to leave and get their own places would you be worse off?

[quote Bluedeblue]@Flowers500
Have you read the rest of my post? It’s not about “the kids shouldn’t be paying”, it’s that the mother is now becoming RELIANT on them for her income

£250 is not income for the Op. It's £8.33 per day, and I reckon most people eat £8.33 per day worth of food. Let aloneanything else, like alcohol, extra electricity, showers, clothes washing, friends popping round and even more food being consumed. It's definitely not any kind of income for the Op.[/quote]
Wow you must have a huge shopping bill? You think the average family of four spends 240 quid a week on groceries? I think you need to check your privilege.

I wouldn't ask DC their opinion and would be a bit flummoxed if they gave it.

Isn't this what families do? Look out for each other? I'm amazed at the number of posts saying it's nothing to do with an adult child when they're just looking out for mum and dad. It's nothing to do with paying her way either, that's a separate issue and she's happy to do so. An opinion is just that - you don't have to take any notice but this one - according to the number of posts agreeing with her concerns! - is well intentioned.