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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Wedding day drama

306 replies

Nellybellyfrillytilly · 29/04/2021 07:54

Looking for a bit of perspective and advice if possible.

My sister is getting married this year and I was asked to be made of honour (prior to becoming pregnant), since she found out I was pregnant she was angry that her wedding would not be the same as mine because I wouldn’t be able to drink/would have a child to look after (she does not have and does not want children). This caused a lot of tension between us.

Because of covid the original wedding date was moved, I since had our baby but my sister has rarely been present in their life - I’ve blamed covid for a lot of it as everyone is in a similar situation, but she rarely asks about my child over the phone or text.

The conversation came up that my sister would like all the bridal party to stay over at the venue the night before and night of the wedding (it’s tents and camping for everyone other than the bride and groom), at which point I spoke privately to my sister and let her know that I breastfeed my child at night, we are nursing to sleep and often have a wake up in the middle of the night, so I may not be able to stay over - she doesn’t want our baby there with me and I’m not sure camping would be practical - she is not happy, called me selfish and I should be dedicating myself to her for those few days and my husband can look after our child.

We have now not spoken for nearly a month because of this.

Am I being unreasonable, I am sticking to my guns that my child needs me and other ladies in the bridal party have older children or do not breastfeed their children so have that flexibility. I also need to add we have tried many times to introduce a bottle and rocking our child to sleep to give our household some more flexibility and it’s not been a pleasant experience, I would much rather continue breastfeeding.

Thank you for your help ☺️

OP posts:
WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 29/04/2021 08:25

Even with glamping it would be a nightmare. Can you imagine getting ready for a wedding in a tent?
Keeping clothes nice, hair, make-up?

JocastaNu · 29/04/2021 08:26

Is there a parent who can have a quiet word with her to point out she's being a brat?

Chrysanthemum5 · 29/04/2021 08:27

Oh god this reminds me of when my younger sister got married. I'd just had DS and he was a couple of weeks old when she started complaining that I wasn't spending whole days looking at wedding dresses with her. I was unable to establish breastfeeding and was really upset about it and she chose a bridesmaid outfit that didn't suit me at all so I felt awful about myself physically. And it just kept on coming - that I wasn't spending enough time focusing on her. She even got my other sisters to call me about it.

Sounds mad but we grew up in a very violent house and we were all damaged by that so I guess none of us knew 'normal' and I was completely stuck in the FOG (fear obligation guilt)

In the end DH took over my phone and told them all to fuck off - worked very well 😂. The wedding was when DS was 2 months old and apparently I ruined it all for her.

I'd like to say I came to my senses and never saw any of them again but it's taken me 17 years to get to the point where I see them if they are being reasonable and just ignore them when they're batshit - and then only because my DC like them

So I'd say learn from me, it doesn't get better. You are not being unreasonable to say you can't stay the night before so stand your ground on that.

Scarydinosaurs · 29/04/2021 08:28

No fucking way. I wouldn’t do that and I’ve not got a baby to feed.

She’s only your sister, and that relationship relies upon give and take. What is she giving your in all of this? I’d have no guilt in saying a hard no.

Nith · 29/04/2021 08:28

WTF? What conceivable difference does it make to her wedding day if one of the bridesmaids doesn't drink? You probably won't be the only guest not drinking. And if I were in a wedding party, the B&G could fuck right off if they wanted me to stay in a tent, I hate camping.

Sparklingbrook · 29/04/2021 08:28

If this is winding her up imagine what the actual wedding is going to be like. Sad

CoolCatTaco · 29/04/2021 08:28

She's being ridiculous and outrageously selfish. You are definitely not being unreasonable!
To be honest I don't think I'd want to go along with her crazy camping idea anyway, sounds shit.

PurBal · 29/04/2021 08:28

I camped before a wedding I was a bridesmaid for. It was a nightmare and I didn't have a baby. Not a campsite so no shower... YANBU. You need to feed your baby. End of.

cottoncurtains · 29/04/2021 08:32

Ha I'd be declining camping regardless. I wouldn't bother OP. It's ok to accept your relationship with your sister is on its last legs if she continues to treat you this way.
Id just not go camping continue with the wedding as planned and then keep my distance afterwards.

