SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

[Nevermindgeorge]

I’m also a Sahm to my toddler Dd, precious to this I taught/worked full time for 17 years.

Why are you a Sahm, did you choose to be? Are you happy, what’s your daily life like?

I feel like they’re often looked down upon, especially in the U.K. (I’m British but in another country) where it seems a fantastic thing to spend the early years with your child, which was my aim.

On reflection (after many years of being one) I think that being a SAHM in the UK is absolutely detrimental to women. Children seem to thrive but tbh, they do in any setting if they have a happy routine and structure.
I’d be absolutely devastated if my daughter announced that she’d decided to be a SAHM.
That said. Childcare costs in the Uk are extortionate and the quality relatively poor compared to other places I can think of. So it is very very tricky for women to make the decision to put children in childcare if they have an average salary and a less than meteoric career trajectory.

I am a sahm to my 19 month old and I love it. Don't get me wrong it can be challenging and there's nights my husband gets home and I want to just throw her at him and run away 😂 but it's been amazing getting to be there for every milestone, they change and develop so quickly.
Previous to this I was a nursery nurse in a private nursery, I had planned on returning after mat leave but decided against it considering I'd be walking away with around £150 a month after fees for my DD to attend.
I've felt a lot of negativity from others around being a sahm especially as she's got older, mainly from family and friends and have had a lot of comments and questions about when I'm going back to work. I just try to change the subject now when it's brought up because it's really nobody else's business what works for your family but it does get me down. I think people think being a sahm is taking the easy route when it's really the opposite!

I'm a sahm just
dd due to leave school next year.
I chose to be as soon as I gave birth, can't explain I just decided it was right for us.
I don't care if people look down on me tbh, as long as you are happy it shouldn't matter what others think.
My day is anything I choose it to be and always has been. No two days are the same as I hate repetitiveness, and doing the same thing day in day out.
My dh is about a lot though so there's never been any loneliness, we are a close family and still spend a lot of time together now two are grown ups, one with dc of his own.
I've never liked my time managed nor routine so it has suited me well.

*Previous to this

I couldn’t wait to get back to work as a hospital doctor after six months maternity leave!
It would have driven me mad to be stuck at home a minute longer. Watching everyone drive out of the village each morning on their commute, leaving a graveyard of pensioners and housewives. Stuck all day with a baby, no intelligent conversation, no challenging work, just nappies and domestic chores.

Definitely not my thing.

It’s absolutely not for me. I love being a mother but it’s not enough. It’s a fantastic addition to my life but not my purpose. At all. I went back to work when my baby was three months, having intended to take a year off. I had toyed with the idea of being a SAHM but no. Not for me.

I just don’t understand why it’s so looked down on, especially in the U.K.? Isn’t it an amazing thing for a child to be with its mother? It’s not the easy option and as much as I’m so happy I’m able to be at home, it’s not a walk in the park! I found working much easier. I’ve contributed to the system for years and will do again, why do some look down their noses 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Spiceyornicey You’d be devastated if your daughter was able to stay at home with your grandchild, rather than put her in a nursery/with a nanny, why though? Don’t you think that would be a lovely thing?

I wish i was still a sahm, fed up now of going out to work ha! I loved being in charge of my day and having weekday days to do anything I needed to get done. It helps that I have retired parents nearby who are happy to watch my boys for an odd afternoon or whatever so I could get my hair done/optician/dentist/take a notion to deep clean a part of the house.

Day to day we were put at clubs, classes, nursery, friend's houses, parks, swimming etc. Certainly it was tiring and sometimes I wished for a break for my ears, but I really enjoyed being with them and organising our week ahead with what I and they enjoyed. I found it to be a lovely break from the monotony of work, which I realise is contrary to what a lot of people feel on here.

@Babdoc Yes, I totally get that, there are days I feel the same. My mornings used to involve using my brain, sitting in meetings, chatting with colleagues (a few became best friends) drinking a hot coffee, being part of the bigger world..but, this is for a short time and I try to embrace the fact these years won’t come back.

@Nevermindgeorge perhaps it is good for children to have one primary caregiver but it most definitely does not need to be the mother.

