SCHOOL RUN- feel invisible

[Glitterzzz]

Hi

My little one started reception in September this year. We obviously locked down after Christmas and now they have been two weeks.

There are two classes next to each other and about 30 parents at a guess. In all the time I’ve been there not one person has said a single word to me.

I’ve tried to smile ( hard under a mask ) gave warm looks and haven’t been looking at my phone or showing any body language as if I don’t want to interact but it’s so hard ! We all line up in a single line ...

There is a group of about 3/5 mums who have made friends quickly and are the ones there gossiping early for pick up which is fine but I feel invisible. Today for example as we stand in a single line I happen to be stood in between two mums who kinda dominate the playground area and they chat over my head ... I felt so uncomfortable

Another thing they do is come along the line saying to certain mums not all ‘ we will see you at the park yeah? ‘ or ‘ are you coming down to the park ‘ it’s obvious a group of them go but how you get invited I don’t know ... we have a class wattsapp and nobody puts it on there

I’m not the only person who doesn’t speak . When I look around there are about 7-10 of us approx who just stand there like lampposts 😀😅

Part of me is bothered ( more about my little one not being selected for the park visit club) but another part of me wants to just pick up and go and this being my third kid I kinda know the chances of making friends staying friends with these mums once the kids move to high school is slim to none but it’s just the standing in silence ... how can I do that for the next 6 plus years

Ask your child who they play with and msg them on whatsapp asking blah .....

I honestly wouldn’t bother with school run mum friendships. They are massively over rated

I was that mum when my son started school. All of the other mums already knew each other from nursery or living in the same town. I was an outsider - only at that school because that’s where my support network lived and as a single mum it was easier to work if I could lean on family there to help with wraparound care. So I wasn’t on the playground every day and no one knew me and it was DISMAL.

It only ended through kids’ birthday parties. I made a couple of mum friends via our kids. But even now my boy is 12 there are some mums that make me feel rubbish just by the memory of how cold and cliquey they were.

You’ll find a crew when parties happen again.

Nah can’t agree with you there. Some of my loveliest friends are “school mum friends” 10 years on they still are.

Make friends with the lampposts 🙂

I never knew there were people who felt like this. I stand by myself in the playground, I couldn't think of nothing worse than being stuck there talking to another mum about mundane shite. There is a little group of mums in the playground but they are definitely not my type of people, all I ever hear are their boring stories and loud fake laughs, I feel rather embarrassed for them.

Make friends with the lampposts
You dint want to be in with the other lot I assure you!

@DarlingCoffee

School mum friends are overrated in my opinion

Definitely!!!!

If you make friends with the lamp posts now, you'll be the cliquey group in September.

Or just people who know each other passing time for 10 minutes ...

Try and strike up a conversation with one of the others on their own, ask DC for a friend's name and invite them and parent to the park.

It can be quite intimidating. However, usually after 3 years very few parents pick up. Most parents wait in cars, let children walk a little way or kids go to clubs etc.

sleeping with each other's husbands

@MammaSchwifty

Go make friends with the lampposts, or just turn up at the park and your child will play with the kids there. Or, send out your own invite on the WhatsApp group, tell everyone you're going to the park after school if anyone wants to join.

Exactly what I would have said

MyDCareMarvel exactly right.

If your children ever come to you for advice on how to make friends in a new place, are you going to tell them that anyone who already has friends is a cliquey twat and to go & whinge to strangers on a forum?

Or are you going to look at it sensibly & apply social skills & suggest some proactivity?

It's a school playground for children. Why do adults turn into children again on it? These threads really annoy me.

Ffs they are just being friends.
That's not rude.

Just chat so someone. Say "hi how are you?" Start a conversation. Ask someone if they want to go to the park.

I really do know how you feel. I’m way past that stage in life, but I was ( and still am, to some extent). It goes right back to being left out at school- remember those ghastly moments when you weren’t picked by anyone for the team or whatever? And you feel there must be something wrong with you?