Kapalika · 29/04/2021 08:32

Why do some women lose their mind when getting married?
Obviously you’re not being unreasonable.
I would call her and tell her you’re booking into a hotel for the night and you can ‘dedicate’ yourself to her on the day. I would enlist a reasonable parent to have a word with her too.

Newkitchen123 · 29/04/2021 08:32

Is it a plot so all the guests look shit and the B&G look fabulous?

bridgetreilly · 29/04/2021 08:34

She is being ridiculous. What sort of looking after does she think she needs?! She is a grown woman.

Your baby needs you and is your priority. If your sister is too selfish or childish to realise this, that's on her.

GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2021 08:37

Camping? It's a no from me. Regardless of the baby.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/04/2021 08:38

She sounds like a Bridezilla. I'd tell her to stuff it to be honest. Your baby takes priority.

billybagpuss · 29/04/2021 08:38

Is your mum around, could she have a word?

DDiva · 29/04/2021 08:41

I'm not a fan of camping at the best of times but before a wedding just sounds stressful.

Just tell her your plan travel on the day or get other accommodation and tell her you are looking forward to being g part of her day but you come as a family........

coogee · 29/04/2021 08:41

Camping at a wedding?? That would be a no from me. Strange choice IMO, tricky for getting ready and hanging dresses etc (unless it is a kinda glamping thing).

We offered a field to our guests for camping and it was very popular. Some stayed for several days.

We did provide a proper ladies/gents mobile loo/shower block complete with piped music.

RampantIvy · 29/04/2021 08:41

Why on earth does a bride need someone to "dedicate themselves" to her?

When I got married in 1981 my sister had a bath before I did, so mine was lukewarm. I didn't have a strop about it - well I might have done actually Grin.

I went to the hairdresser in the morning just to have a nice cut and blow dry, and when the hairdresser was making small talk and asked me if I was doing anything nice that weekend I told her I was getting married that afternoon. She nearly dropped her scissors in surprise.

I did my own make up, and didn't need help getting dressed.

So why are so many brides so high maintenance these days?

user1471462428 · 29/04/2021 08:42

I don’t think she is ready to married. She doesn’t have emotional maturity to understand that commitment. If she cannot comprehend how a breastfed baby needs their mother. Marriage is hard graft and based on compromise and communication. I’d not bother tying yourself in knots trying to attend as I doubt it will last.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/04/2021 08:44

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah
Did she actually say that your DH could essentially nurse your breastfed baby? Has she done basic biology??
(and yes, I do realise that you could express and that time could be bottle fed but that's beside the point of her being a dolt)
She is a bridezilla.
As for staying in tents....TENTS!!!! I ask ye! She is having a laugh. I 100% agree with @Newkitchen123 about the B&G looking wow and everyone else looking shit because they were getting ready in tents.
Unless they are the uber-posh type of yurt tent that is quite luxury, but if it's something that you could pick up in a camping shop or that you might see at a jamboree for scouts, then she is really having a laugh!!!

Original poster
Nellybellyfrillytilly · 29/04/2021 08:45

Baby will be 13 months by the wedding time, we are on solids at the moment but breast has been working best to get her to sleep and bottles never worked for us.

OP posts:
dotdashdashdash · 29/04/2021 08:45

For me it would depend how old baby was.

I'd have no issue with camping though, and have camped with a young baby.

Doilooklikeatourist · 29/04/2021 08:45

Yanbu and she is being a bridezilla ( and is probably on glue )
I wouldn’t sleep in a tent for anyone

GelfBride · 29/04/2021 08:45

I would do precisely nothing. I would continue doing nothing for a very long time and that includes not going to the wedding and not answering the phone if she ever decided to apologise.

Like the PP above, she doesn't sound emtionally mature enough to go to the toilet on her own to get married.

dotdashdashdash · 29/04/2021 08:47

Just seen your update. At 13 months I night weaned (continued to breastfeed for a very long time after that. So I'd have used it as an opportunity to do that. But your baby, your choice. By 13 months I was absolutely sick of baby dictating when I could and could not go out of an evening. I never fed DC2 to sleep as a result (and neither had a bottle). But I absolutely fucking hated breastfeeding!

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