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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Wedding day drama

306 replies

Nellybellyfrillytilly · 29/04/2021 07:54

Looking for a bit of perspective and advice if possible.

My sister is getting married this year and I was asked to be made of honour (prior to becoming pregnant), since she found out I was pregnant she was angry that her wedding would not be the same as mine because I wouldn’t be able to drink/would have a child to look after (she does not have and does not want children). This caused a lot of tension between us.

Because of covid the original wedding date was moved, I since had our baby but my sister has rarely been present in their life - I’ve blamed covid for a lot of it as everyone is in a similar situation, but she rarely asks about my child over the phone or text.

The conversation came up that my sister would like all the bridal party to stay over at the venue the night before and night of the wedding (it’s tents and camping for everyone other than the bride and groom), at which point I spoke privately to my sister and let her know that I breastfeed my child at night, we are nursing to sleep and often have a wake up in the middle of the night, so I may not be able to stay over - she doesn’t want our baby there with me and I’m not sure camping would be practical - she is not happy, called me selfish and I should be dedicating myself to her for those few days and my husband can look after our child.

We have now not spoken for nearly a month because of this.

Am I being unreasonable, I am sticking to my guns that my child needs me and other ladies in the bridal party have older children or do not breastfeed their children so have that flexibility. I also need to add we have tried many times to introduce a bottle and rocking our child to sleep to give our household some more flexibility and it’s not been a pleasant experience, I would much rather continue breastfeeding.

Thank you for your help ☺️

OP posts:
NoddyMcPintsAlot · 30/04/2021 19:10

She’s asking her bridal party to camp night before the wedding ? Eh no chance. Be glad you’ve a valid excuse to get out of that one. She sounds insufferable and spoilt.

LILLYPRINT · 30/04/2021 19:11

Selfish sod.

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/04/2021 19:13

Yanbu to not want to leave a 13 month old baby overnight. Or any age of child. Or not to want to camp before a wedding. I love camping but wouldn't expect everyone else to feel the same. If your sister can't accept just having you there in the evening and next day she sounds very selfish.

Mummyyyyyyyyyy · 30/04/2021 19:14

@CigarsofthePharoahs

Nothing like waking up feeling cold, having to slough through a field for a wee and minimal hygiene facilities to make you feel in the mood to glam up for a wedding. I get that your sister feels a bit sad it won't be exactly the same atmosphere as your wedding, but she's acting like a spoilt toddler. She could compromise, but clearly doesn't want to.
This
Thehop · 30/04/2021 19:18

Your sister is behaving like a selfish arse.

I breastfed my kids into toddlerhood. One would have drunk milk from the dogs dish at 13 months and I could have left him overnight then (not that I would have) the others? Not a cat in hells chance of getting a bottle near them at any point of the day, never mind tired. Plus, feeding them to sleep are some of the very loveliest times I remember of their baby years. I wouldn’t have swapped that for screaming and tears of them and their dad for a field for someone so selfish and inconsiderate for all the tea in China.

ouchyouchyow · 30/04/2021 19:20

Oh blimey

Another bride-Zilla thread

Just stand your ground. Say no

She can't demand anyone sleep in a tent for gods sake

She will look back and feel embarrassed at her childish demands

Thank god my bridesmaid days are over

BananaSplitX · 30/04/2021 19:23

Of course you need to continue breastfeeding and not change your and your baby’s routine due to one night. I think it’s silly and sad. I also have a sister, she was my bridesmaid when she was 8 months pregnant. I loved having my sister, who’s also my best friend , next to for my wedding. Whether she’s pregnant, nursing or whatever is completely irrelevant. Having my sister next to me is the only thing that mattered to me. Personally I don’t understand these overnights and why they are so important. I wish you all the best. Sad situation to be in.

Dustinto · 30/04/2021 19:58

I think you’re both being a bit unreasonable. She’s being a bit of a bridezilla but to give another point of view - I think if she went out of her way for your wedding you should try to do the same, its a special day for her. In the kindest way OP maybe you’re being a bit pfb?
I think it’s quite sad how many people have said no way to camping. I wouldn’t enjoy it but it’s only one night for someone special.

cherish123 · 30/04/2021 20:03

YANBU. She is being v demanding. I had a 2month old breastfed baby and was invited to a camping wedding of a very close friend. It was 300 miles from home. I just said I couldn't go and she was lovely about it. However, she is a very reasonable person.

Could you stay in a hotel nearby?

