SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

[Nevermindgeorge]

I’m also a Sahm to my toddler Dd, precious to this I taught/worked full time for 17 years.

Why are you a Sahm, did you choose to be? Are you happy, what’s your daily life like?

I feel like they’re often looked down upon, especially in the U.K. (I’m British but in another country) where it seems a fantastic thing to spend the early years with your child, which was my aim.

No one looks down upon women taking a few years break to raise children.

People look down upon women who treat relationships/marriage as meal tickets. Women who have kids in school full time, yet sit at home all day while the partner works to support the family.

I was a SAHM for a while, took a career break from a career I hated and then went freelance now have a fab business of my own. The much threatened failure to get another job if I was a SAHM and had a gap in my CV never materialised and that SAHM period was quite wonderful. I loved being with my babies and I love the way I work now as I still can be very involved. I don't earn as much but I earn enough and have so much more freedom!

When I read these threads I often wonder, does your DH have so more freedom?

But why is that looked down upon? My ds is 7 now, and I've only just gone back to work, part time at that. My husband has never considered himself a meal ticket and I've never look at him as one. When I was SAHM full time, it made both our lives very easy, which was a benefit to us both. And it's not as if once children are at school it's oh so easy all of a sudden - for regular hours/days, there's still childcare to consider before and after school, plus school holidays. Plus the ability to attend parents meetings, sports days, after school activities at decent times was a bonus. I certainly wasn't sat around filing my nails and brunching with friends everyday for the past two years

Quite. I hadn't worked for nearly 10 years, and then got the first job I applied for. They didn't care about the gap, they were more than happy with the previous experience I gained over the 20+ years I worked before I had my ds.

It's almost as though some women are desperate for the opposite to happen though, so they can sneer and smug whilst telling you they told you so.

When I read these threads I often wonder, does your DH have so more freedom?

I'm mostly a sahm. Dh has a very well paid job and family money. He could reduce his hours although he'd need to find another job as his current employers won't allow senior staff to work part time. He doesn't want to do that. He could take a year out. He doesn't want to do that. We agreed I'd go back full time when our youngest started school. Now that's less than a year away, he's started moving goalposts because he likes our current life. I'd argue he has way more freedom than me. Although my cage is gilded so there's that...

People here get very angry if you ask such questions 🤣

Oh come on! What do you do when your husband is off to work and kids are at school!? He IS your meal ticket! How would you find your lifestyle if he doesn’t pay for it?

I admire your spirit and strength

Trying too hard, Katelyn88.

ZOMBIE THREAD.

Does this count as a zombie thread. It's a general discussion rather than a specific issue

I think it’s also worth considering that her husband wouldn’t be able to work the hours he does without his wife providing the childcare. Doing all the pick ups, being home for every school holidays and every sick day. its definitely not using him as a meal ticket.

Exactly. The fact that I was at home all the time meant that dh never had to accommodate that side of parenting, and as a consequence his career has progressed exponentially. Do I benefit from that money? Absolutely. Because he wouldn't have had the opportunity to earn it without my cooperation/sacrifice. It's family money.

What do you think families where both parents work in senior roles do, then?

We managed with a nanny, carefully orchestrated calendars and very occasional family help, while both travelling extensively for work throughout DD's childhood.

Claiming that a woman staying at home is the only way a man is able to progress is disingenuous and, frankly, depressing.

If a family decides the best for them is to have a stay at home parent then great, but a necessity it is not.

But not everyone wants to "manage" with "a nanny and carefully orchestrated calendars". Nor does everyone have or even want "family help." That is just not how some (most?) families want to live - at all (if they have any choice).

Even if a nanny had paid me, I would have told her in no uncertain terms to go away and never come back. Why would I want to work in order to pay another woman to do what I feel strongly about doing myself? Makes no sense.

For the last couple of years I’ve mainly been a SAHP, work with the hours I need isn’t easy to find and with my husband doing silly hours at high pay it’s easier when one of us can keep other stuff going. Before that I’ve been flexibly self employed on fairly low hours.

Childcare costs are insanely high, and jobs until recently (especially in certain areas) have been so inflexible, it’s no wonder that many women feel pushed out of work.

Personally instead of sneering at other women for their choices I believe we should unite and try and get some equality after parenthood. It’s definitely getting better but women certainly lose out whatever path they take after having kids.

As for any regrets, I’ve always been around for school runs, been able to be fully involved, and they’ll remember that, so no, in my mind it was a sacrifice worth making. Enjoy it OP, it goes fast!

I stayed home because there’s no way we could have afforded childcare on our wages, Nor do we have family help at all. So there was no choice for us! It’s not the only way a man can progress, I was just saying that when one parent is earning whilst the other does all the childcare it’s family money earnt with effort put in from both parties.

What stops her from getting a job around school times? Loads of women do!

Fair enough. The same women will come crying here if the husband proposes to stay home with the kids. Why? Because he earns the bigger paycheque. Why is that so?

Exactly!

It’s easier for YOU. Does your husband enjoy bearing the financial burden of the family 100%? I bet no. No one does. Yet, he is expected to get on with it.
yet women come on mumsnet asking for what to retrain that pays them shit loads of money from day1 AND the job should be in a field that really interests them! Seriously?
How about starting at the ground floor in a field you a interested in? Hmmm no. Senior position straight! The sense of entitlement!!

oh btw, doing school runs and sitting at home all day is hardly any “sacrifice”.

This place is over-run with MRAs

Sorry. Online forums don't work like that; MN has never worked like that. Anyone can create a thread with any question, but there seems to be a misconception on some recent threads that they then get full control over how people choose to answer that question.

They don't.

Of course fellow-users will likely nix this approach. Otherwise all you end up with is an interviewing process in which women are asked to divulge the personal, family decisions they've made and, more often than not, are expected to justify that choice. They don't need to. And as an aside, if someone wants a one-sided discussion of either SAHP or WOHP on this site it should hardly need stating that they're not going to get it. I've never seen such a contentious load of noise (and toxic, unpleasant set of posts) about one particular topic on MN. It's going to attract discord. It just will.

The upshot is, if you're happy with your choices it's nobody else's business. I don't require 'respect' from other women for my decisions, and whilst I'm not about to attack or disrespect others for their difference choices, I'm not required to respect theirs, either. Do what you like. Most people are really not bothered.

You don't need affirmation from other women for the decisions you've made that ou feel are in the best interests of you and your family. And you certainly don't need the approval of a bunch of online fonts. But if you're going to post on these threads, you're going to find they are all things to all people. It just works that way.

For sure. Pretty conspicuous ones at that; then again, they're not exactly renowned for their subtlety.