Husband taking childrens money

[Sj2344]

Hi, my husband keeps taking money out of our childrens money boxes/wallets. Sometimes he puts it back other times he doesn't. I have asked him not to do it but he still does! I'm not sure what to do

@Sj2344

I was thinking of showing him this to show him how wrong it is as when I say it's stealing he says it's not and always tried to minimise it. Tbh I don't think it's worth it though.

Of course it would be worth showing him and it definitely is stealing if your husband doesn't pay the money back.

You must be upset about this or you wouldn't have posted, yet at the same time you seem to have quite a casual attitude towards it. Would it be that difficult to hide the children's money? I agree it should not be necessary to hide it but in the here and now you simply have to.

If he cannot lay his hands on the cash, your husband will have to either do without or go to the atm.

He has been stealing from your children for years. When is your time to deal with that?

Oh the pleasure I would take as a fifteen year old of putting money into a bank account and leaving a note in my money box that said one time too many, computer says no......

Please don’t take this the wrong way (I genuinely do not say this to be patronising or nasty) do you have control and access of the the finances?

My DM used to do this to me as a child and teenager and it turned out she’d spent every last penny of their own on prescription sleeping pills and alcohol. We were evicted from home and my parents lost everything.

Sounds very dramatic I know, just something to consider. He probably is just lazy but still that’s a really bad thing to do.

Mine cleaned out DC's bank accounts and when I added it up it was to the tune of £10k each. It was the straw which broke the camel's back (divorce) - £10 here and there, and then upwards of £100 following birthday / Christmas input from family.

I will be offering them the opportunity to take him to court when they are 16 for theft, as he has absolutely no intention of paying it back.

It's def theft!! I mean I have raided my kids for the window cleaner, ice cream van etc but always put it back next time I have actual cash.

For actual cash in the house for birthday money etc can you get the tins where it has to be cut open in order to get the money?

I mean deal with ending or staying in the marriage not the taking of the money. The money needs to be accessible. I have set up bank accounts for the children now.

Definitely get the eldest a bank account. We did this for DD last year and she can track her money easily, plus her grandparents can easily send her money by transfer.

Agree also with GoHenry. They are a very good option for younger children.

DHs father often stole from his children when they were young. It's never forgotten.

We use rooster cards and put money in at local postoffice. I would buy money boxs with combo lock and not tell.him

I think you need to end the marriage. You are married to a man who is deeply dishonest and has no respect for you or his children. Setting 'tests' for you is abusive behaviour.

He is a scruffy thieving twat.

Treat him like the child he is and bank it in an account he doesn't have access to. Thats all you can do.

Open bank accounts for them and deposit the cash there. Or better still into a junior isa.

Or if they want to save and spend the other thing I do is get online banking set up on a few extra accounts within my own personal accounts and label them clearly as X's savings. I deposit their cash into my account.

Then I can transfer money into the account marked as theirs and as and when they want to spend it I can transfer the exact amount back into my main account and use my bank card.

It's much easier to keep track of their spending this way as it's immediate.

Just by-pass your husband. Get a workable way around this that removes all temptation for him to steal.

Not nice behaviour and it's teaching your children that they have no value. It's their money and he's stealing from family. Not good.

How terrible for them to live with someone they can't trust!

Tackling his behaviour and lack of respect for them would be the way to go but I can see that this is difficult for you.

Yes to bank accounts (make sure he does not have access!) but also to helping them with security at home.

• Small safes as in hotel rooms (There are locking money boxes - or just cash-boxes with a padlock. I'd give them one of these.)

-There are disguised money boxes (ones that look like bottles or spray cans or books)

My child is very careless with money, can leave notes lying around etc. When this happens I take it & put it in their savings account & let them know this is where their money is gone. Cant imagine keeping it for myself knowing it was theirs never mind actually taking it from their money box.

If my children get given cash they usually give it to me and I pay it straight into their own account (mainly because they rarely use cash). Their pocket money has been by DD for years.

I would do this to stop him accessing their money, however there seems to be a bigger problem here than the theft.

OP what is the context of this? How does he treat you and the kids generally.

I'd be surprised if this happens in isolation.

I understand if he's doing it to buy essentials but otherwise this is really low and I wouldn't be with someone who did this.

Only read the OP so no doubt been said but what you do is hide the money from the thief.

Bank accounts is the way to go, I understand that people sometimes need cash but to not give back is awful, your husband has no respect.

@1FootInTheRave

He is a scruffy thieving twat.

This just about sums him up!

Do you notice your own cash goes missing?

The thing is, OP, that the lesson they learn is that you can't trust your own dad. They might also be learning that this is what you do in a relationship - you take what you can regardless of everyone else.

You know it's time for him to go.

And that bank account at his mum's is very very suspicious.