DissociativeBitch · 30/04/2021 20:10

Fuck em!
Your child comes first, always!
If she can't get on board with it then she loses you.
Do not compromise your babies welfare for a selfish bridezilla!

RampantIvy · 30/04/2021 20:14

@Dustinto

I think you’re both being a bit unreasonable. She’s being a bit of a bridezilla but to give another point of view - I think if she went out of her way for your wedding you should try to do the same, its a special day for her. In the kindest way OP maybe you’re being a bit pfb? I think it’s quite sad how many people have said no way to camping. I wouldn’t enjoy it but it’s only one night for someone special.
Nope. There is no way I would camp for anyone. End of. Asking people to camp is way beyond reasonable.
Anastar23 · 30/04/2021 20:22

Nope you and baby come first. No matter what age if you plan to be breastfeeding and feel needed then you do what is best for your family not her. Bridezillas do my head in!

MiriamMargo · 30/04/2021 20:28

Wow what a selfish entitled nasty piece of work your sister is !! Go as a guest and leave her to her selfish ways !

PinkiOcelot · 30/04/2021 20:44

2 words. Fuck that!!

How on earth is she expecting people to camp. In a tent. Before a wedding. Tell her you will if she does. She could hang her dress with a tent peg!!

jwpetal · 30/04/2021 20:46

I am sorry that this is happening to you. How awful and stressful. You are being as fair as you can be. You have a family and that is priority. I do not understand the control she is trying to place on you. Be strong in what you want and trust yourself.

jwpetal · 30/04/2021 20:48

Demanding that everyone camps and leave their child is not on the OP. The bride isn't even camping.

Pinkfluff76 · 30/04/2021 20:57

Wow she’s being a real pain. Very unreasonable of her and no you’re not being difficult. Good luck OP!!

Goblin74 · 30/04/2021 20:58

Your sister is being horrible. My husband has a great bond and relationship with our ten month old son (thank home office) but the one thing my son still gets distressed at is bedtime. My husband does the entire night time routine but when it comes to going to sleep, my son needs to nurse to sleep or gets very distressed.
You're damn right I'm going to put my son first in this situation. You'd still be there for the wedding, the evening etc. Just not at the "camping" part (which btw sounds dreadful).

Your sister is being selfish

Stolengoat · 30/04/2021 21:14

Surely at 5 years old, your sister is too young to get married Grin

winniestone37 · 30/04/2021 21:16

She is being completely and utterly spoilt - how bloody dare she. Keep breast feeding your baby. If you want to keep the relationship with your sister just be calm and assertive and stick to your guns - don’t get pulled into her emotional blackmail and drama. Obviously feeding to baby is your priority.

pollymere · 30/04/2021 21:21

Don't camp...Travelodge minimum. You can still be there bright and early to support her. If baby is over six months you can space out feeds so it doesn't become a hassle for you on the day.

CervixHaver · 30/04/2021 21:21

She is BU for demanding

You are BU for refusing to leave a one year old for one night

CervixHaver · 30/04/2021 21:22

@LookItsMeAgain

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaah Did she actually say that your DH could essentially nurse your breastfed baby? Has she done basic biology?? (and yes, I do realise that you could express and that time could be bottle fed but that's beside the point of her being a dolt) She is a bridezilla. As for staying in tents....TENTS!!!! I ask ye! She is having a laugh. I 100% agree with *@Newkitchen123* about the B&G looking wow and everyone else looking shit because they were getting ready in tents. Unless they are the uber-posh type of yurt tent that is quite luxury, but if it's something that you could pick up in a camping shop or that you might see at a jamboree for scouts, then she is really having a laugh!!!
The child is a toddler not a baby!
anon12345678901 · 30/04/2021 21:23

@Dustinto

I think you’re both being a bit unreasonable. She’s being a bit of a bridezilla but to give another point of view - I think if she went out of her way for your wedding you should try to do the same, its a special day for her. In the kindest way OP maybe you’re being a bit pfb? I think it’s quite sad how many people have said no way to camping. I wouldn’t enjoy it but it’s only one night for someone special.
Not a chance I'd camp for someone, I hate it. It's ridiculous for them to tell the wedding party to camp before the wedding. OP you are not being unreasonable, she's being far too demanding.
pollymere · 30/04/2021 21:26

Just seen baby age. 13 months is quite a handful but doesn't require feeding as much. Definitely don't start using bottles! Cups and breast only. If she wants a child free wedding you might have to acquiesce but just go to hotel or home at the end. Go on your own. I've done this. It's not huge fun but it will shut up the whingers.

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