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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU Wedding day drama

306 replies

Nellybellyfrillytilly · 29/04/2021 07:54

Looking for a bit of perspective and advice if possible.

My sister is getting married this year and I was asked to be made of honour (prior to becoming pregnant), since she found out I was pregnant she was angry that her wedding would not be the same as mine because I wouldn’t be able to drink/would have a child to look after (she does not have and does not want children). This caused a lot of tension between us.

Because of covid the original wedding date was moved, I since had our baby but my sister has rarely been present in their life - I’ve blamed covid for a lot of it as everyone is in a similar situation, but she rarely asks about my child over the phone or text.

The conversation came up that my sister would like all the bridal party to stay over at the venue the night before and night of the wedding (it’s tents and camping for everyone other than the bride and groom), at which point I spoke privately to my sister and let her know that I breastfeed my child at night, we are nursing to sleep and often have a wake up in the middle of the night, so I may not be able to stay over - she doesn’t want our baby there with me and I’m not sure camping would be practical - she is not happy, called me selfish and I should be dedicating myself to her for those few days and my husband can look after our child.

We have now not spoken for nearly a month because of this.

Am I being unreasonable, I am sticking to my guns that my child needs me and other ladies in the bridal party have older children or do not breastfeed their children so have that flexibility. I also need to add we have tried many times to introduce a bottle and rocking our child to sleep to give our household some more flexibility and it’s not been a pleasant experience, I would much rather continue breastfeeding.

Thank you for your help ☺️

OP posts:
katy1213 · 02/05/2021 15:09

No way on earth do the bridesmaid's duties include camping! Does she expect you to lead a round of ging-gang-gooly? Or toast marshmallows dyed to the same shade as your dress?
Meanwhile, she gets to sleep in a bed somewhere?

Madamum18 · 04/05/2021 13:11

You are absolutely right to stick to your guns and put your child's needs first. As she doesn't want to talk I suggest a text saying:

I am sorry that you are upset at my decision to . As this seems to be causing a lot of upset at what should be a happy time for you I have decided the best solution is for me to withdraw as Maid of Honour. I understand how important this day is, I care a lot about you but my *'s needs have to come first and there is no workable alternative to the above that will meet her needs. I am looking forward to the day and hope that we can meet soon Love from ....

TurquoiseDragon · 04/05/2021 16:46

@RampantIvy

If the guests at the wedding aren't having a blast then neither will the bride.

Having a wedding with dirty, grumpy and tired guests isn't going to make for a happy day for anyone.

I'd definitely be in the tired and grumpy group. I don't do camping.
ArrrMeHearties · 04/05/2021 16:49

She sounds like a first class bridezilla op. Stick to your guns and do what is right for you and your baby. Her wedding isn't a summons its an invite that you don't have to accept

nancywhitehead · 04/05/2021 17:00

YANBU.

People are way too demanding sometimes with weddings. Weddings are wonderful and important, but she is not the centre of the whole world just because it's her wedding day - you have a very small child who needs you.

Tell her what you are able to give, and if she's not happy then tell her you can't attend.

Icanflyhigh · 04/05/2021 17:10

YANBU!

We are also having camping available at our wedding- but it's personal choice, no one being forced - we are camping though as we love it!

Your sister sounds like a nightmare.
Total bridezilla, just send that text and wall away x

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