In the school situation I learned to manage it by doing what others have suggested, and join the PTA. You become important! In my case I went on to be a school governor and everyone knew who I was! It will get better,I promise you .

I remember dealing with this when my DD was at Primary School. It felt really uncomfortable and I'm a bit of an introvert anyway.

Since then I've never thought of it again - don't over think it. You are there to pick up your child, that's all there is too it.

If mums are talking through you, my advice would be to arrive a bit later and go to the back of the line so you don't have to deal with it

I’m a nanny and had similar issues!! I started a conversation with a mum about how lovely her jacket was and how she looked like Victoria beckham in it and now it’s a thing we point out about other parents when they wear something different. Today, the dad who has a sunglasses and a tight v neck looked like a jersey shore person apparently- I’ve never seen it so took her word for it. She’s a very outgoing person and seems to know all the parents well. We involve the people we’re talking about in the convo... we can’t decide if you look more like... or... what were you going for? 😂

Put your earphones in and ignore.

The lampposts are stood there for a reason...they do not want any to get involved with mouthy, gossipy cliques...& neither do you...trust me. Stand near a lamppost & do what the British do best by commenting on the weather & then introduce yourself as child’s names mum.

Reception class mum here. If you want to talk to people you need to make the first move, strike up a conversation with someone close by eg ' hi I'm X's mum, is your child in x class?' or put something on the WhatsApp about a meet up. The only way I've been able to make friends is by being brave and putting myself out there. It gets easier with practice and it doesn't always work but the alternative is standing there in silence for the next few years. Nothing to lose by trying.

@Nohomemadecandles

If your children ever come to you for advice on how to make friends in a new place, are you going to tell them that anyone who already has friends is a cliquey twat and to go & whinge to strangers on a forum?

Or are you going to look at it sensibly & apply social skills & suggest some proactivity?

It's a school playground for children. Why do adults turn into children again on it? These threads really annoy me.

Go away then! What REALLY grinds my gears is this precise attitude. Not everyone has the confidence or social skills to do this. Some people have been damaged by their own school experiences snd as a result find their child's school a triggering place. So off you Fuck to your school gate where everyone should just get a grip.

I always go late so I don’t have to talk to anyone. It’s really dull. Can’t wait for my kid’s to leave primary!

@Nohomemadecandles

If your children ever come to you for advice on how to make friends in a new place, are you going to tell them that anyone who already has friends is a cliquey twat and to go & whinge to strangers on a forum?

Or are you going to look at it sensibly & apply social skills & suggest some proactivity?

It's a school playground for children. Why do adults turn into children again on it? These threads really annoy me.

I agree, but I don't think the children themselves are that bad!

What on earth make people suddenly go back to the mean girl level, bitching and making drama about others, how they hate the "school mums" and all that nonsense?

They are just "people" - do haters have such a strange attitude against neighbours, work colleagues?

When reading the thread, the ones to avoid are the bitchy ones projecting god knows what soap opera on a group of normally behaving adults. But don't come and pretend you have some genuine issues, unless you are as "triggered" when queuing at the post office or the bus stop. If you are not, it's not social anxiety, it's just being ridiculous.

I’m with you OP. I’m new to my area and my little boy has been at nursery since August. Day nursery is hard because there’s not an end time so I don’t see the same people all the time but I always say good morning / hi. I did strike up a conversation with a dad I see regularly, he was lovely but he just chatted about the nursery and which room our boys were in.

I often take my 5 month old for a walk on the beach and I’ve met some “beach mums” there but again it’s down to being in the right place at the right time.

I’d also feel like a weirdo giving out my number after a couple of passing chats so how do you get from “hi, how are you doing?” To friends 🤷🏼‍♀️

Adult friending is tricky. No advice but you’re not alone. Going back to read the whole thread now in search of pearls of wisdom.