To leave job?? Daughter thinks I am

[whobubu]

I am thinking about leaving my job. I suffer with bad back pain and cannot work without my back hurting.

My 2 adult children are starting their careers soon and are living at home. I have asked them to pay £250 each when they start.

Daughter thinks IBU as she thinks I haven't tried e.g. using a standing desk. She says when I used to work in the office I was fine, my argument is I did full days rather than working a few hours daily as I do now (so I was able to have a couple of days break before). She thinks IBU because I will not be independent. She thinks I earn decent money for my PT work and that it is only a few hours a week. But my husband earns enough, we do not have a mortgage. My argument is that I have contributed to the family for many years. I feel like she is making me feel guilty for wanting to leave my job.

Daughter thinks I could survive for potentially another 50 years (I am early 50s) and so shouldn't leave work yet.

Who is BU?

It’s your choice, but she’s got a very good point. If you worked in an office of a decent company you’d have been sitting in a £600 chair and I bet you’re not now. Have you seen a chiropractor? Tried anything? If you have huge amounts of savings and don’t need to work, yanbu but I think you should consider carefully as job sounds ideal.

Don’t underestimate how much you’ll need for retirement.
You say you have a small pension pot; not sure what your husband has, or if there is any protection if he does before you.

Savings of, say, £200k may sound a lot, but remember if savings rates don’t keep up with inflation (which they’ve not been doing) then the earning power of that will reduce. And if you live a pretty standard 85 years, that’s less than £6k per year for you and husband combined.

I’d absolutely consider her suggestion of a standing desk and physio, in your shoes I’d do everything to work another 15 years at least.

I agree with other posters. 50 is still young, you are 17 years away from state retirement age, and it isnt easy to get a job in your 50's. Anything could happen to your husband's job and a 6 figure savings pot can disappear very quickly and with a bit of bad luck could easily disappear before you even reach retirement. I would never rely on someone else at this stage of life, decisions made now will seriously impact your retirement.
Your employer should be arranging a workstation assessment and providing you with a suitable chair and desk, even if it needs to be delivered to your home. The right chair can make a huge difference. Going into Covid I ached all over (I am 51) and have fibromyalgia, but with a decent chair, an ergonomic shorter keyboard so my mouse hand isnt so far out to the right, and an upright mouse I am absolutely fine. If you want to give up work at least wait to be offered voluntary redundancy in an inevitable round of redundancies, or retired from ill health so you dont lose out on your pension.

Your daughter paying rent is a separate issue. I have one child at home who pays a bit more than you are asking for (but I'm single) and I put some of that aside for him for when he moves out, although he doesnt know that.

I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not to give up your job - only you can decide that - but my mum retired at 50 and tbh she struggled to find a purpose in life and was very unhappy for at over a decade. She seemed to settle down only when her friends began retiring and she wasn’t the only one wondering how to fill her week. So, if you do leave your job try to have some idea of what you’re going to do. I think my mum regretted not having continued for a few more years at least. Memory of my mum’s experience is what is keeping me working at the moment.

@whobubu I think it’s yours and your DH’s decision. What your DD thinks is irrelevant. It sounds like you have a genuine reason for giving up work. Your health comes first at the end of the day. You have no mortgage and a good amount. In savings so I can’t see a problem. Your DD’s are adults and if they are working full time it’s very reasonable for you to be asking for contributions. I paid my mum £250 a month when I got my first FT job at 17 and that was 20 years ago! They have nothing to complain about. That is extremely cheap bed and board!

If they got there own place they would have to pay bills food electricity Time for them to know the realities is life

Your daughter is right. It's crazy to give up another 15 years of income over a problem you don't seem to have really tried to solve. Try the standing desk. Try the exercise regimen.

Keep your job . Keep your independence. You will have more disposable income to be able to afford treats for yourself and your loved ones.
Your employer should make reasonable adjustments for you to be able to continue work. Your argument is with them, not your daughter.
Don’t give up your independence. Hard won independence, too. A good lesson for your daughter to boot!

I would be very wary of giving up work. You never know what is around the corner, and if you are out of work for any length of time, it will be harder to get another job if you need to.

I speak from bitter experience - I thought we were happily married until my (now ex) husband had an affair and left me for her (I was 56 at the time, and she was considerably younger). A year later I got made redundant. Fortunately I got another job fairly quickly, but I am going to have to work until I am 70 to pay the mortgage.

I have terrible problems with my back and when I started my job, I had to do a work station assessment. I mentioned that I have back problems, and they bought me a new chair, which really helps, could you get help from your company in this respect?

@Miisty

If they got there own place they would have to pay bills food electricity Time for them to know the realities is life

For Christ’s sake read the actual thread!!!

The daughter has no issue with working and paying, she’s worried about her mother who has no pension and is planning on becoming unemployed in her early 50s.

I imagine she's a bit arsed that you asked her to pay rent. And THAT request is NBU, as well. You ANBU one little bit. This is your life, and you're a long way from needing her to mother you. Tell her that she can start attempting to tell you how to live your life in another 40 years or so.

I think it’s unfair that you get to give up your job and your husband has to continue working.
Could you get a different part time job instead?

At what age (18, on the dot?) does everyone start hating their children so much that they would feel fine about making these spiteful remarks regarding the OP's daughter's motivation?

@whobubu
Many years ago now, I went to my doctor with severe back pain. He sent me to a specialist who promptly put me in hospital.
After 30 days and a risky operation on my back, I was fine - and after several months of recuperation, I went back to work.
The difference was, I was in my 20’s - I think if you haven’t already, you need to get yourself to the doctor in a hurry; every day you wait is more damage to your back and possibly your spine.
Good luck.

You seriously consider giving up any job until you are medically retired

I think she might well be right about leaving work, but its also not her business and she should pay rent if she is working anyway

Your daughter is being typically selfish as this generation generally are. You've worked hard, paid off off your mortgage. Time for the offspring to move out and leave you are DH to enjoy the fruits of your labours.

@unwuthering I’m wondering that too - will I suddenly be filled with a seething hatred at midnight on the dot, or is it more something that builds over the course of a year from their 17th birthday?

I recently got an office chair to wfm - a good ergonomic one & my back pain issues have virtually disappeared. Working in a normal dining room chair was awful.
I also gave up a job a few months ago for various reasons. We can afford it and I am working more p/t now in a different role. I wouldn’t not work though as it puts too much pressure on Dh and finances. I’ll prob have to go back to longer hours in a year too.
I’m similar age and I think I’ll be working in some capacity for another 15 years at least.