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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely fuming - in laws

433 replies

I8toys · 29/04/2021 13:38

I just need to calm down before I take it out on my husband.

In laws are looking to downsize to our area - that's another thread on its own - not happy about it.

Heard a conversation between dh and them last night about popping around and parking outside our house whilst they went for a wander around the area. I said remind them I'm working please - ie don't knock on or come in. Oh that's okay we've got a flask they said.

Just finished a zoom with my boss and the door goes. Husband is at work. A delivery and my fil standing behind the delivery driver. WTF. Can we go the little boys room mil asks. What can I say no! So she goes to the downstairs loo and then they proceed to enter the house and wander around - looking in the garden. Still made no attempt to leave so to be polite I had to offer a cup of tea as they were here so long. Then they mentioned lunch but luckily it was too early.

So there I am answering emails whilst fil just chats away about eff all. They would never do this with my husband and his job but its as if they don't respect I'm working but just at home. It maybe an age thing.

I didn't say anything because I thought WTF but they aren't even supposed to be in my house. We're not in a bubble. They have had both jabs but I haven't. They could give it to me.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
I8toys · 29/04/2021 14:18

Thanks @Katy

OP posts:
themalamander · 29/04/2021 14:18

You are not overreacting. You were at work. Would they come to your office and do that? No. It's the same thing.

I've worked from home for years and I'm bloody sick of family and friends just assuming you're available. They order deliveries to my house, pop round for a coffee, text me to ask me to pick their kids up from school etc. The issue is that you allowed it. You should have stood at the door while she went to the toilet and then said "now that you're done, I have to get back to work, enjoy your walk" and herded them out the door. I cannot believe you made them tea. You were at work!

Confusedandshaken · 29/04/2021 14:19

@Darbs76

Yes you are. Maybe you shouldn’t have offered a cup of tea, you should have said I’m so sorry I would love to offer you a cup of tea but I’ve got a meeting now.
This is absolutely the right response. Or tell them they are welcome to make themselves tea but you are working. Then shut the door to the kitchen and leave them to it.
randomer · 29/04/2021 14:20

I think it might be about the prospect of them moving near you.

EmbarrassingMama · 29/04/2021 14:21

Yes. Why didn't you tell them you were working, politely ask them to leave and tell them you'll catch up later?

Not really worth the fury, surely?

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 14:21

@NeverMetANiceOne

Why didn't you just say something like 'I'd love to invite you in for a cup of tea but I've got too much work to do so I'll see you soon and enjoy your walk'
I'd have said this. Letting them use your loo was fine but making a cup of tea to be polite was a bad idea.
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 29/04/2021 14:21

I would have let them in to use the loo, told them I was going back to work and to let themselves out once they'd used the loo. Possibly also handed them a pack of anti-septic wipes so they could disinfect anything they touched.

grapewine · 29/04/2021 14:21

YABU to be fuming instead of standing up for yourself. They will continue to walk all over you because you let them. Don't let them.

PembrokeshireDreaming · 29/04/2021 14:21

You could have easily said.........sorry can't offer you a cuppa as I am in the middle of work / about to start a meeting / expecting a work call.

I don't really see what they did wrong.........They saw the delivery, knew you would be coming to the door and asked to use the toilet. You should have shut it down straight away.

Msmcc1212 · 29/04/2021 14:22

I’d be feeling mad about this too.

MunchyCat · 29/04/2021 14:22

Annoying that them turning up coincided with the delivery driver.

I wouldn't have answered the door if it had just been them.

andtheweedonkey · 29/04/2021 14:23

Really shit timing 😡 - I'd have shouted to the delivery guy to lob the parcel over the gate Grin or if it was small enough accepted it through a window then said to ILs I had a cough so they couldn't come in.
But then I'm a bitch and neither DH nor I have any family

Original poster
I8toys · 29/04/2021 14:23

I know I'm getting worked up about them moving near us and what that could mean for us (me).

Thanks for all the responses. I need to change how I manage and react to the situation.

OP posts:
Angrypregnantlady · 29/04/2021 14:23

Jesus christ woman. You're going to have to grow a backbone if they're moving to your area!

I'd have took the parcel waved at them then closed the door. If they'd said anything about coming in I'd have just said, sorry I'm working, I told DH to tell you, anyway gotta get back to work, have a nice day.

As if you offered them a cuppa! Even if you're kind enough to let them in to use the loo, when they're done you just open the front door and say it was nice to see them, hope they have a nice day.

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 29/04/2021 14:24

Well obviously they weren’t showing any sign of leaving if you stood and chatted for 20 minutes !

Dixiechickonhols · 29/04/2021 14:24

Why didn’t you say something? Even worse you encouraged them to stay by brewing up. Loo doesn’t sound unreasonable. Then just say lovely to see you I’ve got a meeting/phone call in 5 mins and usher out of door. Or point at laptop and say got to get back to work now.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/04/2021 14:24

Hell no.

BlackCatShadow · 29/04/2021 14:24

Next time, just say, "Oh, wait, I think I hear an email, better get back to work. Lovely to see you, enjoy your wander" and then direct them to the door. They are probably just bored and looking for something to do.

Original poster
I8toys · 29/04/2021 14:24

I know the delivery man was dropping off some wine from M&S - a lovely gift from my boss - which was then spoiled by the loitering in laws appearing behind him.

I wouldn't have opened the door if it was just them. But I think they have a key. They would have let themselves in.

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 29/04/2021 14:24

I don't think you're being unreasonable. A total lack of respect to you.

andtheweedonkey · 29/04/2021 14:24

Oh, and you need to think v carefully about relocating a long way away moving house.

Gothichouse40 · 29/04/2021 14:26

The only observation I will make is, do you really want your in-laws living that near you? I got on with mine but we still liked a bit of distance between us.

saraclara · 29/04/2021 14:26

@Trisolaris

Don’t offer tea to be polite if you are working and then fume about it later. Tell them clearly, ‘would love to chat but I’m working so need to get back to it.’
That. It's ridiculous to fume about something that was entirely under your own control, but you chose not to control it.
YouJustFoldItIn · 29/04/2021 14:26

How would you have reacted if it were your parents who needed the loo? Would they also have been instructed not to knock and take up your time?

They even didn't knock at the door themselves - they happened to be there as a delivery arrived which you were free enough to leave your desk to accept.

They should hae read the signals and not hovvered when they'd already been told you were too busy to host them, but then you should have said 'I'd love to let you stay and chat but I have to be back on a zoom call in 10 mins - I believe DH explained that to you? Sorry.'

It's clear you just don't like them.

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 14:26

You need to get your key back from them...

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