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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely fuming - in laws

433 replies

I8toys · 29/04/2021 13:38

I just need to calm down before I take it out on my husband.

In laws are looking to downsize to our area - that's another thread on its own - not happy about it.

Heard a conversation between dh and them last night about popping around and parking outside our house whilst they went for a wander around the area. I said remind them I'm working please - ie don't knock on or come in. Oh that's okay we've got a flask they said.

Just finished a zoom with my boss and the door goes. Husband is at work. A delivery and my fil standing behind the delivery driver. WTF. Can we go the little boys room mil asks. What can I say no! So she goes to the downstairs loo and then they proceed to enter the house and wander around - looking in the garden. Still made no attempt to leave so to be polite I had to offer a cup of tea as they were here so long. Then they mentioned lunch but luckily it was too early.

So there I am answering emails whilst fil just chats away about eff all. They would never do this with my husband and his job but its as if they don't respect I'm working but just at home. It maybe an age thing.

I didn't say anything because I thought WTF but they aren't even supposed to be in my house. We're not in a bubble. They have had both jabs but I haven't. They could give it to me.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Squirrelblanket · 29/04/2021 13:43

Yes.

Kangaroobill · 29/04/2021 13:44

Another yes

Steph64 · 29/04/2021 13:45

No. It’s the lack of respect that grates.

skirk64 · 29/04/2021 13:46

No

Mamimawr · 29/04/2021 13:46

No, you're not. But I wouldn't have offered them a cup of tea. My ils would never expect my husband to leave work early etc but think my job is just a hobby.

Pasteque · 29/04/2021 13:46

Yeah I think you are, sorry! I can see it's annoying but fuming seems a bit extreme

goldpendant · 29/04/2021 13:47

No not at all.

Did your DH tell them not to visit or did you?

ballsdeep · 29/04/2021 13:48

Massively over reacting.

Rm2018 · 29/04/2021 13:48

They're bloody rude as you told them you were working

SoupDragon · 29/04/2021 13:48

I didn't say anything because I thought WTF

So you didn't say "I'm sorry, I can't chat as I m at work"...?

NeverMetANiceOne · 29/04/2021 13:48

Why didn't you just say something like 'I'd love to invite you in for a cup of tea but I've got too much work to do so I'll see you soon and enjoy your walk'

OnlyInYourDreams · 29/04/2021 13:48

No.

This is the problem with working from home. Essentially, you’re at work, you’re not at home iyswim, and if they wouldn’t wander into your workplace expecting cups of tea and lunch then they shouldn’t be doing the same when you’re working from home.

Trisolaris · 29/04/2021 13:49

Don’t offer tea to be polite if you are working and then fume about it later. Tell them clearly, ‘would love to chat but I’m working so need to get back to it.’

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 29/04/2021 13:49

No, how were they told you were working?
Firmly, causally?
Your dh needs to let them know your busy.
Op we get the sake, sils job is incredibly important, anything she can't do due to her job is respected.
Dh on other hand.. Not important.

Lou573 · 29/04/2021 13:49

It all seems a bit of an overreaction to letting your in-laws in to use your loo? Couldn’t you just have said of course, but I’ll have to leave you to it as I’m expected back at my desk?

Smartiepants79 · 29/04/2021 13:50

I think you are a bit. They’re family. I’d be pretty pissed off if any of my family ( and i include extended aunts and cousins in this) begrudged me the use of their toilet when I was right outside.
They shouldn’t have got in the way of your work. Did you actually specifically say - I’ve got an important call, I need to go back to work.....
could you not have offered a more suitable time for them to come then you could have had control over what was going on?
Personally I can’t imagine feeling this annoyed by a brief visit from any of my family or my in laws.
I also can’t get worked up about the COVID thing.

Wakemeuuuup · 29/04/2021 13:50

YANBU. Ridiculous and you need your dh to understand its not on so he can pass the message on to them

rainbowthoughts · 29/04/2021 13:51

It wouldn't bother me tbh. I would have told them to come in, have a cup of tea and make themselves at home when they mentioned parking at yours. With the reminder that you are working and would not be around to chat.

Gingermuffin · 29/04/2021 13:51

I don’t think you are, it’s really annoying and bloody rude when people don’t take your job seriously despite you telling them that you’re busy working just because you are working from home. It’s not like they didn’t know, you told them in advance that you were working.

I also understand why you didn’t tell them to go at the time, it’s awkward being put on the spot knowing that you will be the bad guy for telling them they can’t come in or asking them to leave.

Darbs76 · 29/04/2021 13:51

Yes you are. Maybe you shouldn’t have offered a cup of tea, you should have said I’m so sorry I would love to offer you a cup of tea but I’ve got a meeting now.

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 29/04/2021 13:51

Sounds annoying, I think you should have told them that you were working though instead of offering them a cup of tea.
Speak up for yourself.

DifferentHair · 29/04/2021 13:52

Goodness, why didn't you just say 'Im sorry but I'm busy with work, I'll have to show you out.'

Smartiepants79 · 29/04/2021 13:52

It does sound like you were a bit passive about the whole thing.
If you want them to leave then don’t offer tea and make it clear you’re busy by saying so and then sitting down at your desk til they get the hint. Start up a phone call with a colleague and usher them out.

thecognoscenti · 29/04/2021 13:52

Yes, you're overreacting.

user648482729 · 29/04/2021 13:52

Surely after the loo you could have said “sorry I’d love to chat but I’m actually working”, then if they didn’t go then be annoyed. It does show lack of respect about you working though