@LadyBugg I feel similar to that, I worked for so many years full time, before that uni, college, worked since I was 14 at Saturday jobs. I just want to enjoy my daughter and my time with her and really see everything, there doesn’t seem to be much respect for that though? In other cultures there is, more so.

I don’t think it’s looked down upon in the early years
It’s when the kids go to secondary school and the mum doesn’t go back to work that may raise a few eyebrows

ive been a sahm off and on for the last 9 years but have had chunks were i was working full time (3 years in one role, 9 months in another) but am currently a sahm since early 2019 and then the world shut for covid. I don't really have a career path anymore as I took 4 years off after having DCs and now take jobs here just to give me pocket money and to help out with activities for the kids.

I gave up because i would have been working and travelling 60 hours per week and doing prep at home on top of that and it wasn't worth it after paying over £2k for full time nursery with the early opening and late closing times.

I really enjoyed being a sahm in the early years but do find it boring and lonely now they are at school but I am quiet and dont have a lot of friends or family nearby. It did make our lives so much easier with only one parent at work but he's a higher earner.

Now, as a sahm with older children, i feel judged and a bit lost frankly. Worried about career path or getting any job, worried about my MH, my lack of income and pension and worried about the stress on DH as the sole earner.

I would say you need to be very resilient as a SAHM.

Not sure I agree that SAHM are looked down upon in the UK. At least on this site, the advice centers around women being in work to protect their financial independence and future living standards, which is true and fair.
Scores of women post here saying how their spending is curtailed, or they don’t like asking their partner for money or how their retirement prospects are poor. Essentially you can’t have it both ways. It’s a choice and perfectly fine one at that but it comes at a cost to the woman which is not a comparable trade off to children being in childcare. The latter won’t fundamentally harm a child, the former often harms women irrevocably.

@cinammonbuns I agree it doesn’t need to be at all, but it could also be nice if it was? And not looked down upon 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have the best of both, I work part time. The children are with me more often than not, and I keep up my career, earn a decent income, and get a break from the domestic stuff a few times a week.

I’m a SAHM to a 6yo but had intended to return to work when he started school. Covid has meant my plans were suddenly put on hold due to home-schooling plus jobs in our area have dried up massively.

I have liked being at home but the last two years I have had enough. I need brain stimulation! I have had some negativity from a couple of friends but that’s it. I don’t care what other people think - it’s my life, and not everyone is a career person either. DH is very career-orientated and easily does 60-80 hour weeks so I feel it would be unfair on our DC to have both parents working long hours if it can be avoided and all are happy with this (obviously others won’t agree but everyone to their own).

Do what makes you happy, and ignore the negativity from others.

I don't know why WOHMs are answering when OP specifically asked for experiences from SAHMs. And some of the sneery responses will put some off answering.

I was a SAHM, sometimes it was wonderful, sometimes ok and sometimes a drag - just like a job. I just didn't want to put my baby/toddler into day care and wasn't bothered what other people thought. And I'd respect other women to make their own choices too.

I also think it is too optimistic to just look at what is good for the cold. It often leaves women in vulnerable. Perhaps you have savings if anything goes wrong with your partner but the majority of SAHP do not. That is why like the previous partner I’d be disappointed if my DC’s chose to be SAHP. And I honestly don’t think it will be practical by the time they have kids as with the way cost of living is rising I think SAHP will become increasingly rare as it already is becoming.

@saturning Weighing it all up, that’s the choice I’ve taken. I personally believe in the first few years, it’s worth it

@Nevermindgeorge It shouldn’t be looked down upon for men or women.

@KateWinsome Agree. I hate the way I almost have to justify why I’m doing it or all the years I have worked and have contributed to the system. I totally respect mums who want to work as it can be downright dull and difficult at home, but often that respect isn’t returned.

I am about to return to work part time after 8 years as a SAHM. My youngest is now in reception. It has worked very well for my family and I have no regrets. I never particularly "missed" work, but I am ready to go back.

I never felt especially judged (and I certainly never judged anyone who made a different choice to me). Having said that, whilst not judging exactly, I do think it is generally unwise to quit work to become a SAHM if you are unmarried.

I don't look down on it, but I would never want that life for myself.

On maternity leave I was depressed, lonely and unfulfilled (not because of my child, but because of her relentlessness of it).

Part time would have been perfect for me however I couldn't do that in my job.